Grandfathered

Oh, God.

We are good at what we do, aren't we?

That we are.

If I had the energy, I would

totally high five you right now.

Ooh, yikes! I missed 25 calls

and 46 e-mails!

I missed two Instagram likes

and an e-mail from Michelle Obama.

"Dear Americans..." Oh, this is serious.

We have to get out of this bed and get back to our lives.

Yes, that we do.

Is that your hand on my breast?

Is that your breast on my hand?

Improved By: Fidel33 Sub Upload Date: March 11, 2016

I can't believe you haven't made one comment

about what's in my basket.

You notice anything unusual?

Lady deodorant.

Pink razors.

Is this a hint? Because in some countries,

- I'm too groomed. - No.

I'm in a mature relationship,

so I'm maturely buying chick crap

for Catherine to leave at my apartment.

As opposed to the chick crap that you use at your apartment?

All right, make your little jokes, Amy Schumer.

Now, see, over the years, women have wanted to leave

stuff like this at my apartment, I've resisted.

Oh.

Catherine is different.

And this gesture is my way of showing her.

No, you know what?

I am very happy for you. This is big.

It almost justifies you dragging me out here

- to brag about your progress. - Yeah.

Someday when you're in a relationship,

you'll get to experience all this, too.

I am in a relationship.

Remember Craig, the musician?

Craig, Cra...

I get all those Hollywood white guys mixed up.

- Oh, my... - That's the beauty of Catherine.

She's diverse.

She looks like our country.

Remind why I agreed to help you.

Oh, right, for the free stuff.

Ooh!

Cough syrup with codeine.

Or as I like to call it... codeine with cough syrup.

Are you allowed to-to drink this in the store?

Mm-hmm.

I'll-I'll pay.

And here we are.

Yep.

It took a woman like Catherine Sanders

to finally get Jimmy Martino to buy his lady tampons.

Do they sell guns here?

Which ones do you think she'd like?

Now, keep in mind she's a CEO,

- so money is no object. - No, no.

It's an important decision. Could you draw me a picture

of what her vagina looks like? Which way does it lean?

Well, left...

My God, you're actually trying to answer that.

Oh, sorry.

These are for my girlfriend.

Embarrassing, right?

You hear that? I just said "girlfriend."

I suppose "boyfriend" is gonna be next.

Ah, see it was.

Thank you.

Edie, isn't this great?

Now that Mommy and Daddy are a couple,

she can walk around naked.

I'm wearing a towel.

Yeah, but when you sat down...

- Never mind. - (SNEEZES LOUDLY)

Holy crap! What the hell was that?

- I just sneezed. - No, this is you sneezing.

Achoo.

- Achoo! - Exactly.

Oh, that's public sneeze persona.

I guess I'm just getting comfortable around you.

You know what?

I love this, you know?

Even though we've known each other for years,

there's still so much we get

to discover about each other now.

If you're saying you want us to keep

the door open when we use the bathroom,

I'm way ahead of you.

Actually been waiting for the right time

to ask you to stop that.

But you know what?

There is one very important part

of my life that you haven't experienced yet.

You having disposable income? Hey-o!

Just kidding. We're equally poor.

No, I'm talking about Friday movie night.

I've been doing it with my mom ever since I was a kid,

but I never brought a girl to it.

You're saying I can come to movie night? Really?

Hell yeah. It's the best.

It's a whole big tradition.

And let's just say it ain't your mama's movie night.

Although it is my mama's movie night.

Cool. Should I bring popcorn?

Nah, just bring your love of cinema

and adventure.

Popcorn, she says.

Wait, you've never borrowed money from an employee?

Oh, it's the best.

They can't say no.

And they never have the balls to ask for it back.

That sounds absolutely awful.

And I'm dying to try it.

Watch this. Annelise, can I borrow...?

Not now, Jimmy, I'm busy.

It's okay. I know where her purse is.

I'm moving it.

Close your eyes. I have something for you.

Ooh, I hope you didn't spend too much.

And you didn't.

Feminine products.

Wow, well, you really know how to spoil a girl.

And I got you a whole toiletry kit

that you can keep at my apartment...

complete with a Sonicare toothbrush,

charging as we speak.

That is really sweet.

It's a little weird,

but I love it.

- Mwah. - (PHONE RINGS)

My sister is a world-class nightmare.

She was dropped on her head

once and it's her excuse for everything.

I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day.

I know exactly what you need.

Stay right here, okay?

Ravi, Catherine's having a bad day.

Our Catherine? What's wrong? Is she okay?

I don't know, but you're gonna make it all better

by making a killer plate

of cavatelli alla norcina with black truffles, stat.

Oh, and everyone, I know I said

the most important meal you ever made was for Mark Wahlberg.

Well, forget it.

It's for my girlfriend.

Okay, so listen, I'm-I'm at dinner.

I got to go.

No, just some guy I'm seeing.

"Just some guy I'm seeing"?

All right, people. Prepare to be titillated.

I want your opinion on my love life.

Oh, can it wait?

Edie thinks she's cooking spaghetti.

It is literally the cutest thing I've ever seen.

No, it can't wait.

Oh, that is the cutest little thing.

- Bam! - Bam!

Thank you.

All right, Gerald, get her out of here.

We have important things to talk about.

Okay, people, give us a minute.

- Inner circle stuff. - They can stay.

Okay, maybe we can just get rid of one of them.

Doesn't matter who.

All right, so this is

about my girlfriend Catherine.

Wow, "girlfriend."

Did you hear that, Edie?

Not only did he say "girlfriend,"

but he said it casually.

Don't alert the tabloids yet, Edie.

Okay.

Last night, she referred to me as

"just some guy she's seeing."

Why doesn't she see me as her boyfriend?

I mean, I give her gifts.

We have a one-to-one orgasm ratio.

Dad, stop. Did you ever consider

that perhaps you don't see yourself as a boyfriend?

Gerald, I don't have time

for your Chinese philosophy.

Maybe she's dating someone better?

Like who, Victor... God?

Or maybe she's aware of your reputation.

Pillar of the community?

Lovable man slut of the community.

Remember what comes up when you make me Google you?

Dozens of Getty Image photos of you

- and young gorgeous women. - There's me and the triplets.

Maybe that's making her afraid to get serious with you.

You know what? You're right.

Yeah, maybe Catherine thinks of me as a playboy.

That I'm too good for her.

I didn't say that last thing.

I know the one thing that'll fix this.

You go online and replace every woman