Murphy Brown

So that's our show for this morning.

Check in with us tomorrow.

When I'll be reporting on new alternatives

to animal testing in the cosmetics industry.

I'll be recapping tonight's Presidential rally

in Altoona, PA.

And I'll be taking a look at the troubled relationship

President Trump has with our allies,

Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron.

That would make a good screwball comedy, wouldn't it?

We could call it "Two Men and a Baby."

And we're out.

And there goes our last Republican viewer.

Just couldn't help yourself, could you, Murphy?

Seconds from the end of a terrific show

and you had to take a sarcastic swipe at the president.

I know, I know. And I sort of regretted it

the second it came out of my mouth.

But ever since this guy has been in the Oval Office,

I've developed a kind of Tourette's.

Hey, Miles, you got a minute?

- Sure. - I have this idea.

Instead of reporting off the pool coverage

of tonight's rally,

I think I should go there myself.

I wish I could send you, but we're a new show.

- We don't have that in the budget. - It's just

that I really miss being out in the field.

I tell you what. What if I drive up to Altoona?

I'll cover all the expenses. I could be back here tonight

with an up close and personal story.

In-person coverage would be nice for a change.

And I'm willing to do this on my own dime

because you can't put a price tag

on good, old-fashioned boots on the ground reporting.

So, let me get this straight.

You're gonna drive two and a half hours,

turn around, and come back the same night.

That's gonna run you, what? 28 bucks?

I might eat a snack.

Okay, you can go.

But just this once. Because it sets a bad precedent.

If Diana finds out we're financing our own coverage,

she might start charging us for our own therapeutic massages.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute. The network is paying for...

What are you still doing here, Frank?

Tick tock! Traffic on the Beltway!

See you tomorrow!

There has never been anything

like what happened in November of '16.

Remember that incredible night in November?

Oh, for God's sakes.

It's been two years. Give it a rest.

You know, I really wish you two crazy kids

would work out your problems.

Have you considered couples therapy?

No, it's too late. It's over.

I got the house and the car.

He got the hair spray.

You know, your Uncle Frank is in here somewhere.

- He's covering the rally? - Yep.

And by the way,

anybody catch Old Murphy

on TV this morning?

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Yeah, she was at it again.

Sitting there with her flunky friends,

telling their big lies,

planting their fake stories about our great country.

Is that what you do?

You paint a much different picture.

I hear Old Murphy's partner in crime,

Fibbin' Frank Fontana is here tonight.

Where is he? There he is. See him?

That's right. Let Fibbin' Frank know what you think of him!

Maybe a good body slam, what do you say?

Oh, I can't watch this garbage anymore.

Oh. Here we go.

- What is that? - "Hoarders"!

Oh, my God. People afraid of throwing stuff away

wind up buried under mountains of their own garbage.

It destroys their lives.

It's brilliant.

This is coming from a woman who has a basement

full of old T.V. Guides.

I haven't finished all the crosswords yet.

You know, it's a new Golden Age of Television,

and this is what you choose to watch?

Don't open the closet.

Oh, God, don't open the closet.

What's happening?

A social worker just found a dead raccoon

under a monstrous pile of old sponges.

- And you didn't wake me up? - Ow.

Hello?

Hello?

Just because it has numbers on it,

doesn't mean you can talk into it.

Hello?

Oh, Miles. Hey.

Avery and I are just sitting here...

Wha... What?

What?

Are you sure?

What hospital?

Okay.

Frank got hurt at the rally.

He's being airlifted back to Washington.

Okay, let's go. Let's go.

I guess when you major in journalism these days,

you have to minor in kickboxing.

Hey, Uncle Frank.

Hey, guys.

What happened to you?

I thought you knew how to duck.

You should see the other hundred guys.

How bad do I look?

Not bad,

if you're a piñata.

So, I guess the takeaway here is,

next time you cover a rally,

hope the president doesn't give you a shout out.

When Trump left the stage, I decided to leave the press pen

and go interview some of the people.

Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by a sea of red hats.

- Oh, God. - No big deal.

I'm just milking this

for the Jell-O and sponge baths.

Where is he? Where's my big hero Frank?!

Oh, my God.

You look awful!

Are you in pain?

Uh, yeah. The paramedic gave me a shot,

but I think it wore off.

Okay, nurse, he needs another shot.

- It's not time yet. - I don't think you heard me.

My friend is in pain, and he needs a shot now.

And he'll get one in a few hours.

A few hours is a few hours too late!

The man is in pain. He needs a shot!

Did you hear me? Give him a shot. Right now!

A shot! Give him a shot!

All right, I've seen the movie.

I'll give him the damn shot.

And then I might give you one.

- How long will it take to kick in? - Right away.

I got here as soon as I could.

I was in such a rush to park

that I clipped the fender of a paramedics van

and spent the last half-hour filling out

an accident report in the emergency room driveway...

Watching one bloody heap on a gurney after another.

It was like the opening scene from "Saving Private Ryan."

I'm a wreck.

Frank. How you doing, buddy?

Hello.

How do you think he's doing?

He's got three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder,

and he almost lost an eye.

Am I on TV?

- Where's Ron? - Who's Ron?

My brother.

You don't have a brother, Uncle Frank.

What happened to him? What happened to Ron?!

Oh, wow.

I-I saw some video of the attack on Twitter

and got here as fast as I could.

I-I know we butt heads sometimes, Frank,

but when stuff like this happens,

it just makes you realize that we're family.

Ron?

Just say yes. He thinks he has a brother.

Hey... bro.

You came! Of course I came.

You were always there for me growing up.

Remember when I told you I was gay?

You didn't have to tell me. I walked in on you.

Yes, and you were so supportive.

Not like Mom and Dad.

Mom came around eventually. But not Dad.

Dad had to put on a macho front for all his factory buddies.

That's enough sharing, Ron.

Let's let him get some rest.

Ironically, Dad had a dark secret of his own.

Okay, that's enough, Ron.

Silverberg. Murphy.

Others.

Please, Frank, don't get up.

People say I'm not funny.

On behalf of the CNC family,

I brought you this gift basket.

There's some candy, a roll of Fuji film,

a round beach towel... Not easy to find...

And a stuffed animal of some undetermined gender.

Santa.

May I say, I am deeply disturbed

by the events that transpired, and I want you to take

as much time as you need before coming back to work.

How long do you think that will be?