The Vampire Dies in No Time (吸血鬼すぐ死ぬ)

My son hasn't come home yet!

He was last seen heading towards Castle Draluc.

Draluc.

He's a fearsome progenitor

and an invincible vampire!

I beg of you, sir!

Please save my son, Vampire Hunter Ronaldo the Great!

Leave it to me.

Invincible progenitor?

If I can hunt that down,

it'll be a nice addition to my title collection.

Now, reveal yourself, Draluc!

Today is your last--!

Sand...

Sand...

The progenitor and invincible vampire, Draluc.

You're kidding, right?

What's up with this door?

Does it have some sort of holy power or...?

He revived himself!

You got me good, lowly, stinky human.

All I did was open the door.

I commend your courage in coming to this castle alone.

Answer this, foolish trespasser:

did you commit this act of violence

knowing I am the progenitor and invincible vampire, Draluc?

Damn straight! I, Vampire Hunter Ronaldo the Great,

have come to eliminate you!

Is that right?

Again?!

Don't mind me; I'm a hornworm.

Just ignore me.

My intro sequence was wasted on you!

Are you sure you're the Draluc?

You're not just some tourist in a crappy cosplay?

If that were the case,

then you would have murdered a cosplaying tourist.

Are you cool with that?

Yes, I am indeed the vampire, Draluc.

However, I am not the powerful being

you silly humans make me out to be.

So you're not really an invincible progenitor?

Not really.

That's just something a tour bus guide made up,

and it ended up spreading.

You could have told people it wasn't true!

I could have,

but the locals believed it and used it to revitalize the town.

Who am I to take that away from them?

Okay, so, the real story is you're a little weak potato.

You dare mock me?!

I'm a formidable adversary in fighting games.

You wanna fight me?

No, I don't!

Ah, you're not a fan of fighting games?

That's fine. We can play Vamperman instead--sand.

You're hopeless!

On top of being super weak, you're also a super freak!

What's with the unwarranted hostility?!

Do you like little boys?

Where is the one that you kidnapped?

That's actual slander!

I like grown women with graceful, swan-like necks!

Spare me your kinky fetishes, you sick piece of trash!

Those video games are bait to kidnap children,

aren't they, you pervert?

Not at all! They are purely my hobby!

"Hey, kid, wanna come over and play with my joystick"?

Wow, cool hobby!

See? You're the pervert!

What are you doing, little boy?

QSQ.

He meant why are you here?

He's got, like, a ton of games here,

so I've been comin' every day to play them.

Every day?!

Ah, makes sense--

vampires sleep during the day.

I thought there were a bunch of extra save files.

And you never questioned it?

Today, I was trying to beat the game,

and I lost track of time.

You think you can simply get away

with trespassing into my castle?

I am the vampire, Draluc, boy!

Yeah? You're way uglier than I thought.

Sand...

Oh, man. What a class-A letdown.

Let's go, kid.

No way, man. If I go home now, my mom'll be pissed.

Nah, she won't be pissed.

Your mom, she was really worried about you.

To a mother, her child is always the most important thing.

Don't act like you know jack squat about my mom, dude.

Shut up! I was just trying to make a point!

Anyway, I'm not going home yet!

Later, dude bros!

Stop! You're scratching the floor!

Get back here!

Hah! You fool.

Don't think you can beat me to him.

Not inside my own castle!

Hang on! Remember, he's a kid!

Now, small boy. Come quietly--

Sand...

You idiot!

Damn it!

Where'd that brat go?

Hey, lead the way, you stupid vampire!

Give me a sec. My leg's still smarting from that kick--

kid's stronger than he looks.

Now look here, if anything happens to that kid,

you're gonna pay.

Oh?

The big, bad hunter's nice to bratty kids, huh?

Of course I am!

You can't become an expert hunter just by being strong.

If people don't know and like you,

then you won't get any jobs.

I always act like a perfect gentleman with my clients,

and I even help keep the community

looking nice and clean.

That's how I've achieved this high level of success.

But if something were to happen to a client's kid on my watch?

I would be out of a damn job by tomorrow morning!

Okay, I get it. Say it, don't spray it.

There he is!

Over there!

Crap! Where are the dang stairs?

Perhaps I'll turn into a bat and go first!

I hope you can make it while that boy still has blood left,

Big Bad Vampire Hunter.

You bastard.

Why, you--!

Oh, no. I can't turn back.

Help me! I can't turn back!

Don't you dare come near me!

Why the hell did you turn into something so gross and freaky?

That's mean!

It's been a long time, so I forgot how to transform!

Just give me a little chop!

If I die, I'll go back to normal!

You shouldn't treat death like a reset button, dummy!

Sand...

Stop messing around, damn brat!

Idiot kids like you with no sense of danger

make work harder for us hunters!

Man, you're an a-hole.

"I was verbally abused by this vampire hunter

named Ronaldo just now." Post!

I'm a sad, dirty pig.

Can you please delete that post, please?

Brown-noser! Right now,

you are the embodiment of a foolish, cringey adult.

My job depends on being liked!

Online backlash could end it all for me!

Wait, stop!

Dammit, he ran away again!

Kids are like cats: they run away on instinct when chased.

Hang on a sec.

Why don't we lure him with something?

Hmm?

Maybe my popular autobiography?

You carry those around with you?

It's been published by a real publisher!

You can have a copy of your own if you want! Here!

No! Never!

Not even if it was stuffed with money!

You think that rude, little boy will read this?!

Yes, children can appreciate literature better than anyone!

Which, speak of the devil, there he is!

Damn it; he never stops.

Look, Hunter, we're going nowhere like this.

Let's attack from both sides.

I'll try to cut him off from the hallway

and you keep chasing after him from here.

If you die again, I'm gonna kill you!

Fool!

That room is lousy with traps set for trespassers.

You and the boy can both become my victims, Hunter!

Hm?

Hey, man!

There was a scary, beam-shooting thing in there!

So why in the world would you bring it out here?!

Sand...

What the hell is this?!

It emits low electric pulses to relax muscles.

Oh, and those low electric pulses were enough to kill you?

This thing aimed and fired at me!

Yes, that's the special function where it locks

onto trespassers and tries to work out the knots

in their shoulders! Nice, huh?

That's enough! I'm not letting you out of my sight!

Please, no! My muscles are fine!

Look! This place is clearly booby trapped!

Quit lying to me!

So, then, you saw the traps,

and you went in anyway?

Well? What're those big spikes?

Oh, those? They're my special health implements!