Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV

Fifteen years ago in Tromaville,

New Jersey, the Toxic Chemical Capital of the world

little mop boy Melvin Fyrd, a 98-pound weakling

was teased taunted, and other bad stuff,

until he fell into a barrel of toxic chemical waste.

Transforming him into a hideously deformed creature

of superhuman size and strength;

Melvin became The Toxic Avenger, the first superhero from New Jersey!

Then two really shitty sequels were made... sorry about that.

This is the real sequel.

Okay kids, today we're going to celebrate our special friends below the border.

We are going to celebrate take a Mexican to Lunch Day.

Can we say that? Mexican.

Very, very good.

Now that's where the hard working Mexicans take naps during the day.

Just like us?

Just like us. Exactly like us.

Tito, v_hat do you think you're doing young

Listen bitch, just because I’m a tard

doesn't mean that you have to treat me like one.

But because I’m ''special,'' I don't think I’m ever gonna get laid,

so why can't I masturbate?

Tito! Okay kids, now do you know what you're eating?

That's right tacos. Can you say taco?

Taco.

All right you fucking retards drop your

Fuck this man, I’m outta here.

What on earth do you think you're doing, young man?

I’m trying to teach a class here.

What kind of man are you?

This kind.

We interrupt our coverage of the Smith-Vale Home for the Elderly massacre

to bring you this very special report.

Well folks it looks like we've got another

You take this one. I did the last three.

The terrorist group in question, the Diaper Mafia,

have taken the Tromaville School for the

We're going to go live now to the Tromaville School for the Very Special

where our correspondent Cindy Tata is

Tromaville police chief Newman about this very subject.

Stick with us after the break where our very own Josh Levitsky

will share some of those mouth-watering recipes for butternut squash.

Oooh, aaah, I like that That's good

Like a living Martha Stewart But isn't she still alive?

Nigga, please.

Chief Newman, what caused the Diaper Mafia

horrible acts of violence?

Well, uh, ah, no comment.

I can't believe this is happening in

You ask me, these diaper mafia punks ale

What is the use of sending these retards to school in the first place?

All right, Tex, time to kill another one.

Yes, daddy.

Chief Newman, the Diaper Mafia has said they will execute

a special student every half hour until their demands have been met.

Really?

Yet it's been at least 35 minutes since

never mind

Well, that's a damn shame it had to happen on

Take Mexicans to Lunch Day and all.

You hear that, pigs, you hear that? You

You hear that hear that hear that?

A tard dies every five minutes unless the

You got that?!

Got that got that?

I’m working on it, really I’m working on it.

Please don't shoot any more of those tards.

I mean those special kids.

Fuck the fucking tards! I’m sick and tired of their drooling and whining!

Now why is it when I shit my pants, it's a fucking social faux pas?

But when a tard shits his pants,

a good-looking nurse wipes his ass for him, huh?

She's got her head up her ass.

Tex, Tex, Tex check it out! Pregger pi-ata! HA HA HA!!

Hey hey, you've got your head up your ass!

Fuck you!

Fuckin people!

That's what separates us from the pussies like the Trenchcoat Mafia,

the Flat Top Mafia, and the No-Pants Mafia.

Didn't you hear what Kazinski said? Fucking tard.

Gun! Nooooo!

Mayor Goldberg, how do you feel about the

Try not to harp about the five that are dead.

Think about the hundreds of students that are still living, still breathing,

and let's pray for an end to all this murder and mayhem and garbage.

Let's pray. Let's pray.

Get off the phone!

Let's pray, goddammit!

You too.

Oh lord, in your divine wisdom, please find it in your heart

to put an end to this murder and filth and trash and garbage.

Oh, and please help us to get re-elected one more time ok?

Thank you very much God, and amen.

Amen.

Dye-a-nu

Thank God you're here. What took you so

I had to change. It takes a while.

Yeah, ok. All right, kid, hold on, all

I got the Really Real Bikini TV crew here.

The Diaper Mafia's demands have not yet been issued, and yet,

speculation has already begun as to the motivation behind the senseless attack

on the mentally feeble student body.

What do you think, Nick?

I’m gonna have to go with heavy metal music on this one, Jason.

Aah, interesting.

But what about that best-selling video game Kill All the Retards?

Could be a factor, Jason

But we cannot forget about the rap music.

Very popular with the kids. I personally, am not a fan of rap music.

I think you could put a c in front of rap and call it you-know-what.

I don't think you should go that far.

Not a fan.

I think you're going too far.

Not a fan.

All right, I think you've established that.

You know I think the worst part is that we'll never know

Well that won't stop me from casting my

_ll, it certainly couldn't be violence in the Ne;r_J

Oh God no.

I mean we may broadcast death and tragedy,

in his heart, and I think you'll back me up on this

I will back you up.

We would never glorify it.

You like that, don't you retard?

Hello, Tex, Samantha Chambers, Really Real Bikini TV.

This is my morbidly obese sidekick.

I mean, cameraman, Joe.

Well Samantha, looks like I won't have to frisk you for weapons.

Hey, listen lady, I didn't call you in here to fuck you.

I called you in here because the Really Real Bikini TV show is

the number one show in America.

Now tell fatty there to turn on the camera.

I’m gonna show ya something. Okay.

You see this bitch right here?

Wasting perfectly good tax dollars trying to ''teach'' the un-teachable.

And if there's one thing the Diaper Mafia hates more than RETARDS,

it's genetic traitors.

Now, I’m gonna show you what we do to bitches like that.

Oh my god, it's the Toxic Avenger,Tromaville's famous creature of superhuman size and strength!

lf that's the Toxic Avenger, where's his

ward and sidekick Fatass?

It's Lardass, punk!

Let's fight.

Toxie's got his head up his ass.

I've got my head up my ass.

Children, duck! Duck! No no no no!

Toxie!

No. You can't kill me Toxie.

You see this exploding timing device on my chest?

You see that bomb over there in the corner?

Kiss your school goodbye.

Oh my God!

Five seconds after my heart stops this school is nothin'

but dead tards and charred lard.

Hey!

That's right! Kazinski said you'd be here. Oh that's right!

Sergeant Tito Kazinski, Tromaville ATF. Where do you think I got all these guns

in the first place anyway, huh?

He understands this world is full of unthinking cattle that need to be

led into the new millennium with a new order.

And the first step in the process is to

genetically mutated freaks and shit! Ha-ha-heh-heh.

That' wasn't a nice thing to say.

Excuse me, miss Wiener

Toxie, you were always my best student

Thanks!

No Toxie! Don't let your Tromatons control

Tromatons?

Think Toxie, if his heart stops the bomb'll go off!

Aaaaagh! put it back in! Aaaaaaagh!

Ugh, there you go, good as new! Oh darn it.

Oh darn it.

Come on Toxie let's get these kids out of

This building's about to explode!

This bomb is now armed. Detonation in T

This would be easier if I had a mop.

minus 5 seconds.

These drugs are gonna blow my ass off

Whoa. What the?

Didn't your special helper tell you that drugs are bad for you?

Fuck off super zero!

I’m just trying to act like all the other cool cats my age.

Ahh! What's the deal Tox?

Well the deal is, I just can't standby and

I’m not killin' myself drugs kill my pain.

Being a teenager sucks.

Um, well

Being a retarded teenager sucks worse. Drugs make it suck less.

You're pretty articulate for a druggie special student.

What's articulatit?

Ahhh! Ummm! Come on!

No Toxie! Church and state must remain separated!

Holy cow! Lardass, I have to go impregnate

Action sausage nunchuks Deli style!

T minus 3 seconds.

Oh Toxie hurry! Do you feel what time it is?

Oh yeah, yeah, YEAH! Ugh. Ooooh. Ungh.

Oh Toxie, in my blind eyes you are the most beautiful man in the world.

I can't believe it's not butter!

You know Sarah, I have a good feeling about the sex we had just now