The Wrong Girls

Little is known to us about

the elusive giant squid and the meaning behind

the patterns of her bioluminescent glow.

They might indicate I'm lonely and looking to fuck,

or I hate you and want to kill you.

We just don't know.

Our next freak of the deep,

the hairy frogfish.

Jinx.

They also have feet.

You're the only person that really understands me, Mols.

Which we can all agree is weird.

Welcome to our home. Welcome to our home.

Oh yeah.

Hey, I'm with Quick Things. I've got your cheese sculpture.

No.

- Are you fucking shitting me? - I know.

I actually couldn't believe it either.

What can I say? I just make the deliveries.

No, not yet. Sorry, it's this person with the cheese.

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm having some friends over.

It's kind of a college reunion thing.

Dude, this is gonna be so wild.

Just lots of old boobies I haven't touched in years, you know?

Just sagging low, probably.

Are you literally holding a lit joint right now?

Oh. Sorry.

I forgot.

- Uh, we just need a signature real quick. - You're not gonna believe this.

An unwashed delivery chick just showed up at my door smoking weed.

Yeah, exactly. I should ask her where to get drugs for the party.

No, I'm not worried about the Johnsons. I'm going to evict them.

It's not a big deal.

I'm not worried about that 50 cent lawyer

that they got at the Dollar General store.

Are you-- he's a fucking creampuff. I'm gonna suck him dry.

Yeah, Marta! This door.

Hey, hey. Dio, you know it's not finished.

Hey, man.

Molly girl.

What's shaking, Jose?

- Just taking care of business. - Yeah.

A lot of business to take care of.

For example, this morning I woke up, brushed my teeth.

- Crazy. - Went to the bathroom.

- Mm-hmm - I ate a Wendy's Baconator last night.

I blew it up. And then I fed Cookie.

I did some yard work.

And then I went to Costco.

You should go get pizza there. You don't even got to be a member.

You know how there's always like that homie in front who's like,

Hey, where's your membership card?

Not out there, because it's not inside Costco.

It's outside Costco, but it's still part of Costco.

Mm-hmm.

I've been watching the show, Sliders. Do you remember Sliders, from the '90s?

But now it's on Syfy Network. It's not a reboot. It's

all the OG episodes with that fool, Brenden Fraser.

It was on the Syfy Network. Man, it's a trip.

Oh. Hey.

- Oh, shit, what's up, Frankie? - What's up, dude?

Well, now that everybody's here, Lucia's been riding me pretty hard.

Not sexually, you know, but like, she's being all dramatic.

She's saying that if you don't pay her by next week...

Yeah, totally. No, no, no.

I mean, abso-fruitly, we are gonna have the money tomorrow, actually.

We're late. I am so sorry.

You've been so cool about it, though.

Hell yeah.

You guys are always smoking that dank, dank.

All right, chicas, I'm cool.

You're cool as fuck.

- Let's just be cool, right? - Hell yeah.

Rent tomorrow, though.

Bye, Jose.

How much rent is enough rent?

When does it stop?

Why'd you tell him we'd have it tomorrow?

Did you find cash in the fridge again?

No. I just know that you finished that inventory doc for the med spa.

Uh, yeah.

Molly. I'll have it done tomorrow, I swear.

Okay?

Suck on my dick.

Shit.

I just did the math on this and we owe $2,422.37.

Not including rent.

Ta-da!

Be careful with the brownie, though.

I made it crazy strong. By accident, on purpose.

Mm. Mm.

What is that?

I put blue cheese in it.

- Blue cheese? - Yeah.

You're an innovator.

You gotta eat fast though, because--

I'm meeting Mike Z at the Mannequin Pussy Show.

Did you hang out with them last night?

No, I was with you. Remember?

- We solved climate change. - Oh, yeah.

Hmm. I thought he posted a pic of you.

Who do we tell about the climate change thing?

Like, the government?

Um, that's not an-- Frances Smith!

- Hmm? - Molly, why does this girl look like me?

Wait, what?

Wow, the girl is like exactly you, if you wore glasses.

She's an analyst at Chapman Chemical Laboratories.

She's got a real job.

Cool, she's a scientist.

You should go anyway to the show.

What?

Who cares that Mike Z.'s a douche who replaced

you with an upgraded version of yourself?

- Upgraded? - Metaphorically upgraded.

Hey.

Who invented the Bongatron?

When we needed to watch the Shark Week, where Michael Phelps raced a shark,

who figured out how to steal cable from the neighbors?

I did.

And when we got locked in the parking lot of Party City for hours,

who invented the parachute of balloons that got us out of there?

Me.

So you can't let some lame-o pea-brain ruin your night just because he

found a nerd who works in a lab.

That is not the Frankie Campbell I know.

Well, come with me.

I can't.

I can't, I can't, I can't.

I got to finish the spreadsheets so we can pay Jose and--

Josh is coming over later to help.

You know that I love you more than Josh loves you, right?

Like if we were both in a burning building covered in pigeons, you could only

save one of us, who's it going to be? Who's it going to be?

Wait, no, no, stay on topic. This is the topic.

I need you to come with me to the show so I don't feel like a loser.

Frankie, you're the opposite of a loser.

Everybody else is just a square weenie with no imagination.

- Yeah. - I went and walked myself

Like a dog without a leash

Now I'm growling at a stranger I am biting at their knees If I wanted it

You really think I'd wait for their permission? For

protection and assurances That all would be delivered?

And like our fathers did, our mothers did, and them and those before

And you say you want a difference Your honor to be yours Like our

fathers did, our mothers did And them and those before The echo --

Does this say I'm gonna kill Bartholomew?

- Hmm? - Who is Bartholomew?

And why wouldn't you just go by Bart?

- Baby, you gotta focus. - I am.

- No, on this. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Baby, what's this?

Oh, yeah.

Even though she didn't graduate, they just like keep asking Frankie for money.

- I think it's pretty rude, honestly. - Wait, wait, wait.

You're telling me Frankie went to Stanford?

Yeah.

Yeah, she used to be like really into school and stuff.

What did she study?

Like the train one...

where you invent things...

Engineering?

Yeah, that's the one.

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

But you know Frankie.

She just had, like, too many ideas and a hard time finishing stuff.

So she had a nervous breakdown and failed out.

That's so sad.

She's really sensitive about it.

So, if it ever comes up, you just act like she chose to leave.

Yeah.

She likes to feel in control.

Oh, shit!

So, you're just gonna replace me with me, huh?

- Like I'm a fucking iPhone update. - Frankie!

Hi, good to see you.

I didn't know you'd come here.

Why does this girl look just like me?

More like, why does this girl look like me?

Yeah, I don't see it.

I mean, does anybody really look like anybody?

No, it's very, very weird actually. I don't like it.

Frankie, Frances, Frances, this is a coincidence.

- I barely know this person. - Hey!

Oh! Wait, your glasses!

I'm over this, Michael.

I can't see anything. I'm out of here.

Babe, wait!

- Michael? Lol. - Thanks a lot.

To save you from the reach

I am spiteful like a god. Seek out vengeance like the

rest. For what they did to you I will never lay to rest

How very kind of you, but I'm allergic to roofies. Thanks

Actually, fuck it, I'm having a really bad night.

I'm severely in debt.

I hate spreadsheets.

You hate your job? Yeah.

It sucks. It's very boring.

And, like, you want to be a chef?

For sure.