Sisters

You scored yourself a nice corner. Good job.

Hi. I'm Maura Ellis.

I'm not part of a religious group or anything.

I'm just a nurse who likes to give back on her days off.

You know, when you're living outdoors,

skin cancer is a real concern.

So I got you some sunscreen,

and you, my friend, have some irregular moles.

You're a very friendly person.

Wanna come to my house and take a shower?

Maybe make a list of goals?

Oh, I have a girlfriend.

Great. It's important to have a lady out there in the street.

What do you call it, a road bitch or something?

Her name's Karen.

Your little mama? Your street wife?

Anyway,

I'm pretty good with sayings,

so I make these cards for my sister, but I think maybe you could use one.

Without the dark night, we would never see the bright stars.

Is this from Twilight?

No, I made it up.

Mmm, no, you didn't.

Yeah, I did.

See you later.

Wait.

Wait a minute.

Hey!

You're not homeless?

You were on a roll.

Well, give me back the sunscreen

so I can give it to an actual homeless person!

Like this lady.

Fuck off! I'm the manager here.

0 for 2.

Polenta! Come get your dinner.

Mom?

Hi. Can you hear me?

Hiya, kid. What are you up to today?

Dad, come in front of the camera so I can see you.

How are things at the hospital, honey?

We heard that Atlanta had a terrible storm.

Garage sale. Okay.

Can you guys both sit in front of the camera when you talk

so that I can see you and hear you at the same time?

We don't get this Skype crap. There's nothing to get.

- You're doing it. - Maura,

we have some news.

Maura, we have some news.

- Oh, my God. Who's sick? - Oh, for cry-eye, Maura.

Relax!

We decided

to sell the house.

Yeah, okay. Funny joke. What's the news?

We are. We're selling it.

The one we grew up in?

Are you selling it to each other?

No, honey.

Why would you do that? We don't want it anymore.

It's too big. Look, if this is some kind

of financial thing, I can help you out with money.

No, honey.

All we need you to do is to come and clean out your bedroom

because it's a bottomless pit.

Okay. I can come. Just don't make a move until I get there.

Does Kate know about this?

We haven't told her yet.

You two take news so differently.

We wondered if maybe

you should tell her.

Because we don't want to.

Why do I always have to be the one?

Oh, shit.

I think you guys froze. Hold on. Can you hear me?

Hello?

You're blinking. You're fake freezing.

Unbelievable. Just call her. You're her parents.

Dad! Let it go.

See, where most stylists blow it is they color your hair

but they leave your Santa eyebrows. Hmm.

They half-ass it, but I'm a perfectionist.

Thank you.

So why are we covering this gray today, Phil?

Well, I have a date with an engaging new gal, somewhat younger than me.

Good for you, because ladies your age are gross, right?

Well, I just hope it looks natural. It smells very strong.

No. It's super gentle. They use it on pageant babies.

Mom! I'm home!

My daughter's home! She has been gone half the summer.

I'll be right back. If it feels like it's burning, it's working.

Wow!

You have been gone for so long! Did you get taller?

I've only been gone a month, and I stopped growing a long time ago.

Um, is this supposed to be getting warm?

Let it cook, Phil.

HALEY'. Um...

Mom?

Why are you doing some guy's hair in the bathroom?

Huh? P.S. this does not feel right. Hello.

Why aren't you doing it in a salon?

Please don't tell me you quit your job again.

I didn't quit! All right.

You know that dipshit lady on Channel Eleven

who does the segments where she tries new things?

Yeah. Go on. Well, she wanted bangs,

but then afterwards she decided that she didn't want bangs.

And my manager started bitching me out,

so I shoved him and his American Girl Doll glasses broke.

Okay. So you got fired.

Why do you keep doing this, Mom?

You wanna have a cereal party?

No, I don't. I want you to be responsible so that I don't have to be.

It is too stressful

sleeping with you on a pull-out couch in your friend's dining room.

She is not my friend. She was our bug man.

I need to learn to be more irresponsible

otherwise I'm going to be hazed so bad in college.

It's bubbling like Pop Rocks.

I'm gonna stay at Annie's house again. All right.

Okay, that's a lie because Annie is in Italy with her family.

I know how to use Facebook.

I will keep sending you pictures so that you know that I'm safe.

No. You cannot just leave again and not tell me where you are.

You know why I don’t tell you where I'm going?

Because you'll show up there and you'll make a big scene like a hothead!

I am not a hothead! I am brassy.

I love you, Mom, but your life is just too chaotic right now.

- It is not chaotic. - Kate!

Is this your waxing strip?

I don't know, Dana. It must be a client's.

My dog had this in his feces.

And before I could stop him

he ate the poop with the waxing strip in it again.

And then he threw that up. Okay.

You know how many times a day I kiss that dog on the mouth?

An unsettling amount.

Now when I kiss him,

I'm gonna picture that he ate

some stranger's pubes.

And it's gonna affect my relationship with him.

Oh, boy.

All right. Let's bring this in for a landing, Dana.

You get out of here by tomorrow.

You're done!

Where the hell am I gonna go?

You wanna explain that to my daughter?

Haley?

Shit.

Haley?

Haley!

Okay, Haley, just come back up, and we will talk about this.

Hey, it's me.

Hello? This is very unprofessional.

Hey. I can't talk right now.

Real quick. Mom and Dad called.

Ugh, what now?

What's up? Everything all right?

No, I don't need lotion in there.

Yeah, you do need lotion in there.

Hey, here's something fun.

Mom and Dad want us to come down.

They need us to clear out some of our old bedroom stuff.

Why? They have other rooms.

I don't know. Maybe they wanna get a treadmill.

A treadmill? Mom can't even sit right on a couch.

I'm just gonna shape them real quick. All right.

Yeah, no. I can't afford to come to Orlando right now.

Well, I'll send you money for the flight.

Come to Orlando. Ellis sisters reunion.

Coming home always makes things better.

That's actually a really good idea.

Tell me the truth.

Next stop, Orlando Airport. Thank you for riding Greyhound.

Please maintain contact with your baggage.

All unattended baggage will be confiscated.

Hey. Could I get a small glass of tequila?

Like a shot of tequila?

Yeah, a shot. Just keeping it classy.

Paging Mr. Herman.

Oh, Mr. Pee-wee Herman!

Look at you. Hi!

- Look at you. - Uh-uh, uh-uh.

What's going on? Nothing.

Wow, turn it around. This is soft.

You look great. No.

I look like a dead deer bloated on the highway.

No. You look like a pretty deer who's still alive.

Mmm. But also, just recently hit.

Your hair is long! It's so mermaid-y. Yeah.

Oh, I got a whole intricate sewn-in system under there, but it's human.

Okay, well, you have to be careful when you get fake hair

because some countries give their young girls chicken hormones

and make them grow it in their basements.

Do they get paid? Because I would do that.

Hey, honey. I'm sure you're out having fun

but I'm dying to see that photo you were gonna send me.

She's having such a great summer, but I think she's getting homesick.

I'm sure she misses you. I miss her.

Like, in my body.

Mmm. She'll be back soon.