Mr Inbetween

We there yet?

No...

you impatient cunt.

So what's the surprise?

Not telling.

Why not?

'Cause it's a fucking surprise.

That's the whole point of a surprise.

You don't tell the other person 'cause then it just...

it ruins the surprise.

But I don't like surprises.

Well, you'll fucking like this one.

- Yeah, we'll see. - You'll like this one.

Yeah, we'll see.

Look the other way.

I didn't come out this far for you to fuck it up.

Close your eyes. Look the other way.

This better be fucking good, mate, I tell you.

Just close your eyes.

They're closed.

Put your hands out.

Get fucked.

- Hey? - Fuck off.

Hey, you like surprises now, hey?

- That's a Sterling. - No, that's a Patchett.

Patchett?

Better than a Sterling. Better than the Sten.

Pretty much won us World War II

and it'll blow your fucking head off.

What are you doing with them?

Gonna make some fruit salad.

Stay.

Stay too.

You ready?

This is it, mate.

Merry fucking Christmas.

All right, I've got another one for you.

Yeah.

Would you rather have great sex or great food?

- Great food. - Oh, that's boring.

Well, you gotta eat.

Yeah, but if you're going to have the great food,

then you gotta have bad sex.

What's bad sex?

Oh, that's the sex I have with you.

Oh... very funny.

All right, if you're gonna have the great food,

then you've gotta have...

bad sex with like some stinky, crusty old granny.

I'll have the great sex, then.

Okay, but then you're gonna have the bad food.

What's bad food?

I don't know. What's a food you don't like?

Sandwiches.

What do you... who doesn't like sandwiches?

- I don't fucking like sandwiches. - What do you mean?

I mean, toasted's all right but not fucking raw ones.

Well, what is a raw sandwich?

Well, not toasted.

A bit of bread with some shit in it.

Yeah, all right, fine. Okay...

If you're gonna have the great sex then

you have to eat raw sandwiches for the rest of forever.

How about I eat the sandwiches

while I'm having the great sex?

Yeah, if you want. Sure, why not?

All right, I'll do that then.

Won't even notice.

Bobby.

- How you doing? - Hey.

- How you doing? - Yeah, good.

- Ray, Davros. - How you going, mate?

So, Ray...

did Freddy explain why I wanted to see you?

Yeah.

So how is your friend?

- He's been better. - Yeah?

Right.

I heard he was in a coma.

That's the way it goes, eh? No hard feelings.

Well, I'm afraid there are hard feelings.

Quite a lot of hard feelings, actually.

Are there?

That's why we're having this chat.

You can't go around bashing my guys.

But your guys can go around bashing my friends, can they?

Look, we had no idea you were friends

with the guy that got bashed.

I know you and Freddy are friends.

And out of respect for Freddy, my guys wouldn't have done

what they did had they known.

If they did...

I would have put them in the hospital myself.

Did you know Freddy and I are family?

He does now.

He does now.

Good.

Well...

we all know where we stand now, so...

we're good.

Right?

Come on. Get up.

Get up there.

In the future...

if there is a problem...

you won't go off half cocked.

You just keep your guys in line, mate, okay?

And then I won't have to do it for you.

Nice to meet you.

Jesus Christ.

Don't even think about it.

Trust me. Don't even think about it.

Pass it to me!

Go, go, go. Keep it moving.

Come out, come out.

Bella, Bella, over here.

Hey, Britt. Brittany.

Corey.

But even though there are lots

of different types of stag beetles,

many are facing a loss of habitat that is threatening...

- What's that? - Bug Versus Bug.

I'm obsessed with it.

Last night they had two spiders.

They had this like, jumping spider

and this spitting spider.

And the jumping spider, he attacks the other one...

- and jumps on him, but he misses. - Mm.

And the spitting spider,

he then shoots out this kind of like...

What are these idiots doing?

Having a good old fucking chit-chat.

Oh, fuck, here we go.

- What's your problem, dick head? - What's my problem...

- Ah! - I'll fucking give you one of those,

- you fucking little turd. - Ray!

Yeah, you better run, you fucking cocksucker.

Hey? Hey?

Ah!

Yeah, fucking run, you little bitch.

- What? - What the fuck?

Just get in the car, love. Get in.

You want a cuppa?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Hey, can we talk?

Yeah, what's up?

What happened today with those guys...

it's kind of really bothering me.

Mm.

Um...

I mean, I know they were being assholes but...

Mm.

Like, you were really violent...

and it bothers me.

What was I supposed to do?

I just...

feel like you could have...

you could have at least tried to talk to the guy,

you know?

Maybe tried to...

defuse the situation.

Yeah.

That would have given his partner

time to get out of the car.

And then I'm dealing with two assholes instead of one.

I mean, one on one...

yeah, sure. But, uh...

two on one, it's just too risky.

And you were there, I don't want you getting hurt, so...

Sure. Right, yeah.

Okay?