It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Oh, man, this is so exciting.

Is this the green room?

- Yeah. - A game show.

Can you guys believe we're gonna be on a game show?

All right, all right, relax.

Awesome! Guys, the green room of

Family Fight... I've got goose bumps.

Yeah, all right, calm down. Don't start acting like an

animal, here. All right, listen, this is

Family Fight. This is a nationally televised

program. This is a very big deal

for us, okay? We're talking...

What are you doing? Are you stealing an ashtray

- right now? - Yeah.

Why? We have ashtrays, and you don't

- even smoke. - This is a perfect place for

me to lay out my political agenda.

- No, no, no. No politics, man. - What?

Because it's too polarizing, okay?

And don't be misogynistic and please don't be gross, I mean...

Guys, let's-let's be smart about this.

- Let's be right down the middle. - Right down the middle

sounds so boring. That's not what the audience

wants to see. Thinking I'm gonna do a Jenny

McCarthy thing, where I'm, like, super sexy, but I got a

- potty mouth. - Ah-ah, no, no, Dee, you are

never going to be sexy. And do not do a potty mouth

thing, okay? We don't want to come across as

low-brow animals. Now, have some veggie platter

and have some fruit, okay? That is brain food.

Mm-mm, no way, not me. Haven't eaten in three days.

I don't want to be puffy. J-Mac's face...

- it's never puffy. - Yeah, because J-Mac's face

is stapled to the back of her head.

Now, eat some food. You look emaciated and sick.

What is that?

- Fart noise key chain. - Dennis, what is this enticing

- bowl of white? - This?

- Yeah. - Charlie, that... that's

cottage cheese. >> Cottage cheese?

Like... cheese from some cottage? Whose cottage?

Well, like, what is that, exactly?

How do you not know what it is?

- Aren't you, like, a cheese guy? - I'm not a cottage guy.

You are gonna make us lose this game.

Here comes the other family.

Hello. You must be the Reynolds family.

I'm Janet, and we're the the Barretts.

Oh. Okay...

Hey, guys! I'm Lisa. I'm stage manager.

Both teams ready?

Let's play Family Fight!

It's time to play

Family Fight!

Let's give it up for your host,

Grant Anderson!

How you doing, man?

Hey, oh!

Hello!

All right! Thank you for coming out,

everybody, and welcome to Family Fight.

I'm your host, Grant Anderson. Today, we have the Barrett

family...

...versus the Reynolds family!

And they are here for a whole lot of cash, so let's get it on!

Give me Janet, give me Frank.

- Here we go! - Oh... whoa.

Whoa, I didn't get a good look at you before backstage.

Sha-booyah-roko.

Okay, all right, we got

some-some sparks flying already here.

Now, let's get up here and do this.

- Come on, Frank, you ready? - I'm ready.

All right, man. Top four answers on the board,

here: Name an animal that we eat but doesn't eat us.

- Frank! - Pig!

Show me pig!

- OK Frank, do a little dance. - Now Frank, you want to pass

or play? Pass or play?

Oh, we... we'll play. Play, play, play.

We're gonna play.

You want to talk a little bit about the family?

Yeah. Well, yeah, you know, uh, Grant?

- Yes, Grant. - I want to... I want to change

- my answer. - What?

- Wh... what? Why? - I have realized it's-it's not

totally accurate, because I've seen a pig eat a man.

In fact, I've seen many pigs eat many men.

- It was a bloodbath. - Well, okay, well, we can't do

that. I'm gonna move on, though,

- 'cause you're losing me here. - Yeah?

Oh, Grant... a lighthearted barb, if you will.

- So, uh, so... - His talk of pigs and man

flesh is confusing as it is frustrating.

- Right. - Don't you just want to...

I hear you, I hear you, Dennis.

You know, you have these people in your life and you just

- want to... - Yeah.

Now, Dennis, uh, why don't you tell me something?

- What do you do? - Me?

Oh, well, I am the proprietor of, uh, one of the most charming

pubs in all of South Philadelphia.

- All right. - Paddy's Pub.

- Paddy's Pub! - Paddy's... Paddy's Pub.

Yeah.

Yeah, but listen, I am so much more, Grant.

Um, I'm kind of a jack of all trades, if you will.

- Okay. - So the question really isn't

"What do I do?" It's "What don't I do?"

Wow. Now, there's a lot of confidence

right there. I like that.

I like that, Dennis. All right.

- Yeah. - Hey, buddy, can you name an

animal that we eat but doesn't eat us?

Oh, easy. A sea urchin.

- A sea... a what now? - Sea urchin.

- Sea urchin. - Yeah.

- Okay. - Show me sea urchin!

Ooh, one strike.

- Oh. - One strike for the Reynolds

- here. - Wow, that, uh, that buzzer

- sounds... it's awfully loud. - It is loud.

Pierces you right down to your soul, doesn't it?

- I don't like it. - Okay.

- I'll be fine, though. - You're right.

- All right, thank you. - Okay.

- Who do we have here? - Hi.

- Hello... Deandra. - Yep.

Yeah. Deandra, help me out-- name an

animal that we eat but doesn't eat us.

Well, Grant, I'll tell you what...

- Mm-hmm? - ...I like to eat cock.

Whoa, no, no, no, no, no.

No, we can't say... Lisa, are we gonna...?

See what I did there? It's a little bit of a double

entendre type of thing. I was talking about chicken, but

- I said "cock." - Yeah, don't say that word.

Please, I'm-I'm... Just, it's a family show, so

we're just gonna go with "chicken," okay?

- Show me chicken! - Ow!

There you go.

- An answer on the board! - Okay.

- Ronald Reynolds. - Yeah!

- Hello, sir. - Hey!

- How you doing today? - I'm great, Grant.

I'm just really excited to be here with my new family.

- Oh... your new family? - Yeah.

Oh, a little bit of background.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Uh, actually, just for

clarification. Um, he raised them, but he

didn't sire them. Now, he may have sired him--

we're not exactly sure, but they do live together in squalor.

Yeah, yeah. I actually brought my blood

bucket in case you guys want to run his blood and see if it all

checks out. It'd be good to know.

Yeah, if we want to do, like, a quick DNA sequencing...

- Yeah. - ...at the commercial break,

that actually would clear things up for everybody.

- If we could. - It would set the record

straight. But either way, I was always the

odd man out, you know? I mean, you know.

And then Frank, here, adopted me and now I'm a part of the

- Reynolds family! - Okay, well...

We don't... I'm... I'm just... I'm not even

gonna try to figure that one out, so...

Okay, here-here's the deal, guys: from now on, I'm not gonna

ask you guys any more questions at all...

- Yes. - ...other than the ones that

- keep the game moving. All right? - Great! Yeah!

Great! Show me... cow!

Nope, that's me. I say that word.

I say the "show me" part. You just give me the answer.

- Okay, Ronald? - Right, I'm sorry.

- Show me c... - Don't say "show me."

- He just said that. - Don't say it.

- He just said that. - Just say the answer.

Show... show me.. is the part I say?

Here's the one thing... there's only one thing in the

whole world at this moment you shouldn't say...

- Mm-hmm? - "Show me."

So just give me the answer, and then I'll say sh...

You know what, go ahead and do it.

- Just go ahead and do it, then. - Do what?

Mother of... Show me cow!

Cow!

- Good answer! - So, sadly we got to stay

here. Okay. Charlie?

- Yeah? - Just need you to name an

- animal... - Yes!

...that we eat but doesn't eat us.

Doesn't eat us-- that's easy. Dragon!

- Charlie, do you eat dragon? - No! I don't eat dragon

'cause, uh, it's-it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal

for kings, and I'm sort of a common man.

But they don't eat us; they, uh, it's like a misconception.

They actually eat gold and treasure.

That's why they're always sitting on a big pile of it.

- Bad answer. - Bad answer.

- Bad answer. - That's a bad answer.

Okay, show me dragon!