Trigger Happy

And tonight's winning numbers are,,,

five,

Nine,

Fifteen,

Twenty-one,

And the lucky number,

Thirty,

Congratulations to the winner,

Turn the water heater on, George,

Hm?

I'd like to shower,

I'm not sure turning on the water heater

should be on my list of responsibilities,

You're out here first, You've been out here since--

Just turn the water heater on, please,

I can't,

Why?

I'm busy making tea,

The kettle is making tea,

There she is,

Whoops,

Settle, Settle,

Turn the water heater on, George,

Going, going,

- Go to work, - Work?

Go to whatever you like to call it,

It's Sunday, the day of rest,

You know, it's never too late to try something new,

- Yes, it is, - I've suggested hobbies,

- Do I strike you as a beekeeper? - George,

Or maybe a stamp collector?

Or should I paint tiny toy trains

and make the conductor wave?

I am trying to cultivate a positive head space

until the audition,

Two days,

I only need two days of peace, George,

Goodbye,

Have a nice day, Annie,

Thanks, you too,

- What? - Mr, George Decker?

- No, - Yes,

- No, - Yes,

This is Jack and Associates Debt Collection,

Your outstanding balance of $65,100,5

is past due--

The United States government

and the American Firearm Federation

would like to remind you that,

due to recently passed U,S, code 060519,

only the purchase of an approved firearm

has universal coverage of health insurance,

I repeat, health insurance can only be obtained or sustained with the purchase of an approved firearm,

Please see that your local department

for more information,

Hottest thing in the market,

Mm-hmm, yes I know it sounds like a lot--

I'm going to the Bahamas,

If I were you, I'd get in now, The fundamentals are sound,

It may be my brokerage,

but at the risk of offending compliance,

which is a department of me,,,

I just wanted to let you know

I'm investing in this company myself,

A wise decision, I'll put that through today,

All right, Love you too, Mom,

Flexing that economics degree, are you, Kent?

Uh, triple majoring at Bloward University cost a pretty penny,

I've got to put it to use when I can,

So, when are you headed to the Isle of June?

What's that?

The most beautiful place from space,

- I don't follow, - The Bahamas,

Ah,

I would like to think soon,

Soon,

Okay, Yeah,

Look at you, Go, go, George,

Go, go, George,

- It has a ring to it, - Alliteration,

- A literal ring, in a sense-- - I know what alliteration is,

- It's the constant repetition-- - I'm aware,

Do you know onomatopoeia?

I do,

Swah!

- Yes, - You're a smart man, George,

Always have been a smart man, even if you didn't want to,

I didn't mean to,,,

Oh,

Bygones and all that,

Yeah,

So, are you leaving soon, soon?

Have you been saving?

Yes,

Here and there,

No,

Well, maybe today's your lucky day,

Win the lotto, settle up with me,

and then jet off to a new life with the missus, huh?

All right,

Um, you know, I've never calculated a total,

- It's been years, - Time flies,

- Maybe we should get an idea? - Oh, I'd love to,

I'm-- I'm in a bit of a rush,

- Of course, - Work,

Okay, well, take pride in being a man

who's important to society, all right?

Oh, and did Annie book that infomercial?

Um, audition's in a couple days,

I-- I told you, as soon as her acting career takes off,

I'll pay you back,

But then that'll be her money, though, George,

We're married,

Have a good one,

Have you seen him?

No, sorry,

You're 45 minutes late,

We don't open till 11,

Why must we be here so goddamn early?

As Mother used to say,

"Preparation is the buns for the meat,"

Preparation is the buns for the meat,

Mother said that,

Thank God for nonsense from your dead mom,

Are you implying that my experience isn't satisfactory?

I have been in the workforce longer than you've been alive,

Don't cry me any blue-collar tears, bitch,

Don't blame me for your horizontal life,

I'm moving you from the floor,

Excuse me?

I'm putting you in the custodial department,

- The fuck? - Don't you raise

- your voice with me, - What the flying shit?

I am a stellar waiter,

Mother made this restaurant

the institution that it is today,

and your commitment hasn't lived up

to our time-tested standards,

- My commitment? - I can't have you pi--

By your standards?

I can't have you pissing all over her grave

with your disrespectful behavior,

When have I ever exhibited disrespectful behavior?

Marie,

You're a worthless donkey roasting in the twilight

- of your life, - Hm, There's a raise for you,

- Thank you, - Tod, you're up,

Be cruel,

Y-- you-- you-- you're-- you're a miserable man,

and you smell like fat beer shit, Oh, I'm so proud of my boy,

- Thanks, - This is abuse,

This, this is corruption,

Is this your way of quitting?

Flowered boy can't figure out how to use a mop?

I'm not quitting,

But I'm taking the day off,

Unpaid, Naturally,

- I did well, - You did so good,

You did very good,

You getting ready for that audition?

Getting there,

Right two, Kick it up a notch,

I'm getting ready to mourn our 15th year anniversary,

- if you can believe it, - Oh, that's a big one,

Yeah, 15 years since Mickey moved me from everyone I love

to an entry-level job that he gets fired from,

only to end up baking all goddamn day,

- Got unlucky, - Don't say that, Annie,

Don't-- He fucks everything up,

If likes spending his time in the kitchen--

Shh,

I am doing something to celebrate, though,

Just me,

I'm going skydiving,

Skydiving? Alone?

Uh, there's an instructor at the flight school place, Ty,

Honestly, I'd rather spend my anniversary with him,

Ty?

Ty is a man,

Man of experience,

Reminder, turn off your cell phones

before class begins,

This is known, Abeline,

How can we turn our cell phones off before class begins?

It's already happened, The beginning is over,

That's probably Ty calling,

He's been trying to reach me all week, You know, it'd be sad if it wasn't so fucking cute,

- Must be nice, - Yeah,

And tonight's winning numbers are,,,

six,

Two,

Nineteen,

Twenty-three,

Fifty-five,

And the lucky number,,,

Congratulations to the winner,

Hi, everybody,

It's me, Triceraglocks,

Bang, bang,

The ticket to Target Island is your very own