Bridget & Eamon

Is this really your first time?

You really know what you're doing. Go again Bridget.

Go! Go! GO!

I'm going! I'm going.

I'm going! I'm going!

I'm done in.

Bridget!

I knew ye were having aerobics in this house.

And with the kids here. You disgust me.

Oh Concepta. What would Seanie think?

And you, your steps just outside. You lazy bitch.

Shut up Eamon. Shut up Concepta.

I'm nearly there.

Go! Go! Go!

Go!

Eamon.

Eamon!

Get out or I'll call the guards and they'll be here in 3 hours.

Bridget! Bridget!

Eamon. Eamon, it's me. Bridget.

Can a man not fantasise about other women in his own bed

without his wife ruining it on him?

What's wrong with you? You look like you've had a stroke.

Eamon, how can I maintain my youthful looks

with 6 to 8 kids hanging out of me.

Having to do things like feed them and watch them on occasion.

I can't get the choppy/changey. You say it's too expensive.

They've added threepence onto the pint, Bridget.

- It's 99 pence a pint now. - Go 'way.

Frank says up in Dublin it's Ј1.10 a pint.

I never want to go there.

It'll never go above that. Not down here.

- We're never going there. - Never.

We're never going there.

I'm not buying you another communion outfit.

Where do you think you're living, Southfork?

You can wear your sister's.

Timmy. Timmy!

I don't think we have a Timmy.

Well he knew you.

Did you get Fierce Handy Frank to have a look at that hole

in the ceiling? I told you to.

Fierce Handy Frank.

Why would I get Fierce Handy Frank to do something that I can do myself

and save myself six pounds in the process?

There's a waste of good sellotape.

What did I tell you about playing

in that hole

in that ceiling?

It's dangerous!

Now go out and play in the road.

Me nerves.

If that tramp Fidelma is in it this week,

I'm writing to the Taoiseach's office.

I love Dick.

We interrupt the current programme for this urgent news bulletin.

Next Saturday will see the first ever National Lottery draw.

Tickets for the guaranteed Ј250,000 jackpot

are now available from post offices and shops nationwide.

Now we return to our scheduled programming.

Eamon. Can you imagine the communion that we'd get for Timmy with that money.

We could take the kids to Mosney or we could leave 'em at home

and go off somewhere real cosmopolitan by ourself,

like Naas and drink West Coast Coolers.

Oh the things we could do with that money, Eamon.

For the family.

Eamon.

Eamon.

Eamon! Are you listening to me?

I never listen to you Bridget.

Can a man not fantasize about giving scantily glad women money, in his own house?

Now shut up.

No, it's gone.

It's gone. And I gave one of them a twenty.

Naas.

Did we decided on the synidikitty?

Syndicate Bridget.

That's what I said. Synidikitty.

There's so many numbers. How do we pick them?

How about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6?

The RTE Guide said that statistically that's

as likely to come up as any other combination.

Professor!

You're as stupider as my cousin who sold his house and moved into an apartment.

Seriously, we do have to pick numbers that are easy to remember.

Like the kids birthdays Eamon.

- Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

Bridget?

Oh. We'll start with the youngest.

He was.. No, she.. She.

Do you not remember the birthdays of your own children, Bridget?

How dare you.

I just thought we'd pick numbers that are lucky.

Or important to remember.

- The feast days of Our Lady. Yes!

The Annunciation, 25th March. 25.

Our Lady of Loreto. December 10th.

Our Lady of Guadalupe. December 12th.

Very impressive Noreen.

Visitation, May 31st. Our Lady of Perpetual Help, June 27.

- We need one more. - Eamon.

The Ascension of Our Lady into space with the novenas. October 5th. 5.

I'm not familiar with that one.

Write down 5. October 5th.

Now Bridget. There's the money.

Go into town tomorrow and get the ticket.

Oh I will. I'll do that. I'll go straight there tomorrow.

You can count on me.

I'll go in and buy the winning ticket!

Fair play Bridget. Fair play.

PJ, stop your moaning and do your party piece!

Eamon. Eamon.

Eamon! Eamon! I'm off out Eamon!

Stick on the emersion for me, will you.

Hello. 3257 double 8.

Hello Betty.

No, I won't make my appointment this morning.

What?

Marco from the Naas Fashion Week who won the award for the best do?

But I've been waiting 6 months to get the choppy/changey with him.

He can't be available today.

How much are we talking?

Jesus Christ! I don't have the money.

Sure this is it.

Oh this is it.

This is it.

Betty, I'll think about it.

Bridget, you can get the ticket.

We'll definitely win with these numbers.

Choppy/changey.

250,000 pounds jackpot. We'll all be millionaires.

Are you sure you're alright with all that syndikitty money Bridget?

Would you have the loan of a slice of ham 'til next Tuesday?

Have you looked in the mirror Bridget?

Video nasty more like it.

Choke Bridget, choke!

- I am choking! - Choke!

I'll choke you in a minute!

Mmm, Bridget.

You did! Oh my God. Look at the new do.

From the front it's all business but from behind,

I could be sipping West Coast Coolers in..

- Naas. - Yes! Naas.

You make Krystle Carrington look like a cheap whore.

Oh thanks Father.

Good evening and welcome to the National Lottery's Lotto draw.

Our very first number is..12.

Our second number is 10. Number 10.

Here's the third number now. Number 25 is our third number.

Maybe you can match 4 with our 4th number which is 31.

Perhaps your fifth number is 27.

Come on. The ascension of Our Lady into space with the novenas.

The ascension of Our Lady into space with the novenas!

Our final number tonight for that big jackpot..

Number 5.

Shite.

Shite.

What do you think of that beauty?

Take it back. That is a death trap!

Bridget, there are seatbelts in the back.

I don't care. I want our old car back.

Our old car.

Bridget, it took three of the kids to push start it.

The radio only came on in third gear.

But it had sentimental value.

Bridget, you lost your left foot because of that car.

I don't care. It was classy.

Classy! You couldn't go left in it.

You had to do a full 360 if you wanted to go the opposite direction.

I just want our old car back.

You have to go and get the money as well.

I know we're loaded and it's great. We're so loaded.

But it's very important you get the money back.

Bridget, today was the happiest day of my life.

I'm not bringing this car back.

What about the day our first child was born, Eamon?

Bridget, he didn't come out with anti-lock brakes, front and rear heaters

and a tape player.

This has Dolby. That young fella's thick.

I'm pregnant!

Sure we'll send them all off to boarding school.

We've the money now anyway.

I'm dying.

Sure we'll have a lovely funeral for you in a hotel.

We can even get you a headstone.

Oh, I can't lie to you Eamon.

I didn't get the lotto ticket. We've no money.

Eamon, get up.

I can't bring it back. Stop Eamon.

I can't bring it back.

It's okay. He's just having a stroke.

< I can't bring it back.