King of the Hill

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

You know what it could be? That damn starter motor.

You getting good compression?

Yeah.

I know what's wrong with it.

It's a Ford.

You know what they say Ford stands for, don't you?

It stands for "Fix It Again, Tony."

You're thinking of a Fiat, Dale.

"Fix It Again"...

I'll tell you what you do.

You take them spark plugs out, and in that little hole...

you put oil round there, just like Bobby Unser said:

"The shock'd go bo-boom," just like that.

Well, I wish it were that simple, Boomhauer.

But I'll tell you what my truck really needs.

Leadership.

Detroit hasn't felt any real pride...

since George Bush went to Japan...

and vomited on their auto executives.

Who's ready?

You all catch the Seinfeld show last night?

- Yep. - Hell, I missed it.

See that part where dang old George comes in there?

He talks about tasting his own burp.

And Kramer comes sliding in just like he always does.

I tell you what, man, them dang old New York boys.

Just a show about nothing.

What you listening to, son?

I don't think you'd like it.

Well, why not?

I like this new generation of music.

Hello?

Mother of God! It's all toilet sounds!

Where did you record this?

I bought it at the mall.

It's the Funny Phone Jerks.

Let me tell you, Bobby, there's nothing funny about these sounds.

What that person on your tape has is a medical disorder.

Now you get ready for the game, okay?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

That boy ain't right.

Oh, God!

Luanne, I thought you went home!

No, Uncle Hank, Mama and Daddy are still fighting.

Well, you're welcome to stay.

But for God's sakes, girl, lock the door.

I've got a minor son living in this house.

So are you ready to kick some Wildcat butt, Bobby?

Okay.

Now don't you worry, son. You just do your best.

Don't listen to her, Bobby.

If you want to win, you're gonna have to do better than your best.

How do I do that?

You gotta give 110 percent.

That's what'll give you that winning edge.

But what if the Wildcats give 110 percent, too?

Well, then you gotta try even harder.

How about if Bobby gave 112 percent?

Sure, that'd work.

Or maybe 113.

Yeah, yeah, that's even better.

No, I don't know.

13 is a very unlucky number.

Look, we're not talking about 13.

We're talking about 113.

And even...

Okay, give 112, what's the difference?

Look, Bobby, just do your best, okay?

Swing, Bobby! Swing! Swing!

Ball one.

Good eye, honey, good eye.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Bobby, you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.

And you can't get on base without taking a swing.

The pitcher could walk me, couldn't he?

Don't play lawyer-ball, son.

Now you hit the next one out of the park.

Run!

Run! Run!

Look at the batter, boy! Watch the ball!

Huh?

What?

Hey, don't look at me! Keep your eye on the ball.

Keep my eye on the what?

Stop looking at me, boy! Watch the ball!

Can't hear you, Dad!

Don't worry, Bobby. You played a good game.

I gotta stop in here for a minute, and get me some WD-40 and a tap and die.

Manager to Register 47, please.

I hate this place.

Excuse me, where is the hardware department?

Where is the hardware department?

What exactly is it you're looking for?

The hardware department.

But are you looking for, like, a tool or something?

What difference does it make?

What difference does it make?

Okay, I'm looking for a tap and die and some WD-40.

Huh.

Well, what is it you're trying to do?

I'm trying to buy a tap and die and some WD-40...

and get out of this godforsaken store!

And what is a tap and die?

Okay! Forget it!

Let's say I want a hammer! Do you know what a hammer is?

That's what I want! A damned hammer!

Now where in the hell would I go?

That's that Hank Hill fella that lives on the block next to us.

Has a temper, doesn't he? WOMAN 2: Sure does.

Makes you wonder who gave his boy that black eye.

You're going to have to pay for that, dude.

You're fired!

- Ella says she saw Hank hit his son. - Really?

Well, I heard he threatened a clerk in Mega Lo Mart with a hammer.

Did you hear about Hank Hill?

He beat up his son.

Some ladies in Mega Lo Mart tried to stop him. He beat them up, too.

Somebody really ought to report him for the boy's sake.

You say he hit his son with a bat?

No. That is definitely not acceptable.

I wish I could, ma'am.

But the regulations say we can't take custody of the boy without an interview.

Don't you worry. He's in the system now. I am on my way.

Hey, I know what's wrong with your truck.

It's your "pollution control."

I heard on talk radio you don't even need them.

They're just an egghead government plot.

How is cutting down on pollution a government plot, Dale?

Open up your eyes, man.

They're trying to control global warming.

Get it? Global.

So what?

That's code for UN commissars telling Americans...

what temperature it's gonna be in our outdoors.

I say let the world warm up.

See what Boutros-Boutros-Ghali-Ghali thinks about that.

We'll grow oranges in Alaska.

Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas.

It's already 110 in the summer.

And if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass.

What in God's name is that thumping sound?

Bobby, why don't you go out and help your daddy?

You have been watching way too much TV, son.

Come on, Bobby, up.

No more TV. Turn it off now.

God love that poor man.

There. That's better.

Hello, I'm a social worker with the state.

Would you mind if I talk to you for a minute?

Sure. Come on in.

Damn it. There it is again.

Where is that thumping coming from? It's driving me crazy.

Could be far-off helicopters.

UN helicopters.

Dale, what are you doing?

Give me some light! Now! I can't see!

My arm!

My head!

God!

Mrs. Hill, would you say your husband has a bad temper?

Who, Hank?

No, Hank is as gentle as a lamb.

Dang, no more bouncing that ball!

Hank, we have a visitor.

So your assertion, Mr. Hill...

is that Bobby got the black eye at his baseball game?

That is not my assertion. That's what happened.

- Have you ever hit your son, Mr. Hill? - No!

What the heck are you writing?

All you gotta write is one word, "no"!

Mr. Hill, I feel that you're coming from an anger mindset.

And if you're projecting this anger onto me...

it gives me grave concerns as to how you facilitate...

your son's growth in private.

Mister, I have not begun to project my anger onto you.

Mrs. Hill, how did you get this here on your forehead?

This? Bobby threw his baseball at me.

You threw a baseball at your mother?

Hank, it was an accident.

So would this be the same "baseball" that gave Bobby the black eye?

Dale, you sure you want to be messing with Hank's truck when he's not around?

I'm gonna help get him this alternator off.