Mistress America

She would say things like,

"Isn't every story a story of betrayal?"

"No, that's not true," I thought.

But I could never say that. I could only agree with her.

It was too much fun to agree with her.

I was sleeping. Turn that off!

Sorry.

I'm your roommate.

My name is Laura and I'm going on safari...

...and I'm bringing with me a car for Carrie...

...a rolling pin, Ruth...

...a jar for Juman...

and a...

Uh... Shit!

A tracking device for Tracy.

Right, a tracking device for Tracy...

...and a lighter for me, Laura.

Aren't you coming to convocation?

You're going to that shit?

Yeah, isn't everyone?

I don't think anyone is going.

Except rapists.

What? Why rapists?

Or Christians and home-schooled kids.

Nobody really goes.

I think it's just a candle-lighting ceremony.

How do you already know all this stuff?

School hasn't even started yet.

This is a starting point.

This is what college is for.

We're here to teach you to write and think.

A "B"? That's so annoying.

I have trouble with procrastinating.

Did you ever think of...

just getting your work in on time?

Yes, I have thought of that. I have trouble doing it.

Maybe you want to try a little harder.

Okay. Thanks.

Harder. I'll try that.

What comes to mind

when you think of the Renaissance?

I think of the Renaissance

as being very plush, like a lot of velvet...

...inlaid with jewels, brocades, that kind of thing.

Thank you.

I was actually asking about literature,

but that was very nice.

Hey, um, is the party at the end of the hall?

Did you get an invitation?

No.

Then, no.

She's being a bitch. Yes, it's right down the hall.

I could be anywhere.

It doesn't even feel like New York.

And by trying to participate,

I'm somehow not fitting in even less.

Aren't you meeting friends in classes?

Mom, nobody meets friends in classes.

Oh, okay. I didn't know.

You know the feeling of being at a party

where you don't know anybody?

It's like that the whole time.

That sounds uncomfortable.

Did you get my email?

With the reading? Do you like it?

I liked it.

I think there's a darker element

to what Shakespeare's saying, but I liked it.

It's Thanksgiving weekend,

so we'll have a built-in rehearsal dinner...

...on Thursday at the house.

Right.

It'll be the first time the two families

are all in the same room.

Oh, Stevie.

Oh, Trace.

You know I was very unhappy for a very long time.

But I'm glad your dad and I stayed together...

...till you and your brother were out of school.

I was not out of school. You broke up

when I was a junior in high school.

On your way out of the home.

I love you, Mom. Don't be worried.

I know, honey.

So after you do that,

Brooke will read a poem that she's written.

You should call Brooke. She's in New York, you know.

I'm so bad at calling people I don't know.

I hear she's fun.

She's, like, 30,

and living in New York with a life.

She doesn't need to hear from an 18-year-old

she's tenuously connected to.

She's going to be your sister,

that doesn't sound tenuous to me.

And you have plenty to talk about,

you're both doing readings at our wedding.

Aces!

You aren't sarcastic, don't pretend to be.

Okay.

Nothing's higher than the law. That's the whole point.

Antigone thinks she's above the law,

but she's not.

Like, a celebrity in a car crash or something.

That's really interesting, Nicolette. It's great.

Why don't you continue with the reading?

"Because it was not Zeus who ordered it...

"...nor Justice, dweller with the Nether gods,

"gave such a law to men."

Hey.

"Nor did I deem your ordinance

Psst. "of so much binding force...

"...as that a mortal man could overbear

"the unchangeable unwritten code of heaven.

"This is not of today and yesterday."

That was really nice of you, waking me up.

Takes a lot of moxie

to fall asleep in a 12-person class.

Thanks. I like moxie.

I get it.

It's like, I'm so grateful to be here,

but why are my parents taking out loans...

...for me to listen

to that 18-year-old asshole talk?

Loans everywhere.

I was gonna get frozen yogurt, wanna come?

Yes, but...

Well, I have to get somewhere by 5:00.

Where?

Uh... It's embarrassing.

What is it?

I'm submitting a story

to the Mobius Literary Society.

Get out of town, sister! I already gave mine.

Do you know how you find out if you're in it?

They said they post a list.

No, the only people who check the list

are the people who didn't get in.

They come and wake us up at night in our rooms...

...and put pie in our face

and then bring us down to the quad...

...and make us sing and stuff.

Yeah.

Oh, my God!

Am I in? Oh, my God, really?

Fuck!

They're self-elected douchebags.

I know. But I wanted to be one of them.

I could die then.

Yeah, me too. Both, I want to be in,

and I could also then die.

I heard they serve wine and cheese

and they all carry briefcases.

I know.

When I had my tour here...

...the guide was one of them and that's why

I wanted to come here.

I heard the pie stuff all night.

They got the guy next door.

He doesn't even look like a writer.

I'm so sorry.

Do you wanna trade stories?

Sure.

I'll refresh our screwdrivers.

I liked it.

Thanks. I liked yours, too.

So, you want notes?

- Oh, are we... - Sure.

Okay.

I thought the middle part sounded really fake.

Okay.

It's just my impression.

I'll work on that.

Do you have any notes for me?

Um...

No.

Great.

I have a car.

Let's go to the beach.

I don't want to leave Manhattan.

Why are we in your car then?

We look like we're in a song.

I think the way Aristotle

writes about ethics and morality...

...is much closer

to how most people think about it.

Less like math, more like a story.

I think we should set up a recycling system

for our trash...

...because a lot of what we are throwing out

can be recycled.

Ruth, I think that fan can go in the closet now.

It's 50 degrees out.

You seem happy today.

I love filing. It's satisfying.

Slow down, T!

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

No more lonely nights

You my guiding light