Spy Time (Anacleto: Agente secreto)

I'm too old for this.

Damn desert.

- Code name? - Anacleto.

You can't smoke here.

Goddamn anti-smoking law.

No one's been here in a while.

Sometimes you have to come to the asshole of the world

to clean up the shit.

Anacleto, I've been in here for 10 years because of you!

I'm gonna... I'm gonna...! Shit, I can't think of anything!

- Me neither! - My mind's gone blank.

I had a great one.

You're a popular guy round here.

My fan club. I'll miss them when I retire.

I've got one, I wrote it down.

But reading it out ruins it.

Anacleto.

Vázquez.

What's it been, 30 years? You can tell.

You look better with long hair.

I see you thought about me a lot.

When you have one aim in life,

- you devote time to it. - Don't worry,

I'm here to take you to a smaller, dirtier prison.

You'll have the next 20 years to plaster your cell with sketches.

You know what's a shame? They're closing the GP.

It seems you're no longer necessary.

So many years fighting criminals like me...

- and budget cuts get you. - You seem annoyed at me.

I've been in prison for 30 years because of you.

Believe me, "annoyed" isn't the word.

Now you can spend more time with your son.

You do have a son, right?

It's amazing what you find out in solitary confinement.

Don't mention my son again!

The saw, quick!

- I forgot it. - What?! Get these cuffs off!

Goddamn mask!

What with the bazooka, it slipped our minds.

The Butcher and the Molecule.

I see you still get the top men.

What was your catchphrase?

"Anacleto never fails"?

It doesn't seem very accurate now, does it?

It doesn't look like your plan worked out either.

You don't know my plan yet.

- It's to kill you and your son! - No!

This has only just begun.

Watch it with the weed, eh?

- No one can see us. - A little respect, I'm your boss

and you're hoggin' the joint.

Here, boss.

Some boss...

- Another tough night at work. - You got it.

If I'd listened to my dad, I'd be shoveling shit right now.

Change the channel.

Here goes.

- What do we do? - I don't know, you're the boss.

But I'm no dictator, I want your opinion.

I don't fancy going down and tangling with those creeps.

Do we call the cops?

By the time they arrive, those TVs will be in the Ukraine.

There'd be a report, paperwork, a mess.

Besides, the company allows for robberies in the price.

We're watchdogs, right? We watch, we don't fight.

So, we're watching.

Shall we put on a movie?

Katia, can you turn down the music, please?

Sure, go ahead, sleep.

We had a tough night. We kind of got robbed...

In the hospital we had it easy.

Twiddling our thumbs the whole time.

Being Friday, people didn't go nuts,

no alcoholic comas or accidents...

And I could've spent another hour in bed, but no,

I'd rather pick you up in the asshole of the world.

- Okay. - I've got an idea:

You could get your driver's license.

I know, I just don't have time.

Working at night...

Why did you stop the car? We're not there.

We have to talk.

Adolfo, I'm tired of arguing about the same thing.

Then we can keep quiet. Like this...

That's the problem, you never say or do anything.

You spend all day on the couch.

Couch-movie-blanket, that's all you want from life.

You like it too.

And when we watch TV series? We get under the blankets,

with some pizzas... it's great.

But I don't want to live on a couch.

- No. - And you know it.

Yes.

I got myself a ticket to India.

Jesus!

I got into World Doctors again, and this time I'm sorry, but...

- I'm no waiting for you to decide. - I was coming with you.

- Really? - The time wasn't right.

- No? - No.

In six years?

- It slipped by. - You don't even have a passport.

I'm really sorry, I am.

- I love you. - Me too!

Wait, wait.

I know you'll never budge from here.

And I need... other things.

I need adventure and excitement.

And I know I'll never have that with you.

What is all this?

Are you leaving me?

It's all set.

I'm going in a week. I'll stay at my mom's until then.

What about me? Are you leaving me in the boonies.

Sorry, I'll take you where you want,

but we're finished.

Dad, are you ever going to answer?

What was in the van? Where's the merchandise?

I don't want any rugs, thanks.

- The waiter thinks he's funny. - Looks stupid.

I'm gonna kill him.

- We can get a ransom from Spain. - You speak Spanish.

- I'll make you a deal. - Go on.

You give me your Jeep, your guns and all your cash,

you stay in this damn desert without water or provisions.

Now comes the good part:

I promise, before I leave the country, I'll visit your wives.

Don't get me wrong, I'll be gentle:

Dinner, champagne, candles, all that stuff.

They'll love it and thank me by naming your future kids after me.

Anacleto. How do you like the deal?

Anacleto! What is this crap?

Anacleto never fails.

- Code name? - Anacleto.

Boss, it's Anacleto.

About time! What took you so long to get in touch?

You know the game's sacred.

I had to pair up with Rentero, who can't back me

when I bluff big. I can't believe he's a spy!

Boss, they knew the route, they were expecting us.

Unbelievable! And Vázquez?

He blew up the van and got away.

He knows I have a son. Adolfo must be protected.

Let's go! I want a special unit! Close the borders!

Polita, I want a passenger list for all departing flights!

We haven't had the budget for border agents for years,

you should know that.

Send me a helicopter!

Sure, with jacuzzi included!

We don't have the budget for a helicopter, you should know that!

You'll have to get out alone, you know the score.

At least send someone to watch Adolfo.

I'll send two agents, but their overtime

comes out of your severance pay.

I'm too old for this.

Listen to me, she's a bitch, you don't need her.

We're fine right here with our booze, our buddies,

sexually available women, free peanuts...

I'm allergic. One peanut and my heart stops, I die.

- But I don't care. - I do!

They're out of peanuts. Look at the babes here.

- Are you allergic to them too? - I don't like any of them,

none of them are like Katia.

Get over it, man.

Katia just walked by.

Let's go.

- I'll tell that bitch! - Martin, no! Come here!

Martin!

You're going to India to save the world, like Ghandi?

And Adolfo? Would Ghandi have left his boyfriend on the roadside?

Why do you care if we break up?

I care.

He's my friend and my subordinate.

If he's afraid to tell you, I will.

I think he's a big boy

who doesn't need anyone to defend him, much less you.

She's right. Shall we go, Martin?

You're safe because your girl friends are here, otherwise...

- Otherwise you'd hit me? - Maybe, yeah.

What happens when you get hurt?

Will you run to Mom, like you always do?

You've never won a fight with me your whole life!

Idiot!

Not the hair!

Not the hair!

What the hell's going on?

Relax, it's a brother-sister fight.

- You know what it's like. - No, I don't.

Balls, eh? She always goes for your hair or your balls.

You're crazy! He could've killed us!

I needed that!

He took the kick meant for me.

Either you or my brother.

With all we've done, now we're babysitters.

You bet. Remember that mission in Antarctica?

When they shot at us with nuclear missiles?

And that mess with the King's double mess in Bulgaria?

- And the Pakonia mummy? - And Operation Heliotrope?

And the Moon Storm mission?

- We were big dogs. - Yeah.

But we don't have a photo.