Friends

I can't believe you would actually say that.

I would much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty.

No way. Mr. Salty is a sailor, all right?

He's gotta be, like, the toughest snack there is.

I don't know. You don't wanna mess with corn nuts.

They're crazy.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You gotta come see this.

There's some creep out there with a telescope.

I can't believe it. He's looking right at us.

Oh, that is so sick.

I feel violated.

And not in a good way.

How can people do that?

Oh, you guys, look. Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots.

I'm telling you, years from now, school children will study it...

...as one of the greatest first dates of all time.

It was unbelievable.

We could totally be ourselves. We didn't have to play any games.

- So have you called her yet? - Let her know I like her? Are you insane?

Guys. It's gross.

It's the next day. How needy do I wanna seem?

I'm right. Right?

- Let her dangle. - Yeah, definitely.

Oh.

I can't believe my parents are pressuring me...

...to find one of you people.

God. Come on. Just do it.

Call her. Stop being so testosterone-y.

Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat.

- I got her machine. - Her answering machine?

No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.

So, um, why didn't you say anything?

Oh, no, no, no. Last time I left a spontaneous message...

...I ended up using the phrase, "Yes, indeed-io."

Look, it's Rachel and Barry. No, no, don't everybody look at once.

- Okay, okay. What's going on? - Okay, they're just talking.

Yeah, well, does he look upset?

Does he look like he was just told to shove anything?

No. No, actually, he's smiling.

Oh, my God. Don't do that.

What? What? What?

That man across the street just kicked that pigeon.

Oh.

And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.

Oh.

- See? Hey, Rach. - Hey.

How'd it go?

You know, it was, uh... It was actually really great.

Took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room.

I had that chicken, you know, where you poke it and butter squirts out.

Not a good day for birds.

And then we took a walk to Bendel's.

And I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel.

That's nice. Now was that before or after you told him...

...to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to generally leave you alone, huh?

Right. Well, we never actually got to that.

Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, you know? It was...

It was comfortable and it was familiar.

It was just nice.

That's "nice" twice.

Rachel, what's going on?

Isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar?

Duh. Where have you been?

Yeah, but it was different with him today.

He wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, you know?

I mean, we had fun. Is there anything wrong with that?

Yes.

- Why? - I have my reasons.

Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to another woman...

...who just happens to be your ex-best friend?

All right. All right, all right, all right. I know it's stupid.

I'll go see him this afternoon and I will just put an end to it.

Wow.

- Wow. - Ha, ha.

Yeah.

I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that.

No, it wasn't.

Oh. It was so nice having this little sink here.

"Oh, Danielle, I wasn't expecting the machine.

Give me a call when you get a chance."

Bye-bye.

Oh, God.

That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?

Hey, I've been honing.

What was with the dishes?

Oh, uh, I wanted her to think I might be in a restaurant...

...you know, I might have some kind of life.

Like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the last two hours?

He's doing it again. The guy with the telescope.

Oh, my God.

Oh. Go away. Stop looking in here!

Great. Now he's waving back.

We gotta do something about that guy.

This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment.

It creeps me out. I feel like I can't do stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff...

...but, like, when I'm cooking naked.

You cook naked?

Yeah, toast, oatmeal. Nothing that spatters.

What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.

What's the matter?

Oh, I just... Oh, Barry, this was not good.

No, it was. It was very, very good.

- What about Mindy? - Oh, way better than Mindy.

No, not that. I mean, what about you and Mindy?

Oh. If you want, I'll just break it off with her.

No. No, no, no.

No, don't do that. Not for me.

Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment.

Thanks, Bernice.

Let's go away this weekend.

Oh, Barry. Come on. This is all way too...

No, we can go to Aruba.

When I went there on what would've been our honeymoon...

...it was, uh... It was really nice. You would've liked it.

I had a bra.

Hey, Dr. Farber.

All right, Miss Green, everything looks fine.

Yep, I think we're starting to see some real progress here.

- What? - I'm 12, I'm not stupid.

- Can I use your phone? - Yeah.

Uh, but for future reference, um, that thing in your hand...

...can also be used as a phone.

Yes, it's working.

Why isn't she calling me back?

Maybe she never got your message.

You know, you could call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps...

...that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.

- You don't think that makes me seem...? - Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?

Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.

- How many beeps? - She answered.

You see, this is where you'd use that "hello" word we talked about.

I'm not going to. She obviously got my message...

...and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed.

God, I miss just being needy.

Hey.

So how'd he take it?

Pretty well, actually.

Uh, Rach. How come you have dental floss in your hair?

Oh, do I?

We ended up having sex in his chair.

You had sex in his chair?

I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?

You had what?

Sex in his chair.

What?

What were you thinking?

I don't know. I mean, we still care about each other.

There's a history there. It's like you and Carol.

No. No, no.

It's nothing like me and Carol.

Please. If she said to you, "Ross, I want you on this couch...

...right here, right now," what would you say?

If it helps I could slide over.

It's a totally different situation.

It's apples and oranges. It's orthodontists and lesbians...

I gotta go.

- Where are you going? - I just have to go, all right?

Do I need a reason, huh? I have things to do with my life.

I have a jam-packed schedule.

And I am late for keeping up with it, okay?

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Huh. Mindy.

Hi. Hey, how are you?

Yes, yes, I heard. Congratulations. That is so great.

Really, oh, God...

Okay.

Okay, I'm working tomorrow...

...but if you want, you can come by if you'd like.

Okay.

Great.

All right.

So I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

So how's Mindy?

Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow.

Oh, she sounded really weird. I gotta call Barry.

Hi, it's me. I just... Ha! Mindy.

Mindy. Hi.

No, I figured that's where you'd be.

Hell is filled with people like you.

He's back. The peeper's back.

- Get down. - Get down?

And boogie.

Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy.

Relax. She may not even know.

Please, I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now she calls me.

I mean, what else is it about?

She was my best friend, you guys.

We went to camp together...

...she taught me how to kiss... - Yeah?

Now, you know, I'm, like, the other woman.

- Ugh, I feel so... - Naughty.