Thor: Love and Thunder

Oh, great and mighty Rapu,

we pray to you for water and sustenance.

I pray to you, not for me, but for my daughter.

I'm tired.

You have suffered.

Come to me.

Come to me.

You have suffered.

Come to me.

You have suffered.

Ah! What do we have here?

Look at it.

It's gobbling up all my fruit.

Rapu.

Bringer of Light.

Oh, it's one of mine.

I am Gorr, the last of your disciples.

We have lost everything, my lord.

The land is dry.

All life is lost.

But our faith in you never wavered

and now we await the promise

of the eternal reward.

Is this why you celebrate?

He... He thinks there's an eternal reward.

No. No, sorry.

There's no eternal reward for you, dog!

What we're celebrating is a fresh kill.

We just vanquished the holder of the Necrosword...

- You have suffered. - ...before he could harm

any other gods with that cursed blade.

if it's revenge you seek.

He threatened to end my entire empire.

But, my lord,

your empire has already ended.

There's no one left to worship you.

There'll be more followers to replace you.

There always are.

We have suffered...

and we have starved.

My daughter died...

- in your name. - And well you should.

Suffering for your gods is your only purpose.

There's nothing for you after death.

Except death.

You are no god.

I renounce you.

Now your meaningless life finally does have a purpose.

To sacrifice yourself to me.

if it's revenge you seek...

...kill all the gods.

Go to Eternity.

if it's revenge you seek...

summon the Bifrost.

Go to Eternity.

Kill all the gods.

Summon the Bifrost.

- Go to Eternity. - Kill all the gods.

Kill all the gods. Kill all the gods.

The sword chose you.

You are now cursed!

Funny.

It doesn't feel like a curse.

Feels like a promise.

So, this is my vow.

All gods will die.

Come, come, gather round.

And listen to the legend of the Space Viking.

AKA the God of Thunder. AKA Thor Odinson.

Raised in the way of the warrior,

Thor was taught to help win battles,

fighting the good fight

for those who can't fight good.

He grew and he grew and he grew.

He was sensitive, like a smile.

And his loving nature did not discriminate.

He once loved a swashbuckling Passionista.

Another time, he loved a Wolf Woman

on a Woman Wolf.

But Thor's one true love was an Earth woman

named Jane Fonda.

Oh, wait. No. Jane Foster.

But sadly, in the battle for love, Thor lost.

Ooh.

In fact, he lost a lot of people in those days.

His mum.

His dad.

And that guy.

And that guy.

And whoever that is.

And Heimdall.

And his brother.

And his brother, again.

And again.

Poor Thor had to watch his planet explode.

And then he said, "What have I done?"

It seemed that everything

and everyone he loved, he lost.

And so he hid his heart behind a big, fleshy bod,

so it could never be broken again.

But just because he was done loving,

didn't mean he was done fighting.

He tea med up with the Guardians of the Galaxy

and set off on some classic Thor adventures.

He got in shape.

Putting in the hard yards.

Turning pains into gains, and never skipping leg day.

He went from Dad Bod to God Bod.

But beneath his God Bod, there was still a Sad Bod

just trying to get out.

Because all of the bods

that Thor had worn over the years

couldn't hide the pain

that he was feeling on the inside.

So he gave up his search for love,

accepting that he was only good for one thing...

Waiting in quiet contemplation for someone to say,

"Thor, we need your help to win this battle."

Thor.

We need your help to win this battle.

Let's go.

Okay. Come on, Storm breaker.

Back to work.

We must hurry, okay?

People are dying.

See you down there.

Hurry up!

Give me those. You're gonna break 'em.

I am Groot!

Ah, you got sap all over it.

Hello, everybody.

Well, well, look who it is.

How are we doing, guys?

Terrible!

We're all about to die.

You said this planet would be a relaxing holiday.

I said it was going to be, "Like a relaxing holiday."

But look at that resplendent skyscape.

Three suns of Saturn.

What could be more relaxing than that?

An actual holiday!

Die, Booskan scum!

God of Thunder.

King Yakan.

You have finally joined our fight.

Well, as they say,

"Better late than not at all."

Yes, it's very nice.

As you know, we used to live in a peaceful oasis.

But then our gods were murdered.

Murdered?

And now our sacred temple has been left unguarded,

and Habooska's hordes took control of its power.

It is our most sacred shrine and he desecrates it.

Not for long.

Ah!

King Yakan, tell them what happened here today.

Tell of the time that Thor,

and his ragtag, motley crew of misfit desperados,

turned the tide of the battle,

and etched their names in history.

For the odds may be against us,

but I'll tell you this for free...

Here it comes.

This ends here and now!

Oh!

He's not going to go into the temple, is he? No.

Oh.

Well done, everybody.

We can collectively take credit for that

because we worked as a team.

We used our hearts and our minds

to defeat the enemy

with minimal loss or damage.

What a classic Thor adventure!

Hurrah!

Good book?

Yeah.

I wrote it.

Wait. You're Dr Jane Foster?

I am.

- Uh... Hi. - Hi.

How's the, uh, Einstein-Rosen Bridge?

It's tough.

- Yeah. - Really tough.

It's... You need a 3D model.

You ever see Event Horizon?

No.

- Interstellar? - No.

That movie explains everything really clearly.

Um, all right. The Einstein-Rosen Bridge

folds space, so that point A and point B

coexist in space and time.

Like that.

You just ruined your own book.

Yeah, but now you understand wormholes.

Watch those movies.

- Okay. - Okay.

Saw the Hot Cheetos, had to get it.

So, how's, uh... how's it going?