Ladhood

I'm all right for a cup of tea, thanks, Mum.

Just on the phone to Jess.

Hey, how you doing? How's Amsterdam?

It's lovely, just on the train.

On my way to meet clients for dinner.

But just want to say good luck for the gig tonight.

Oh, I'm actually, erm,

not sure I'm going to be able to do it.

Hold on, I'm just doing to do a little impression of someone.

You're right, Jess, a creative outlet

is what I need.

There's a legendary spoken word gig

I've wanted to perform at for years.

I'll go back to Leeds and do it and if I try and back out,

don't let me!

Who do you think I am, by the way?

Well, not me, cos I don't sound like that.

Anyway, the gig's at 8:00 and it's, like, 5:00 now,

and I haven't got any material, so...

Did you try

sitting down in a quiet room

with a pen and paper,

or did you just burn the day playing old video games?

No, I...

I... Look, I've actually

been cleaning out my old bedroom all day.

Right, because my parents want to turn it into a guest room,

which is weird because I'm the only guest who ever comes.

So, yeah, I just haven't really had the time.

Right.

So that's it for the slam poetry ambitions, then?

It's not slam poetry, is it?

I don't know what it is, but... But...

I don't really need to do it,

like, I've realised I'm actually pretty happy with my life.

I've got a steady job. I've got a great relationship.

You know?

- I'm not bottling it, if... - I know you're not.

Look, I'm going into a tunnel...

Hello?

Jess?

I'm not bottling it.

All right?

I know you're not there.

Bye. I love you. I know you're not there. Bye.

Fuckin' hell.

(PORN ACTRESS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON VIDEO)

Yes, I remember making this track.

I remember the very day.

All my mates 'round,

couldn't wait to show them my new music equipment

and get them involved.

- Sick. - Oi,

I said don't touch it. You don't know what you're doing yet.

We are champions, champions of Europe.

Put it down!

Respect the equipment.

Anyway, what do you think?

I think, imagine the amount of bifda you could have had instead of spending

all your birthday money on fucking

GCSE music bullshit you don't even know how to use.

Come on, lads. I got all this gear

so we can make something together.

I think it could be really good.

Why do we have to do it now, though?

Cos me mum and dad are at me nana's house all day.

- Free house! - Yes, mate!

I'm glad you want to stay, but only if we're making a track.

Who said you can do that?

Free house law.

What the fuck is free house law?

Free house law.

Just saying it again don't add owt.

Free house law, mate.

Absolute piss take.

What are you doing?

Listen, I've got a free house all week next week.

Right? I'll let you come 'round every day.

Piss in the bath, if you want, I don't care.

Right. Rules are,

no smoking spliffs in the house.

Don't go in my parents' room,

and keep the noise down in case the phone rings.

Course, mate, of course

we'll keep the noise down.

You don't need to whisper, Addy.

The most important thing is

we're going to focus on making this track

and not just waste another day getting stoned.

I believe in us, boys.

I know we can make something fucking special.

Yes, my son.

Erm, the cliche has it that all teenagers

dream of being in bands with their mates,

but I had an updated fantasy

of being in a loosely defined,

hip hop‐inspired vocal electronic

music collective with mine.

Okay, none of us really knew what we were doing,

but we would learn.

And most importantly, this would bring out

a new side of all of us,

a creative side, a nuanced side,

as well as an authentic voice.

Motherfucking Eminem AK‐47, man!

I mean, I definitely don't want that on it.

What shall we do first?

- (PLAYS RANDOM NOTES) - Not that!

Sorry.

Right, first you need the beat.

I've already made one.

Yeah, that's nice.

That's the computer loading up.

Oh.

What do you think?

It's a bit boring, innit?

Can't it have, like, guns in it?

Guns?

You want the song to be guns?

Yeah, well, with a drumbeat.

All right, just a minute.

Ten minutes later...

There you go.

(BEAT PLAYS WITH GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECTS)

Sick!

That is proper music.

Right, how is that proper music?

You've just got this stupid vision of rap

being about guns and bitches.

It's so immature.

It's got to be intelligent,

right?

It's got to be, like,

mid‐career Nas meets early‐era Skinnyman,

meets pan‐career Gil Scott‐Heron,

sort of stripped‐back,

progressive, melodic kind of shit.

I always was one to bullshit.

I do not have a clue what you're on about.

Neither does he.

Let's just go play heads and volleys.

Do you want to be stuck here your whole lives?

Or do you want to just take the piss out the rest of the fuck‐ups around here?

You little Tory.

Do you want to mess up what little chance we have

of getting out of this bloody grey,

monotonous, suburban shithole?

This isn't a shithole.

It's got a Tesco Extra.

- And a Greggs. - It's got two Greggs now.

Actually, the original Greggs will close when the new, larger branch opens.

Oh, really?

Are they still going to do them little pizzas?

I dearly hope so.

This is exactly what I'm fucking talking about!

Quibbling about small pizzas.

You love those small pizzas.

Yes,

I do love those small pizzas,

but that is not the point.

Then what is the point?

The point is that this song might be the best fucking chance

we've got to make something of oursens.

Or do you want to just be stuck here forever?

No.

I want to see t'world, me.

Like where?

There's more places than just Garforth, Craggy.

There's East Leeds.

- There's... - The outskirts of York.

Look, the point is

you don't have to have the same life as your parents.

Actually, national economic trends of the next 10 years

meant that a lot of kids of this generation will be

priced out of Garforth

and couldn't even manage to live the same lives as their parents,

despite supposedly having better early life opportunities.

Just a little fun fact there.

Right, but how is one stupid song recorded in your bedroom

going to change all of our lives?

A fair question from Craggy.

What relevance did hip‐hop have to our lives,

especially the mainstream American

gangsta rap which represented

about all we knew of the genre.

But there was something of a revolution happening

in British music at that time.

Dig that crazy rhythm.

Have you lot heard of Myspace?

What's that?

With the rise of the internet, a new generation of stars

were making music in their bedrooms

and getting famous.

First The Streets blew my teenage imagination

with Original Pirate Material,

an album recorded in a wardrobe.

Meanwhile, Dizzee Rascal's Boy In Da Corner

was partly created on school computers,

and soon a spate of Myspace artists blossomed

with a new, homespun,