Baby on Board

# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #

# What happens in my head Stays in my head #

# But sometimes it won't #

# What if you knew What I was thinking? #

Whoa! #

# I don't wanna risk Putting my foot in this #

# So I keep my mouth closed #

# All you hear is #

# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #

# Gonna button my lips So the truth don't slip #

# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #

# Gotta beep out What I really wanna shout #

# Whoops! #

# Did I say it out loud? Did you find out? #

# I wanna have your babies #

# Get serious like crazy #

# I wanna have your babies #

# I see 'em springing up Like daisies #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #

# Some of my feelings Keep escaping #

# So I make it a joke #

# Nonchalant I keep on faking #

# So my heart don't get broke #

# I'm in a big, big, big, big ocean #

# In a tiny little boat #

# I'll only put the idea out there #

# If I know it's gonna float #

# All you hear is #

# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #

# Gonna button my lips So the truth don't slip #

# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #

# Gotta beep out What I really wanna shout #

# Whoops! #

# Did I say it out loud? #

# Did you find out? #

# I wanna have your babies #

# Get serious like crazy #

# I wanna have your babies #

# I see 'em springing up Like daisies #

# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #

# Gonna button my lips So the truth don't slip #

# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #

# Gotta beep out What I really wanna shout #

# Whoops! #

# Did I say it out loud? Did you find out? #

# I wanna have your babies #

Hey!

Sweetie, you give it back to him now!

Okay.

Listen. Nope.

Give it to him!

Stop it!

Stop it! Give him the gun! Now!

Meghan, you have a million toys! Give him the gun!

Give me it!

No!

Meghan, sit still so I can put your sweater on. Stop it!

Stop fighting with your brother! Come on! Meghan!

Meghan! Stop! Give your brother the gun!

No!

Hey, Sylvie, are 3-year-olds supposed to have dart guns?

It's the only thing that gets him to stop wailing.

You know, I'm so sorry, but Danny was supposed to pick up the car.

Give me it!

Meghan!

No! - Give it back to him right now!

No!

Do you want Mommy to put you on medication?

Is that what you want? Like your friend Jenny?

No! - No!

Danny, stop staring.

- Look at it. - No.

- Look. - No.

Just look at it.

Aren't you supposed to pick up Sylvie's car today?

Shit.

Yeah.

- All right, Feel Good. - Some girls would powder my balls.

We'll get out of here.

- Hi, Counselor. - Oh, Candy!

Who is your gorgeous friend?

You think he's gorgeous, you ought to see his wife.

Is his wife as understanding as yours is?

Uh, she's understanding. Not that understanding.

You a lawyer too?

Yeah, yes. Danny and I are partners.

Well, Mr. Lawyer.

I'm a relaxation therapist.

So, if you get as stressed as your friend Danny,

come and see me.

Mmm.

That's so you don't forget me.

Nobody's forgetting you, honey.

What exactly am I supposed to do with this?

Frame it. I don't give a shit.

I've got, like, seven of them.

Maybe I'll get lucky,

and Danny will have a heart attack doing arm squats or whatever.

Look, you're gonna have a great day today.

- Call me when it's over, okay? - Okay, I will.

Say bye to your Auntie Angela.

Bye!

Ryan Scott Chambers!

How come old guys got to walk around the locker room naked?

You cheating on Sylvie?

No!

I paid Candy for her service.

Candy could do a lot better, you know.

Hey, when we got married, Sylvie looked like Angela,

I looked like you, then the kids came along.

We want to have kids eventually.

Nothing wrong with a little side action now and then.

Oh, well, then, I guess you wouldn't mind

if Sylvie got "a little side action now and then."

You be as judgmental as you want. You're gonna be here one day.

And we'll both be there one day.

That balls?

Incredible.

Do you think he's okay?

Fuck!

Hello.

Yes, I need you to get the samples to the conference room in an hour.

Don't even worry about it, Angela. I'm so on it.

I'm just running a little bit late.

You hung up on me!

Ooh, I love that lipstick. What is that? Pink Flush?

You can't borrow it.

Wait a minute.

Did I tell you I'm in love?

- No, you're not in love. - Yes, I am.

- No, you're not. - Angie, my heart is full.

Oh, my God. It's a big day for me.

Hey, Angie.

Okay. Who is the lucky lover?

Well, I can't say anything yet,

except that he is everything a woman would ever want in a man,

except he's gay.

Ms. Black, you still have not answered my question.

Do you truly believe that you deserve more of my client's money?

It says explicitly in the contract.

Contract?

How about the contract you signed when you said "I do"?

I tend to remember an important clause in that contract,

"for better or for worse."

Does that ring a bell?

Objection!

Speaks to character, Your Honor.

I'll allow it.

He cheated on me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Circumstantial!

There's not one piece of physical evidence

that proves my client strayed.

What about the text messages?

The photos?

What about that filthy video on YouTube?

Circumstantial.

Your Honor...

Tread carefully, Counselor.

You never see my client's face in any of them.

Ms. Black, you still have not answered my question.

My client has graciously given you and your children

the family home with an estimated value of 4 million dollars.

That's 4.5.

4.5 million dollars.

Do you really believe that you deserve more than that?

He signed a contract.

"He signed the contract."

Does that sound heartfelt, Your Honor?

Does that sound like someone

who truly believes that they deserve more money?

- Does that...? - Objection, Your Honor.

Is my client going to be asked a question in the foreseeable future?

I have nothing further. I couldn't have answered it better myself.

No fist-bumping in court.

Nice suit, John.

That tie...

Good morning, Mary!

Okay. For the woman about to start a family,

we present the allure of "Baby on Board" perfume

to keep Daddy interested,

the only fragrance especially made for the pregnant woman in love.

And here is the bottle prototype.

Do you think someone could possibly pass me the bottle

of this soon-to-be best-selling scent?

I'm sorry. Nervous stomach.

What is in this bottle?

Perfume.

For who? The walking dead?

I'm sorry. It's me.

I just... I ate something bad.

I have a 4:10 meeting with the reps from Saks,

and I just hope for your sake this doesn't cling to me.

For the rest of you, I suggest you open some windows for ventilation.

Try not to jump out.

I'm sorry.

So? What did they say?

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Honey, did something crawl up your ass and die?

I blew it!

Yes, yes. "Blew it" are the operative words, all right.