Overboard

A nurse should monitor

for which side effect of antiplatelet medication?

A, drop in blood pressure. B, hot flashes.

C, bloody stools. D, blurred vision.

Blood pressure.

C, bloody stools.

Antiplatelet, bloody stools.

Watch some sports like real men.

This has 10 times the emotion of your football.

It's ridiculous.

Hey. Sorry, some surfer gave me wet money.

Well, here are your deliveries.

Oh, and I would save 650 Cypress for last.

Canadian bacon and pineapple? No. Ew.

Hey, he's cute, and you might have fun.

I don't have time for fun.

Well, then you're doing it wrong.

Add it to the list.

It's not ridiculous.

These stories come from real life.

Crazy things happen all the time.

Come on, back me up on this.

I don't watch this shit.

I don't even hear it. It's like working at my abuela's.

Huh.

When suctioning mucus from a patient's lung,

which action completes the procedure...

Hey, girls, come on, let's go!

- Hey, Mom! - Hi, Mom!

Move! We gotta go!

Really, Mom? The sign?

Be embarrassed in the car, okay?

I've got eight minutes to get these pizzas across town.

Move!

How was school?

- Fine. - Oh, don't tip 'em.

Change of plans, sir.

We're just having some minor mechanical issues.

We'll dock at the nearest harbor for some repairs

and I'll arrange to have

the carpets professionally cleaned.

Don't need to know how the sausage is made, Colin!

Absolutely right, sir.

- Papa. Papa. - Mmm-hmm.

When swabbing fecal matter,

a nurse should take which of the following precautions?

- Bye, Mom! - See ya, Mom!

All right, listen to your grandma, okay?

Hi, Grandma!

And, hey, I want you to take a bath, Olivia!

- Use soap. - Okay.

You're not gonna believe this.

Remember how I sang that song from Les Mis

at the Saint James talent show

and everyone said I was amazing?

Okay, Mom, can you just type this up in an e-mail,

because I'm gonna be late for my other job.

Turns out, a producer

from the Eugene Senior Theater touring company was there.

He had tears.

Anyway, one of their leads fell in the shower,

and they want me to step in.

What? When is this all supposed to be happening?

I'm leaving tonight. They're already in tech.

No! Mom, my nursing exam is in less than a month

and you agreed to help.

I'm 72. If I don't follow my dreams now, when will I?

Never, Mom!

The whole reason we moved here is so I could study more.

I already failed the exam once.

No, don't guilt me.

You're not the only one with a dead husband.

Dad's not dead, you're divorced!

Oh, and I'm gonna need you to take care of Fiona.

The kennel won't take her. She has crate anxiety.

You can't possibly be this selfish.

I'm sorry, honey, but the theater is calling me.

Oh! Literally. They need my dress size.

Hi, there. Normally a zero, but a two if I'm bloated.

Good night.

Hey, don't stay up too late.

Oh, God.

Holy crap.

Here we are. I'll be around if you need me.

Guess where I am?

Some dude's yacht.

You little tramp.

- I'm cleaning the carpets. - Oh.

Oh, my God. Theresa, look at this bathroom.

God, I could live in here!

Oh.

And they have candy. Who has candy in the bathroom?

That's not candy.

Yeah, because nobody has candy in the bathroom.

- Oh, God. - Because it's a bathroom!

Okay, come on, show me more. Wait, wait, wait.

Is that the guy? Is he married? He's cute.

And that's not even a very good picture.

Hello, Theresa!

- Oh, God. - Hi!

By the way, she's single, and horny.

Yeah, I'm so sorry.

I'll get out of here.

No, no, no. I should get up. Busy day.

I've got a lot of... Whew!

Really nothing to do.

Colin, I'm ready for my Bloody Mary. Yeah.

Mostly Mary. Yeah.

Well, now you know.

I'm a grown man with a tattoo on his butt.

Is that Speedy Gonzales?

Do you know another cartoon mouse with a sombrero?

I hate the pussycat.

Let me guess, you were, uh, a little tipsy when you got that?

Not at all.

I love Speedy. He's fast, he's charming.

He's Mexican.

He outsmarts the pussycat

and brings delicious cheese to his people.

And he's just fun to look at.

My name is Leonardo.

Kate. Sullivan.

You're very attractive for a carpet cleaning lady.

Yeah.

Although you maybe could do something with your hair.

Yeah...

No, well, no, that's not it. It's your face.

Yeah. I mean, it's good.

I wanna like it, it's just...

It's just somehow less than the sum of its parts.

What animal do people say you look like?

Apologies, sir, I thought you were up and about already.

Ah, finally. It's about time.

Um, have Chef Gerard prepare breakfast. Then, fire him.

Of course, but perhaps we could give him a few weeks' notice.

His wife's expecting.

But his food is boring.

Absolutely.

There you are, sleepyhead. Hi.

Well, this is awkward. We're wearing the same thing.

Boop! Boop!

Lead the way, girls!

Okay.

Boop! Boop!

Boop!

Oh, try to hurry. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need the room.

- Excuse me, Captain? - Yeah.

Checked the engine, you're in luck.

It's just the anti-siphon valve. No problem.

I was just telling him

that I was right, and that he's a dumbass.

Say, how'd this dude make all his money, anyway?

He didn't.

His family owns the largest building supply company in the world.

Now this is what he does all day.

Chicken fight?

All right. Here's my info.

If you're ever in Norway, look me up.

The summers are insane.

That's happening, Oddvar. That's definitely happening.

Hi. Excuse me, I was told to clean in there.

Something about a glitter bomb?

Is that gonna disturb you?

No, not at all.

Hmm. I'm craving something. What is it?

Excuse me, are you talking to me?

Sweet, but not too sweet. Hmm.

Is it mango? I'm pretty sure it's mango.

No. No, wait, wait. It's papaya.

Is it papaya?

I would have no way of knowing that.

Of course.

Could you be a doll and get me a little of both?

Hmm?

You know I was just hired to do carpets, right?

I don't see why that should prevent you from getting me a little snack.

Don't you have, like, 10,000 other people to do that for you?

Yeah. But you're right here.

Okay, I'm sorry, but I really have to finish up

so I can pick my girls up from school.

Shh.

Perhaps you don't know who I am.

I know exactly who you are.

You showed me your ass and did a number on my self-esteem.

Then why don't I have my fruit?

Beats me. But I'm not getting it.

Okay. Fair enough.

You're fired.

For not getting you a mango?

Or a papaya.

Okay, you know what? That's fine.

Just pay me and I'll be on my way.

I'm not paying you or the "We Care Carpet and Fabric Company."

Dude, you have a toilet in there

that costs more than I make in a year.

You hired me to do a job. I did it. You're paying me.

Nope.

Mr. Montenegro, ready to ship out when you are.

Great! Push off. The Pacific awaits.

Goodbye, Kate.