Young & Hungry

Hey. Yolanda, can you come downstairs

and help me with the rest of the groceries?

You got two arms, bitch.

Oh... I'm sorry. I've been on this diet for three days.

I'm a little hangry.

Great. So you'll help me?

You got two ears, bitch, I said no.

Yolanda...

Yolanda, we have a situation.

Alan's leaving you for someone thinner?

- No. - Smarter?

Taller?

Someone with a house?

- Someone with a neck? - Stop!

It's about Josh.

While I was working on his computer,

an e-mail came in, from his father.

- What? - I don't know what to do.

Josh doesn't wanna hear from the man who got his mama pregnant

then ran off, and neither do I.

Read it out loud.

"Josh, I have a lot of regrets in my life,

"none bigger than not being a part of yours.

"I'm flying in for the weekend

and there's nothing I want more than to meet my son."

Oh, hell no. That man missed his chance.

Delete that.

But it's his father,

and this might be the one opportunity for us

to find out if Josh will be hot when he's older.

Hey. What are you two whispering about?

Uh, hot older men.

Oh, that's easy. Sean Connery. Number one.

Hypothetically, if Sean Connery were your father,

how would you feel if he contacted you?

How would you think I'd feel?

Shaken, not stirred.

Now, hypothetically,

what if it wasn't Sean Connery

but your actual dad who wants to meet,

and he's flying in tonight

on hypothetical Delta Flight 48L.

Well, that's a very specific hypothetical.

Hypothetically, I'd have no interest in meeting him

because he never had any interest in meeting me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hypothetically, you wouldn't want to meet your dad if he was

reaching out to you after all these years?

I don't wanna meet the bastard who bolted

'cause he didn't have the balls to raise his son.

So hypothetically, this whole conversation's over.

Ooh.

Wow, I can't believe how upset he got.

Good thing this was hypothetical.

Hey, Yolanda, how's the diet going?

Quiet, bitch.

So you're stickin' to it.

I'm trying to get down to 150 pounds

before my doctor's appointment.

When is it, 2020?

It's not funny, Elliot.

I just turned 51,

which is the age my mom passed and her mom passed.

I just wanna live long enough to dance on your grave.

Yolanda, you're gonna be fine.

Back then, people didn't know how to take care of themselves.

You know, they ate too much, they drank too much,

they didn't work out.

Oh my damn! I gotta get to the gym.

- Elliot, can you spot me? - From space.

Hey. I hope you're hungry.

I made you a papas fritas,

a meat-your-dad-loaf,

and for dessert,

a "father and son-day."

Gabi...

I know that was not a hypothetical conversation.

Yolanda told me.

And I know you're upset about it because if you weren't,

you wouldn't be staring at your father's e-mail!

This is a spreadsheet.

Oh. Well, why aren't you staring at it?

I mean, why don't you wanna meet him? He's your father!

- Look, this is none of your... - Listen.

You can't miss this opportunity, okay? Uh...

I would do anything to see my mom again.

Not to play the dead mom card, that wouldn't be fair,

but my mom's dead and I can never see her again!

Gabi, you wanna know why my father's "reaching out" now?

It's because my profile in Forbes just came out.

He's obviously after my money.

Ugh! God, why are you being so negative?

I mean, maybe he just wants a kidney.

Come on. Aren't you even a little bit curious?

I was curious when I was 12.

I looked him up, found out his name was Matt Danon.

I even wrote him a letter, and guess what? He never responded.

Okay. That doesn't mean anything, all right.

When I was 12, I sent a letter to Joey from Friends

and I never heard back, not even a simple "How you doin'?"

Look, Gabi, you don't understand.

Maybe he just never got the letter.

- Maybe the post office lost the letter. - Gabi...

God, I bet that's why Joey never wrote back.

Stop!

I just want you to be happy.

And I just want you to stay out of it.

Okay, if that's what you really want.

- That's what I really want. - Fine.

I can't believe we're doing this.

I mean, how lucky are we that Josh knows Matt Damon,

and he sent you to the airport to pick him up!

Uh-huh, so lucky.

Um, Sofia...

Oh, we almost forgot our super cute chauffeur hats.

Thank you so much for bringing me.

I wonder if Matt Damon's happy with his wife.

You gotta admit, Sofia Maria Consuela Rafaella Rodriguez Damon,

- does have a nice ring to it. - Uh-huh.

Are you kidding me?

You spelled Matt Damon wrong.

Did I?

Yes. Damon has an "M" in the middle.

But Danon has an "N" in the middle.

You know, like Matt Danon, Josh's Dad.

What?

You know, Matt Damon is so over.

You remember that Martian movie? I mean, he's up there for a whole year

and doesn't see one Martian!

Gabi, are we here to pick up Matt Damon or Matt Danon?

- Do you really not know? - Oh my God!

- Gabi, you lied to me. - Oh, so you do know.

What is wrong with you? Josh specifically told you to stay out of it.

Yeah, I know, which is why I told you it was Matt Damon,

so you would come with me and talk me out of it.

Now? You're telling me this now?

- His dad's gonna be here any minute. - Yeah, I know. Talk fast!

Gabi, this is so wrong, I mean, so wrong! What if Josh is right?

What if his dad is only here because he wants his money?

Yeah, which is why I'm going to drive him to the hotel,

and get to know him and make sure he is here for all the right reasons.

And what if he's not? Then Josh is gonna more hurt than he was before.

Oh my God, Sofia, you're so right.

Why didn't you talk me out of this earlier? We gotta get out of here!

- I'm Matt Danon. - Too late.

- Hey, uh, M-Mr. Kaminski sent us. - Oh, how nice.

Yeah, I'm, uh, Gabi, I'm the head driver and...

this is Sofia, she's my trainee. She'll take your bags.

- Thanks. - Thank you.

- How are you feeling? - A little disappointed.

These hospital nachos just ain't cutting it.

She's talkin' to me, fool.

You're only here for emotional support.

You chose me for that?

Wow, you really are all alone in the world.

Okay, Yolanda. You're done.

I knew it!

I'm a goner!

I'm comin', Mama!

No, done with the test.

Actually, you did really well.

Oh! Hold on, Mama.

Your vitals are great,

good blood pressure, heart rate.

In fact, you are in tip-top shape.

I think you mean muffin-top shape.

Honestly, she is in very good health.

You, on the other hand.

Do you normally sweat like that just from sitting and eating?

Do you normally have the heat cranked up to 68?

Thanks for letting me sit up front.

- I get car sick. - Ugh! So does Josh...

er, Mr. Kaminski, I mean.

So, uh, what brings you to town?

Well, I'm actually here to...

Reconnect with your long-lost son?

You know, I drive Mr. Kaminski around a lot. We've gotten close.

You can kiss that good-bye.

So, uh, Mr. Danon,

if-if I may ask, why did you never contact Mr. Kaminski,

even after he wrote to you? Was it because you were...

young and scared and didn't know what to say?

- Actually I... - You thought, you know,

you just missed so much of his life already that

contacting him now, it did more harm than good?

But now that you're older and wiser, you realize

nothing is more important than meeting your son, not for money.

Subtle.

Believe me, I'm very successful.

This is not about money.

Oh, I knew you were here for the right reasons.

Oh, 'scuse me, I have to take this.

Hello?

Hey, Gaby, it's Josh.

Hey!

Listen, I thought about what you said about my dad, and you're right.

Yeah, I was.

In fact, you won't believe who I'm with right now.

Uh, you won't believe who I'm with right now.

Thanks to you I'm sitting right next to my dad.