King of the Hill

Connie, can you hear me?

Joseph, can you hear me?

-Joseph, can you hear Connie? -(slurps)

Connie, can you hear Joseph?

People, we have conference calling!

-(sighs) -Bobby Hill, put down that phone!

The school could be calling me in to sub any minute.

What if an algebra teacher died in a car accident, huh?

It would be a tragedy if they couldn't reach me.

Peggy Hill, Education Solutions.

Mm-hm. Mm. Mm-hm.

I am on my way.

Hmm?

I'm your substitute teacher, Mrs. Peggy Hill.

And you are in for a treat.

From my friend...

Benjamin Franklin!

It was a cloudy day,

-and I decided that I would... -(door opens)

Morning, Mrs. Bonter.

Morning, class.

Sorry to drag you out of the house, Peggy.

The cable guy came early.

Peggy?

I'm Benjamin Franklin.

You'll still get paid.

I do not do this for the money, Erica.

Although, I wouldn't mind getting reimbursed for the wig.

A penny saved is a penny earned!

Try and follow that.

-Come on, faster! -Bobby!

How would you like to fly a kite

and learn the "key" to electricity?

No time! Word is there's a truckload of dead chickens

floating down the river.

I hope we're not too late.

Oh! Uh...

My keys!

Damn!

If you're locked out, you can stay at my house

until Hank gets home.

We could rent a movie.

Uh, I'll just sit here until the wind blows my keys back.

-Mm. -(thunder rumbles)

All right, people, save the Imperials first!

-This is when heroes are made! -(engine revs)

Let's go.

Hank, bad news.

I just figured out who's been stealing the office supplies.

It's Donna.

Found them in her bedroom.

Good detective work, sir.

Yeah, well, I was getting tired of her, anyway.

So it looks like you got to find us a new Donna.

Make sure you find one that isn't always asking...

"What are you thinking about?"

It was my first call in three months.

Damn antibacterial soaps.

Nobody's getting sick anymore.

I shouldn't have to sneeze in the faculty lounge coffee machine

just to get a chance to teach.

It is beneath me.

Hey, Peggy.

How would you like to come to work with me at Strickland?

-Thank you, but no. -Oh, come on, it'd be fun.

You and me working side by side at Strickland Propane.

This could be fate talking.

We don't fire Buck's mistresses every day.

But I wouldn't be teaching. I would be doing.

And I wasn't substitute doer of the year

three years in a row.

Mm-hm. Mm. Mm-hm.

I see where I'm going with this.

It is time for me to find and accept

a full-time teaching position.

Just come to Strickland, Peggy.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Hank, this obviously means a lot to you,

so I will make you a promise I know I will not have to keep.

If I cannot find a full-time job,

I will come work with you at Strickland.

Great.

I'll put in the paperwork for a coffee mug with your name on it.

Worst case scenario, it'll be your Christmas present.

Principal Moss, I have great news!

I am ready to teach full-time.

That's right.

From 9:00 to 3:00, five days a week

35 weeks a year.

Would if I could, Peggy.

But we're in the middle of a statewide hiring freeze.

Well, surely, they have to make exceptions.

If you want, I'd be glad to forward this résumé to the governor.

Sorry.

Good luck, Peggy.

And this, class, is a stegosaurus, which is...

Which is Latin for "covered lizard."

And just because his name is "osaurus,"

that does not make him Irish.

And my résumé for you.

I'm very good.

Oh, I also teach Spanish,

as well as math, grades four and under.

Nope.

I can...

Ooh.

... we have learned so much from her here on Earth.

I know she'll continue teaching up in heaven.

Amen.

Amen.

Beautiful words, Principal.

Very, very moving.

Have you filled her position yet?

She retired ten years ago.

Oh. Well, your obituary was very misleading.

Okay, then.

I suppose we should start with lesson one.

Lesson one, this is the Vogner Charking.

This is the Charking Imperial.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You are hereby requisitioned three Strickland Propane pens.

These can never, ever, leave the office.

Sorry to be a spoilsport,

but Donna ruined it for everyone.

Oh. Hey, Peggy.

Welcome aboard.

You told her about the pens, right?

Yes, I am aware of the pen situation.

Just so you don't hear it from anyone else,

I'm sleeping with the new employee.

Hank, we got a code green.

They're running low on propane at the Whattaburger.

Actually, that's a code yellow, sir.

Yeah, whatever, it's your dumb system.

You figure it out.

Peggy, we are going out on your first propane run.

Get your jacket and hat...

Heck, get your camera.

Look at us, husband and wife, selling propane together.

It's like something out of the movies.

When you lift, always remember to use your legs.

I know.

-(grunts) -It might be a few minutes.

Tony the manager will probably want to talk about his new grease traps.

Peggy Hill?

Well, hello, Claire.

Strickland Propane?

Have you gotten out of the teaching game?

Oh, no, Claire.

Quite the opposite.

I have decided to teach full-time.

In fact, I, I'm doing location scouting for field trips. Uh-huh.

Ju... just a minute.

Hmm, no. This parking lot is no good.

So, what are you doing here?

My cousin got me an interview for a teaching job

over at Saint Ignatius.

Oh, really.

Full-time?

Maybe.

I see you are wearing your huaraches.

Is the teaching position for español?

Es posible.

Wish me luck.

It's Spanish.

Uh, Hank.

I thought maybe I could show some initiative and...

and canvass the area with Strickland flyers.

Oh, you remind me of a young me.

Just a little tip,

I like to put them in face down.

That way, when they get in the driver's seat...

Bam! There it is.

Peggy, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to see how your interview went.

Well, it may have been the best interview of my life...

right up until they said they'd really rather hire a nun.

Pfft, just being celibate isn't enough.

Who's next?

I am.

Sister Peggy Hill.

So, may I see your résumé?

Oh, well, my résumé is...

is...

written on the smiling faces of the children of El Salvador

where I did my most recent... nunning.

You know what?

I have free international calling on my cellular telephone.

Why don't I just give them a jingle-jangle and get a reference?

Oh, yes, that would be great.

Except my order just took a permanent vow of silence.

And if you ask me, not a moment too soon, huh?

Yakety-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak.