2 Days in Paris

This is us, meaning him and me.

Right now we're just exhausted.

We're back from a journey.

We saw palazzos, vaporettos and espressos.

We were on a journey to Italy,

like the title of a movie with a happy ending.

Really, we were mostly in Venice...

Because it is the city where lovers go.

It's also the city over water that will end up underwater.

Greens, ochers, pinks, blues, even grays that shine. That's Italy.

And the pasta, of course.

Now we're a true couple. Two years that we've been together.

Two years nowadays, it's almost a miracle.

Two years of happiness with ups and downs...

And in-betweens mostly.

Really, we just need to pick up Jean-Luc that we dropped off at my parents'...

Between the airport and the train station.

Night train to Venice, that was my idea.

So on our way back to New York, we have decided to spend two days in Paris.

Oh, my god. He's gonna kill him. He's gonna kill him.

Isn't that the same guy... isn't it the chef who nearly stabbed me...

For putting Parmesan cheese on my seafood pasta?

It's the same guy. It wasn't that bad.

What are you talking about? I had food poisoning for four days.

Did you enjoy any of it? I enjoyed the view from the bathroom.

Can we call a cab or something? It's pouring already.

There's, like, one drop. It's gonna pour. Trust me.

I'm gonna call a taxi because you're made of sugar. I can't get sick.

The second we get back to New York, I have to start work.

There's no signal. You're kidding me. I'm gonna get a sinus infection.

'Cause the diarrhea lowers your resistance.

Okay, there's a bus stop over there. It's the direct bus... no, no.

No buses, no subways in Europe. The terrorism and the whole thing.

What do you mean? Like it's safer in New York? Paris is fine.

There's no terrorism in Paris.

Because France has a secret deal with terrorist fundamentalists.

Because France is a Muslim country after all.

You're a fucking psycho. I'll try to get a connection somewhere. I don't...

excuse me. I heard you talking. You're American, aren't you?

I am indeed. Well, we're, uh,

a group of international code breakers.

We're supposed to meet our French delegation at the Louvre at 10:00 A.M.

Do you happen to know if it's anywhere near here?

Oh, yeah. Actually, you're really close. Oh, really?

Yeah... it's so close, I don't think a cab will take you...

'Cause they're very picky here.

So, all you do is you would go right down there,

you make a left, make your first right. Right, left?

Yeah... and then just keep going straight for 10 minutes. You'll be fine.

You sure? Yeah, yeah.

I appreciate it so much. Americans are so friendly. Sure.

The French are just so rude.

It's a cliché, but it's true. It's true.

We Americans have to stick together. That's right.

Thank you so much! Absolutely. My pleasure.

Good luck. Bye. Thank you.

Crack that code, huh? Come on, guys. Let's go.

Okay. All right.

- Let's get going! - No taxi in the area.

That's all right. We'll be fine. What's going on?

What's... what happened?

They wanted to know where the Louvre was, so I told them.

You told them... you know where it is? No.

And you told them to go this way? But it's miles away.

Now we're at the beginning of the taxi line. Survival of the fittest.

They're gonna go straight to the suburb.

I mean, they're your compatriots. My compatriots!

They voted for bush. They're on a Da Vinci tour.

They're the physical embodiment of everything that's wrong...

Culturally and politically with this world.

Maybe they'll see something other than the Mona Lisa. Get involved in a riot.

Jog their political consciousness a little bit.

You're so mean, but you're so right. I love you.

Sinus infection.

Oh. It's automatic.

Can you turn the radio down?

We've been on a train for 12 hours. We're exhausted.

Twelve? Where from? Venice.

Hate the place! Took both my wives there.

The program about battered wives.

I want to listen to this. Why?

I had two wives and I beat them both. That's horrible!

Yeah, I was wrong...

Paris. I was born in the 13th, raised in the 14th,

lived in the 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, 19th and 20th...

Until I moved to New York.

I'm Marion, and I'm a photographer.

It's ironic since I can't see much.

I have a birth defect on my retina. It's just full of tiny holes.

How can I describe to you what I see?

There it is... my vision of the world.

Yes, everyone sees the world literally differently.

So I gave her a good beating myself.

This is Jack. He's an interior designer.

"Kids are like rats. They carry diseases." Something he said on our third date.

- Oh, my god. I mean, look at the lights. - I thought it was so... sweet.

It's like a postcard of Paris.

I'm the photographer, but on this trip, he took all the photos.

Every moment was digitized, immortalized from every angle.

What's he taking pictures of?

Everything. Absolutely everything.

Another terrorist attack...

listen to that! Another fast-food joint going up in smoke.

Last week it was two sports stores...

And last month a supermarket.

He's an "anti-globalization protester."

He burns fast food? I heard there's shit in their meat!

It's right here.

- Up here? - All right, you go straight.

This way? One floor up.

Elevator? What?

Elevator? It's on the second floor. You think you can make it?

Didn't your train get in at nine? Oh, mama.

Yeah, but with traffic, strikes... France, what a mess!

What? Can't the poor exploited nurses go on strike?

This isn't America!

You still have that huge suitcase. You'll break your back!

You never listen, anyway. If it's not...

yes, my mother is a true pain in the butt.

But she's also the reason why I became who I am.

Marion. Marion. Marion.

Mom, Marion's stuck again!

Marion? Marion?

Mom, is Marion a retard?

When I was young, I was a bit special,

but not special in a good way.

I was always late everywhere because I was stuck in my world.

I would look at things in the courtyard and the streets for hours.

I even think I could hear voices.

But not the kind that tells you to save the world. Other kinds of voices.

move it.

Some parents would have been seriously worried.

The doctors had prescribed tons of new medication,

but my mother said no.

She just got me a Polaroid camera,

and instead of looking at things for hours, I'd just photograph them.

You've always done exactly what you wanted.

- And we had to fall in line. - Really, I... honey?

Hello, madam.

Oh, bonjour. Are you okay?

- Yes. - Jack. Jack, Anna.

I'm sorry we met so briefly on the way in. Yes.

Yes, very short presentation.

We had to drop off a very important package... Jean-Luc.

Give me the pussycat. Here, your phone!

Do you "do" a good voyage?

Oh, yes, very nice. Très bon.

Yes, it was good? Beautiful. Yes, very beautiful.

Come down for lunch at one. Don't be late. Your dad hates that.

Right. D'accord.

How's Jean-Luc? Sleeping.

Au revoir. She's so sweet, your mother.

I know. What happened to you?

I don't know. You having a little trouble there, honey?

Oh, I need your help.

Oh, I need a strong man to carry my suitcase.

I thought you wanted to be a strong, independent woman and carry your own luggage.

Yeah, I am a strong, independent woman. I am a strong, independent woman.

Okay, I got it. I got it. Thank you.

So this is your big investment, huh? An apartment one floor up from your parents?

It's convenient. Yeah, especially if you like privacy.

No sarcasm in Paris. Okay, I'll be quiet for two days.

Thank you.

What?

You like? You don't like?

What is it?

You don't like? No, it's really... it's quaint.

What? No, it's cute.

It's not mid-century, I know. It's mid-century, 15th century.

No, it's very...

it's very Parisian, I guess. Is that a compliment?

Sure. It's kind of swampy in here.

Swampy? Yeah, like the water at the lido.

- No, it's... - what is that smell? What is that?

Oh, my god! What?

Honey! Honey!

Honey, what the fuck is that? Oh, it's a leak.

It's an old building. There's leaks all the time. The plumber...

there's no plumber in France.

Is that black mold? What's black mold?

- The deadliest fungus known to man if you inhale it. - Don't inhale.

That's not funny. I mean, seriously.

All right. No, it was there when I was here in January.

It's fine. It's not black. It-it's green.

Look at it. It's green. It's like blue cheese. It's probably good for you.

Okay, everybody out. Everybody out. Everybody out.

I'm condemning the bathroom. It's a hot zone. All right.

It's a bio hazard. Okay, we'll shit in the corner of the room.

We'll shit outside. Yeah, perfect.

Honestly, this place is like a petri dish for allergens, you know that?

Listen, we have allergies because we are too clean, okay?

A hundred years ago... mm-hmm?

We were covered in parasites and we had no allergies. Really?

Yes. So is that the same theory behind the French not bathing?

Yes. You sure you haven't "find" my contact lenses?

No, I have not "find" it. In your bag?

No, no. I don't feel well. Which one for the... my dad?

I don't feel well!

I can't tell if it's a migraine or if it's a flu.

Can I use this thermometer?