King of the Hill

Oh, God.

Both Dale and Boomhauer

are going away on the same weekend.

Sometimes I wish I was a worm,

so I could cut myself in half

and crawl in both their suitcases.

That'll do, Bill.

See ya later, man.

They're coming back, right, Hank?

Tell me they're coming back!

Damn it, Bill,

we go through this every Memorial Day.

Boomhauer will be back from his family reunion

before you know it.

And even though Dale said

he'd be back from his UFO convention

in 35 Romulan light-years,

it really only amounts to three days.

Well, amigos,

I guess this is au revoir.

Uh-oh. That could be a problem.

Better let me take a look at that.

Don't bother.

I'm sure it's just the engine.

Look, you're going on a long trip.

I'll just take it for a test ride.

Uh, that's okay.

The commander of the Federation

is a mechanic at Pep Boys.

He'll take a look at it.

You, you are coming back, aren't you, Hank?

It's fine, Hank.

She purrs like a kitten.

See?

Pipe down, Dale.

I can't hear the...

Now, come on, hit it, Gribble!

Go, go-go-go.

Boomhauer?!

Dang ol'... H-Hank?

Uh...

So, all of your trips have been a lie!?

You guys were... fishing?!

Well, if your goal was to make Bill Dauterive look like a fool,

then you have succeeded.

Bill, you have to believe me, that wasn't our goal.

It was just a by-product.

Well, I won't stand for it!

Again, by-product.

It's just wrong, Peggy...

Ditching Bill like that for 18 years.

The level of deception is unbelievable.

Hank, you should get those guys to throw my next surprise party.

Well, I can understand

why they want a little vacation from him.

He definitely gets on your nerves.

But still, you just can't do that to a guy.

Uh, I guess I'll have to fix this.

As usual.

About my surprise party...

Make sure Boomhauer videotapes it.

I want to see the look on my face

when I walk through that door.

You sure about this, Hank?

It's gonna be okay, Bill.

Fellas, uh,

Bill and I enjoy fishing, too.

And if it would be all right, we'd like to come, too.

- Well, you know, talkin' 'bout ol'... - Uh... geez...

Look, I promise I'll keep him in line.

Sure, why not?

Oh, thank you for including me, fellas.

It makes me feel... special.

Yeah, screw it.

We might as well invite the whole world.

You know, wives and kids.

But I wanted this trip

to be just the four of...

Keep it in check, Bill.

Mom, I found my beach shirt!

Can you believe it was in Dad's rag bucket?

Boomhauer,

I'd move from behind this truck if I were you.

Ah, wait, the guy behind us is talking on a cell phone.

Might as well have a bottle of whiskey in his mouth.

You'd better switch back.

Gummi Foot, anyone?

Just one of the many perks

of riding in the "A" car.

You hear that, Bill?

You're in the "A" car.

Hey, what do y'all think is going on in the "B" car?

Probably something boring.

You got that right.

Women and their conversations.

Reality TV is so wonderful!

Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout ol'...

I've been using

little-little ol' apricot scrub.

Takin' years off your face, man, that ol' skin.

With these new maxi-pads,

I feel confident enough to ride a bicycle.

Damn it, Bill.

You just ruined a perfectly good comedy routine.

- But I... - You made it dirty,

and ruined the fun for everybody.

Sorry, Hank.

Now I don't even get a turn.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Hold it.

Number two.

Pull over, Boomhauer.

Uh, n-not the Gasco, the Shamrock.

What's with all the beer?

Oh, uh, the price was too good to pass up.

I guess one of you is gonna have to ride in the "B" car.

Dibs!

Okay, this is your chance.

Don't slobber and don't wipe your hands on the seat.

Church rules... gotcha.

And for dinner, I have a Greek salad,

which is eight net carbs,

a steak the size of my fist, 11 net carbs,

and all the sugar-free gelatin I want.

So, that's Wednesday.

Now, what about Thursday?

Well, Thursday is the same exact menu as Tuesday,

but I'll go through it anyway.

I wake up to egg whites and salsa... two net carbs.

Oh, God.

Hey, dude, check out my eyelids.

Uh-oh. We're out of potato chips.

Well, I'm sorry, but you'll just have to wait till I go shopping.

Give me the list.

I can go to the store.

Sorry, Bobby. This isn't one of your video games

where if you lose the grocery money

you can kill someone and get it back.

Please. It's one less thing for you to do.

Fine. Here's $100.

You are not to deviate from the list, mister.

And I am counting the change.

Where are the guys?

They were right behind us.

Well, when I left,

Bill took charge of the map.

So, they probably got lost.

Dee-dee-dum-dum.

Dumpty-dumpty dum-dum-dum squank.

What the heck happened to you guys?

Well, man, dang ol' bonehead here

got us lost, man.

I thought we'd make better time

by taking this blue highway

I found on the map.

It was a river!

All right, look, guys,

Bill didn't mean to screw up.

Are you kidding?

Bill was great!

If we hadn't gotten lost,

we never would've eaten the best tacos in the world!

Or gotten these great "Tico's Tacos" hats!

Tico's Tacos?

Yeah, yeah, I know, Hank.

Unscheduled stop, got us behind schedule,

could have given us stomach larvae.

But you gotta hear what Bill told the cashier.

Well, I just said, "If it's nacho cheese,

then whose is it?"

Probably h-had to be there, man.

"Nacho cheese."

Huh. I don't know what changed.

When I was in the car, everything was so tense.

- Nacho... - Ah, Bill!

Huh.

Wait. I see what's going on here.

Yeah, all these years,

it wasn't Bill they were avoiding.

It was me.

Oh. I just got that "nacho cheese" joke.

But you think so?

That's terrible.

Ha!

Is that all you got, fat man?

Hank...

stop pretending to fix things that are,

not ours and B: Not broken.

Now, go out there with your friends.

Huh. Maybe I should try some 3-in-1 Oil on this.

I know what's going on here.

Your feelings are hurt

because sometimes your friends have

a better time without you than they do with you.

But that doesn't mean they don't like you.

It just means you might have

to change your behavior just a little bit.

What do you mean, "change my behavior?"

It's not a big deal,

but sometimes, you have a tendency to, you know,