Biswa Kalyan Rath's Mood Kharaab

This is London.

The biggest city in the world.

Here,

nobody knows me

except

these pigeons

and

this cameraman.

Actually this cameraman does not know me,

and I cannot find pigeons either.

Everyday this road asks me,

“Who is Biswa Kalyan Rath?”

“Where is he from?”

“What does he want?”

I say, “Hey! stupid road,

mind your own business.”

“Don't spoil my mood early in the morning.”

Are you guys ready to start this show really?

Well, please put your hands together and welcome on stage Biswa Kalyan Rath.

Wow!

Crazy!

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much, London, for coming out.

It's lovely being here in the UK.

It's amazing being here in the UK.

The first thing you do when you get to UK

is you go through immigration.

This country has immigration.

They give you permission to enter the country.

Clearly, they know the concept

that you have to seek permission.

They just don't follow it and barge in anywhere.

Barged in India with a cannon like, "What's up?"

We asked for their passports, they said, "Get aside!"

They just barged in.

Beside the immigration officer it is written,

"Do not verbally abuse the immigration officer."

I said, “I wasn't even planning to.”

“But now, you have given me this idea.”

“Now, I have to do it.”

Because the immigration officer knows only one language.

I am fluent in three.

And I can abuse in nine.

Thank you officer. .

What can he do? Nothing.

This country is too organized.

Everything is too organized, I don't like it.

In India, things are not organized

but people are very helpful.

That's what I like. Here, they give directions so briefly,

So brief that it difficult to trust.

Will we be able to reach?

It has such few words.

4, London.

What the fuck!

Nearby what, brother?

Opposite what?

Tell me, dear.

In India, we give such a subjective address.

It's a complete essay.

And after that the person calls as well.

“Listen brother, I have sent the address.”

“It has a link.”

“Do not follow it.”

“You will get in an alley you won't come out from.”

“Do as I say.”

We remain on the phone and provide moral support.

“Do as I say, listen.”

“Keep going on the main road.”

“Keep going.”

“Keep going.”

“Keep going.”

“You'll see a left turn now.”

“There is a left there.”

“There is a left. You'll see it when you turn into it.”

This is our special feature.

Sometimes there's a left turn but you won't see it, if you don't turn.

Our country is Narnia.

If your heart is pure,

then you will see the left turn.

Once he turns left, "Keep going".

“Keep going. Keep going.”

And we don't pinpoint a location.

We try to get them near a particular place.

“Now you will see an ATM.”

“Not the one with two ATMs.”

“There's just one ATM.”

“Ignore the two ATMs.”

“Keep moving ahead, you saw the ATM? Stop right there.”

Right there. The final line of address, always is;

“Ask anyone around,

where is Vasant building?”

Whom will he ask?

In India, you will always find at least one guy right there.

Always atleast one guy,

standing at the corner of the street.

He's not in a mood.

Just standing.

He has an issue with every season.

“Oh my God, it is so hot.”

“It is very hot, bro.”

“It is very hot.”

You will roll down your window and ask him, “Where is Vasant building?”

He won't answer in one go.

It's a two-factor authentication for him.

“Where is Vasant building?”

“Vasant building?”

“Yes, Vasant building.”

“You want to go to Vasant building?”

“Yes, brother.”

“This is it. Now go.”

This is the height of nonsense.

I am a very pessimistic person.

I am telling you, I am strongly pessimistic.

Everyone is god gifted.

Sachin is a batsman. Greatest batsman ever.

Sachin is a great batsman, I am a better pessimist.

I'll prove this to you. Sachin batted 643 innings in his life.

Hundred times he made a century.

543 times, I was right.

85% success rate.

Sachin is amazing, I am a little better.

I am not being arrogant, I love Sachin.

It was my childhood dream to become a batsman.

But it never happened.

Childhood was a very different time, like oh my God!

Remember those times?

Where everybody's main issue was "Why is he happy?"

Let's kill his vibe.

No entertainment, nothing. Life is so blant.

All the elders just say, "Sit quietly."

"Don't laugh." Zero entertainment.

There was so less entertainment in our lives.

That me and my friends,

would drink a lot of water in the first period of school.

And would not pee till the last period.

So that when we do pee, we enjoy it thoroughly.

Have you guys tried it?

When you pee after eight hours, you feel like your soul is departing.

We would feel the thermodynamics from within.

We would be like, “Oh my God!”

“Brother, what a pee I had today! It was crazy.”

This was our childhood.

Drinking water, holding the pee!

You should try it sometime.

You can't focus while working on Excel? Don't go to pee.

The focus it creates, everything will be visible to you like OMG.

Crazy, crazy, crazy. You'll get it all done.

In school, the main objective of all the teachers was,

"Why is this kid happy?"

We had a P.T teacher, he had nothing to do.

He'd make a new rule everyday.

A new rule everyday.

Once he introduced a rule,

“Wherever you see a teacher, greet them.”

Do Namaste on seeing a teacher.

Good rule. Kids have no context to it.

Teacher's taking a leak and children are like, "Sir, greetings."

“Greetings to the tiny teacher as well.”

Theoretically this rule is good, but practically it is very problematic.

One day, I was riding a bicycle.

Back then, my legs didn't reach the pedals while going down.

I'd pedal till 75%

push it down, wait for it to come up and repeat.

Do you remember that time?

And my brother used to sit in the back.

Okay so, I was cycling,

we saw the PT teacher coming towards us.

He is gradually coming closer.

I gradually start panicking.

I told my brother, "Let's do one thing."

“You hold the handle.”

“I'll greet him.”

My brother says, “He is my teacher too.”

I said, “At least one of us has to die today.”

“Let's do one thing.”

“First, you hold the handle and I'll greet him.”

“Then I'll quickly hold the handle

and just as he is passing by you can quickly greet him.”

We decided that we will do this gymnastics activity.

He was 6 and I was 10.

Our feet don't reach to the ground

But we are deciding this.

But we didn't know the concept of relative velocity.

By the time we agreed to this, the PT teacher was here.

Our reflexes kicked in and we both greeted him together.

Our bicycle was down at a 45⁰ angle but we kept on greeting him.

Our elbows are scuffing but we won't stop greeting.

We will even die, but we will greet him for sure.

The bicycle went straight and hit the PT teacher.

We knocked the PT teacher down.

P.T. teacher fell on ground, his cycle fell on him,

our bicycle was on top of that and we two brothers where greeting him.

Try thinking from the PT teacher's perspective.

He's on his way home, thinking what a P.T. teacher thinks.

What can he even think?

“I'll check their nails tomorrow.” Whatever.

Thinking upto whatever he can.

“I'll command 1, 2 but then I won't say 2 in the middle.”

“1, 1, 1, 2, 1.”