JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (ジョジョの奇妙な冒険)

Rise and shine, everyone.

You're listening to morioh radio.

Kai harada here,

keeping you company on this beautiful morning.

The day is shaping up to be a great one,

and I have just what the doctor ordered,

so sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Anchor: As always, we'll keep you updated as events unfold,

but until then, take a look...

Driver: Well we're back in business.

The reception usually clears up once you're past the tower.

Anyway, is this your first time visiting morioh?

Jotaro: Sure is.

Got anything to share?

Driver: In terms of recommendations? Mm...

Oh! The miso-marinated beef tongue is real good.

Jotaro: Anything suspicious? Strange incidents?

Driver: Sorry, sir, but I'm afraid I don't know much

when it comes to oddball stuff like that.

Um, would you kindly remind me of your destination?

Jotaro: We're going to the front of the station.

Driver: Right. Almost there.

Jotaro: Good freakin' grief.

I swear, this better not be what I think it is.

Boy: It happened in April, 1999.

It was my first day of high school,

and I was about to make two very bizarre friends.

I was about to become a high schooler

and wondered what the others'd be like.

In case you were wondering, my name's koichi hirose,

though I guess it's not that important.

Anyway, I was nervously walking myself to class, when...

Wha?! But didn't I just--

and I thought all my stuff went flying everywhere.

What the heck's going on?

Jotaro: Sorry. I wasn't paying attention.

A giant!

He's gotta be over 190 centimeters tall!

Jotaro: Hey, maybe you can help me out.

Here's the thing. I've come here to find the higashikata family.

Koichi: Higashikata? Let's see.

Jotaro: Maybe an address'll jog your memory.

Does jozenji 1-6 ring a bell?

Koichi: "Jotaro kujo."

You can get to jozenji pretty easily

by taking the number three bus.

It won't be long before another one comes around.

Jotaro: Thanks, kid.

Koichi: The first guy that I met was jotaro kujo.

Later on, I found out he was 28 years old

and a marine explorer.

Apparently, academics knew him best

for his outstanding research in the field of ecology.

There's this fierceness about him,

but he also seems really intellectual. Wow.

Boy: Hey!

You another freshman, little man?

Aren't you gonna introduce yourself?

Koichi: Right! Yes, sir!

I'm koichi hirose, a freshman.

Good morning, sir. Nice to meet you.

Boy #2: Yeah, that's more like it, runt.

Koichi: Man, that was a close one.

You don't have to worry about them.

I'm sure they'll find a different bus

and go about their business.

Boy #1: What do you think you're doin', dick-face?!

Boy #2: Who do you think you are?!

Boy #3: Huh?! - Boy #4: Yeah!

Boy #5: Well, if you really must know,

it seems this little turtle I found

just woke up from hibernation.

But turtles give me the willies.

It takes all my courage to even touch their shells,

so I thought today would be a good day

to finally conquer my fears.

Boy #1: Buddy, does it look like I give a shit?!

Boy #2: Get up, you weirdo!

Boy #1: Well, now, you've got some height

for such a pathetic freshman, but here's the deal.

You can dress like a pompous prick if you want to,

but first you have to pay your respects to us. Got it?!

Boy #5: Can you not do that, please?

Reptiles really freak me out. They're all so creepy.

Boy #1: Just who do you think you're smirkin' at, pretty boy?

Boy #5: Forgive me, sir.

I didn't know how things were done.

Boy #1: That's kinda funny,

'cause I've put a lot of guys in the hospital

whose last words were the exact same as yours.

You need to learn some respect, dumb-ass,

unless you wanna end up like this stupid turtle!

Koichi: Man, this guy is heartless.

Boy #1: But, hey, I'm feeling merciful.

Leave your jacket and pants with us,

and you get to walk away. - Boy #2: Your cash, too!

Boy #5: Right. Sorry for the trouble.

Jotaro: A shame it had to go down this way,

but what did he expect in that get-up?

Though what pisses me off is that he can just sit back

and watch them pulverize a turtle.

Boy #1: I got an idea, pussy.

Why don't you tell us your name?

Boy #5: Right. Class 1-b.

I'm josuke...

Higashikata.

Jotaro: Say what? Josuke higashikata?

Boy #2: It says "Jo" and "Jo."

Boy #3: Josuke, huh? Well, if you ask me,

"jojo" has a much better ring to it.

Josuke: Oh, uh, thanks.

That's very kind of you to say.

Boy #1: Shut your trap, and take off the damn jacket.

Or didn't you notice the bus is here?

If you don't hurry it up, I swear to god

I'll chop off that fugly cowlick!

Did you hear what I said? Hurry it up!

Josuke: Sure, but first...

Question.

Could you repeat what you just said about my hair, sir?

( Boy #1 gasps ) - ( Both gasp )

Jotaro: A stand?

Boy #1: My nose! My teeth!

Josuke: Talk shit about my hair,

and you'll see a different side of me,

a side that'll make you feel pain like never before.

So what was that about my hair looking like a motley toupee?

Boy #1: Huh? What are you talkin' about? No one said--

josuke: I know what I heard, damn it!

Koichi: What happened?

That punk went flying through the air.

Jotaro: There's no denying what I just saw. That was a stand.

Koichi: What?

It's like the turtle's cuts were never there.

Boy #2: What the hell's going on?!

Your nose and teeth are healing themselves!

Boy #3: Look at that! He's fixed!

Boy #4: Yeah, I guess, but why is his face all weird?

Boy #2: It looks totally different now!

Boy #1: Huh? What is it?

What happened to my face? Well? What?

Josuke: You've really done it now.

You made me touch something

that I didn't want to lay a finger on.

So how exactly do you plan on making it up to me? Huh?!

Boy #1: Hey, come back here! You can't leave!

What happened to my nose?! Guys, wait!

Jotaro: They were a hassle.

And this guy...

Josuke: Hmm?

( Splash ) - Aah! Holy shit!

Oh, it's just that turtle again.

Koichi: So I was right.

Somehow, the turtle's completely healed.

Jotaro: Josuke higashikata,

you were born in the year 1983,

mother's name, tomoko.

She was 21, attending university in Tokyo.

This town's the only home you've ever known.

But everything changed in 1987

when you came down with a mysterious fever at age four.

For 50 days, you were a knock away from death's door.

Your father's name is--

Good grief. How'd I get mixed up in this?

The name of your father is Joseph joestar.

He's 78 now and the founder of joestar realty.

Koichi: The Joseph joestar?

He's that American real-estate mogul.

Jotaro: Don't worry. The old man's fine,

but one day, I was looking into how to divide his properties.

That's when I discovered you, his son,

living right here in Japan.

Even the old man had no idea,

piece of shit that he is.

The bastard always said his wife was his one and only.

Then I find out he had an affair at the ripe old age of 62,

and the product of it is you.

Sorry. Guess I shouldn't have said that.

My name is jotaro kujo,

which means, since he's my grandfather,

I'm technically your nephew. Bizarre, huh?

Josuke: Nephew? Huh?

Pleasure.

Jotaro: We can talk on the way.

So there you have it.

Eventually, you're gonna find yourself in possession

of a third of the old man's inheritance.

That's the message I came here to tell you.

Hate to lay this on you, but this affair

has turned the joestar family upside down.

Josuke: Uh, upside down? Are you serious?

Jotaro: I am. My grandma, Suzie q,

is the angriest she's ever been in their entire marriage,

and they've been together 61 years.

Josuke: Wha--please forgive me!