Kaguya-sama: Love Is War (かぐや様は告らせたい～天才たちの恋愛頭脳戦～)

You will tell me those three small words.

"I love you."

Ai Hayasaka.

Kaguya Shinomiya's personal assistant.

She executes every task thrown at her

with the finesse of a pro.

Sorry about this, President.

But it's for the sake of Lady Kaguya.

So how is that cup of coffee treating you, President?

As good as usual.

Is that right? Sensational news.

Decaffeinated coffee!

Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived

and running on empty.

If he doesn't have caffeine every three hours,

his battery dies. He's a caffeine fiend!

Regular coffee isn't just a morning beverage

he likes to indulge in.

It's his lifeblood!

Sweet dreams, President.

Now then, for the next step of my strategy.

Although Kaguya's scheming is nothing new,

this particular day is a little different.

I'm here! Tell me what's wrong!

Hayasaka.

An accident has taken place.

He fell asleep on me!

There has been a slight change of plans!

Listen up! Until I figure out what to do next,

you have to guard this room with your life

and make sure everyone stays away!

Your wish is my command.

The very first topic of the second season is...

...the trials and hardships of Ai Hayasaka.

I remembered I forgot something.

Lady Kaguya is in one of the worst moods

I've ever seen in my entire life.

She has this bone-chilling, murderous gleam in her eyes.

The art of controlling people!

To accomplish this, you need to anticipate their actions,

read their train of thought,

and choose the appropriate, or inappropriate,

means of intervention based on your findings.

Here.

Fetch.

-- --

I wonder...

Has Lady Kaguya accomplished her objective yet?

I doubt she kissed him, but maybe his head is on her lap.

It's exactly the same as when I left!

The results for today's battle:

Kaguya wins.

I still consider this a success!

Romantic advice?

Yeah, man. You're like an expert!

A true-blue, modern day Casanova

with all sorts of tips and tricks to woo the ladies!

I mean, if you say so, but I'm curious.

What the hell happened to you?

Are you a playboy or what?!

Post-summer vacation!

They say you'll notice changes in a boy

if you haven't seen him in three days.

Therefore, differences are even more obvious

if you haven't seen him in over a month.

Slowly but surely, various internal deviations

begin to manifest, uhh, externally.

How?! What caused this?!

It's kinda funny how you pointed that out,

because it's a big part of the reason

I wanted to talk to you, Prez.

Okay then, let's talk.

Oh. If you want privacy, I could make myself scarce.

You don't have to do that, bro.

In fact, I want you to listen in.

Right.

So what's the problem now?

Well, it's about Nagisa.

That's my girlfriend, in case you forgot.

He just had to toss that out there.

I thought you two were hitting it off.

Mm... Uhh, who's really the judge of that?

I guess it's so-so.

President, his mouth is saying things are "so-so,"

but his face is practically screaming it's going great!

True.

Honestly, y'know what I think?

He's not having problems with his girlfriend. He's gloating!

I highly doubt that's the case.

I'm sure he'll address the issue any moment now.

I guess you could say...

Summer vacation might have been

a little too amazing if you catch my drift.

The two of us are totally head-over-heels

for each other, but, like, now whadda we do?

I knew it! He is just here to gloat!

Chill out, man!

What are you gonna do with that toilet paper anyway?

Okay.

So what you're asking me is how

to get to the next step in your relationship, right?

I mean more or less.

Yeah. I wonder how high up this stairway goes.

President.

I don't think he has any steps left to climb.

Then you've read this boy all wrong.

There's no way they would've gone that far.

They've only been together for four months!

But I sense the divine!

It's like he's had a piece of heaven!

The ABCs of Love!

It typically takes high school students three to six months

of dating and partaking in letters A, B and C

before they make it to the coveted D.

The couple in question has been going out

for more than three months.

On top of that, they spent summer vacation together!

It's entirely possible the two of them

have shared a little piece of heaven.

This summer vacation had to have been the best one yet!

Something tells me you enjoyed it just as much as I did!

Actually, I didn't do anything

besides study and work every day.

The only exception was when the student council

met up to watch a firework show.

Really?

That was it?

That was it.

You didn't go on a single date?

None.

Oh, wow.

Kinda sorry I asked.

Chill out, man!

What are you planning on doing with that toilet paper anyway?

Just drop the TP! He's not worth it!

Oh. Hi, Tsubasa.

Hey! 'Sup, babe?

You have business with the student council, too?

Yeah. Just a little.

There's a pressing matter I want Kaguya's help with, so...

Did she say "pressing"?

You moron!

Definitely not the kind you're thinking of!

It's not a big deal--

just seeing if she had some time to talk.

'Kay, but what do you wanna talk about?

This calls for an investigation.

Seriously?

Fine. But how?

Then it wouldn't be a secret!

Aw, come on.

We're stepping out for a bit, but please have a seat.

We'll be back soon.

Uh... sure.

Just wait.

Because it's only a matter of time.

A couple that's been to seventh heaven will start acting

all lovey-dovey the second they're alone.

Watch them and you'll see what I mean.

Uh, right.

Excuse me.

We'd like to go inside, if you don't mind.

Hi!

What exactly are you doing?

We're investigating the couple in the room

to see if they've tasted nirvana.

You can tell if they've gone that far?!

I'm surprised she gets it.

One in three people!

What does "tasted nirvana" mean?

I think in this instance it means

they got a little freaky and did the divine deed.

They're holding hands!

Are you convinced now?

No.

Hand holding is something

you can pull as early as the first date!

The president holds hands on a first date?

Huh?

Oh my gosh! She kissed him!

They've definitely shaboinked!

We don't know that!

I bet kissing happens by the third date!

By the third date?

He's caressing her face and nibbling her neck!

You're kidding yourself if you still think

they haven't experienced the beast with two backs!

No! You can do that kind of stuff

on the fourth date!

He's trying to kill me!

On what number date do you go all the way?!

Date five!

-- Shinomiya! -- Are you okay?

What happened?!

Hi. Gotcha!

Fancy seeing you here!

We were just about to head in.

I'm sure.

But I'd like to apologize before you do.

Despite what you think, we haven't gotten that far,