Hard Cell

I am changing the way women's prisons are run.

Strong leadership, dynamic vision, the ability to inspire. I tick every box.

Weak leaders just get taken advantage of. Not on my watch.

Where's my watch?

Has anyone seen a watch?

And the cameras are going to be with us all the time...

- Whoo! - ...which will be a little strange

at first, I'm sure, for all of us.

- Are we gonna be on the telly, miss? - I expect that is the general idea, yes.

This pilot scheme to mount a musical,

West Side Story , no less, is an incredible opportunity.

- I'm excited, and I'm excited for you. - Is that one of your artsy ideas, miss?

Too many people think they know who prison inmates are

and what prison life is like, without ever setting foot inside one.

- Yeah. - Too right.

So, let's put the record straight.

Let's break some misconceptions. Let's smash some stereotypes.

Be yourselves. You've got nothing to hide.

- She has. She's just nicked your watch! -

You are being given the chance to do something truly creative

while challenging yourself and having your voices heard, literally.

- Can we do Annie ? - Just let me finish.

We've got a surprise director coming in.

The research is out there, the data has spoken,

so remember, creativity leads to...

rehabilitation.

- Thank you. - What about Dirty Dancing ?

- Hamilton ! - I like Phantom .

- The King and I . - What about Mary Poppins ?

- Dreamgirls ! - Okay.

Yes!

Not up for discussion, we're doing West Side Story ,

so get your names down and start singing! Thank you.

- Do you fancy the cameraman, miss? - Oh!

No.

Can someone get my watch back, please?

Sorry.

- Well, it don't look clean! -

Ooh.

- Someone's getting their hair did. - Yeah, I know.

What have I told you about laying those edges though, boo?

You're not allowed no more. Twitter said so.

She can do it.

So can she.

She probably could, but it'd look ridiculous.

This one definitely can't. You had that?

Pretend Parker Bowles, that's a look-a-likey.

Serial shoplifter. Couldn't make it up.

She's an absolute beast.

You can't be doing that either, boos. That is cultural appropriation.

We got bored.

Well, tell that to the court of public opinion.

If Adele can't do it, I don't see how you can.

Elizabeth Fry, the great prison reformer, once said,

"It is an honor to be on the side of the afflicted."

I say, "Hear, hear."

Except the murderers.

And the pedophiles.

Most sex offenders.

All sex offenders.

But...

all the others, I'm right behind.

Put it down there.

Name?

Angela Brookes.

Sign and date there for your belongings.

Is this your first time in prison, Angela?

Yeah.

Well, you'll settle in.

Right, come on. This way.

- -

Did I set out to be governor of a women's prison? I did not.

Was this the tier-one dream? No.

Was it the tier-two dream? Barely.

But I'm not the kinda person who walks away from a challenge,

and when one's head is hunted,

one sticks it firmly on the pike and marches into battle.

I was headhunted from my previous job.

- In events. - Yes.

- Thank you, Dean. That's Dean. - I'm her number two.

- Not that I need one. - You don't need a number two?

I've never needed a number two.

Laura came through the back door of nepotism

and got promoted through over confidence.

Governor of the prison? We know what this is.

Positive discrimination.

She got the job just 'cause she's a woman,

and I'm now spending my days trying to get her to say "number two" on camera.

It's a small victory for overqualified men in the workplace everywhere.

You know what?

You all right? I can see what's happened here.

What's happened here?

- What, my bump? - Yeah.

- Pregnancy, innit? - Pregnancy and in jail?

Parents must be proud.

- I told you I didn't want this. -

What is it today?

Shit. Why don't we never have tacos?

Tacos and tacos. Tacos and tacos.

- First day? - Yeah.

Aw.

Do I need to know how many days?

Do you just sit up in bed all night and compile loads of questions...

For goodness sake, Doug! Every time!

Laura, you really need to make a decision.

Yes, I know. Plumbing. General maintenance, etcetera, etcetera.

- Thank you, Douglas. - It's important.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "new inmate."

First timer?

Probably not.

I'm Laura Willis. I'm the governor.

And I want you to know, your crime is of no importance to me.

- Good. Because I'm not... - I don't need to know.

- Well, look, I think you should... - Ah, ah, ah.

- I am not judging you on your worst day. - I'm not an inmate.

Well, you are.

But you start afresh right here, right now. The slate is clean.

I'm Cheryl Fergison.

That's the spirit, Cheryl Fergison. Welcome.

You're Cheryl Fergison.

That's exactly who you are.

Ex-soap star, not a prisoner.

Well, a prisoner of your own talents. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you.

- You look nothing like your photo. - What? This photo?

Is that you?

Yes.

Wowza.

So, West Side Story . Very exciting.

Let me know if you need anything from me, but I don't think you'll have any problem.

- What do you mean? - You know, just fitting in.

You know, all this.

This will all be... beneficial.

- Why? - 'Cause just...

Everything works.

This your guard? Do you want a bigger one?

Do you even need one?

I mean, well, she's here now, so...

Go on, off you go. Drum up some business!

Good luck! You won't need it.

See you, Cheryl. I meant to say, I'm a big fan.

I'm Dean, by the way. Laura's number two.

Wasn't my choice!

To keep the prison board happy, I was forced to have a number two.

Musicals? In prison? Hell to the yes.

No creativity, no rehabilitation.

Which, incidentally, is the upcoming subject of my TED talk.

What's that called again?

"I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings:

How Women in Prison Thrive through Music and Song."

- When's that happening then? - No date set.

- So, never. - It's upcoming.

Anyway, that is why I've asked Cheryl Fergison,

aka Ms. Heather Trott, to come and direct West Side Story .

- Not an obvious choice. - Not her first rodeo.

As it turns out, Cheryl has lots of experience working with prisoners

doing drama workshops and whatnot.

When does she have time for all her rodeos?

She's also a well-loved face from stage and screen,

which everyone will be excited about.

Big shout going out to the EastEnders massive.

I've never seen it. It's a popular soap opera about Cockneys.

Yes, I was on EastEnders ,

which does make you very recognizable.

But people move on, as have I, as have the audience.

The public see me as a versatile actress

rather than a character I once played on a soap.

All right, Heather? Thought you were dead.

I'm Gary, by the way.

Soap royalty.

Calm down, Gary. She's only human.

I'll be all right in a minute.

It's just a great day.

What do you like most about Cheryl, Gaz?

The way she just floats through the scenes.

She floats convincingly, don't she?

The nature of her floating is authentic.

Yeah.

And EastEnders needed her at that time as well, because...

Big time.

- Saved it. - Saved it.

- Saved it. - Saved it.

Do you know the most important factor in not reoffending?

Stable home life.

Is it? Do you know the other most important factor?

- Regular employment? - Shall I tell you?

- Sure. - Creativity.

- This about your little musical project? - Creativity,

a sense of purpose, self-esteem.

And my "little musical project"...

government-funded scheme soon to be rolled out nationally...

is a step in the right direction.

And if I know these women,

they will run towards this opportunity and leap into its arms.

- All right, ladies. How are we doing? -

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! I'm so excited!

It's fantastic to be here. Who's up for a bit of West Side Story ?

- Me! - It's a story of two rival gangs,

- so some of you might enjoy that aspect. - You know who you are, boos.

There'll be proper rehearsals, we'll bring in an orchestra.