Game of Thrones

- Magnificent. - Mmm-hmm.

Looks fresh-forged.

It is.

No one's made a Valyrian steel sword since the Doom of Valyria.

There are three living smiths who know how to rework Valyrian steel.

The finest of them was in Volantis.

Came here to King's Landing at my invitation.

Where did you get this much Valyrian steel?

From someone who no longer had need of it.

You've wanted one in the family for a long time.

- And now we have two. - Two?

The original weapon was absurdly large. Plenty of steel for two swords.

Well, thank you. It's glorious.

You'll have to train your left hand.

Any decent swordsman knows how to use both hands.

You'll never be as good.

No.

But as long as I'm better than everyone else, it doesn't matter.

You can't serve in the Kingsguard with one hand.

Where's that written? I can and I will. The Kingsguard oath is for life.

The war is over. The King is safe.

The King is never safe.

How many people in this city alone would love to see his head on a pike?

Other knights protected the King while you were a prisoner.

They will continue to do so when you go home.

Home?

You'll return to Casterly Rock and rule in my stead.

You are the Lord of Casterly Rock.

I am the King's Hand. My place is here.

I don't expect to see the Rock again before I die.

You know what they call me?

Kingslayer. Oathbreaker. Man without honour.

Now you want me to break another sacred vow.

You won't be breaking anything.

There is a precedent to relieve a Kingsguard of his duties.

The King will exercise that prerogative.

No.

No?

No.

- I don't believe I asked you a question. - There's my answer.

If you think your bloody honour comes before your...

My bloody honour is beyond repair, but my answer is still no.

I don't want Casterly Rock, a wife, children.

What do you want?

Supper would be nice.

For 40 years I've tried to teach you.

If you haven't learned by now, you never will.

Go.

If serving as a glorified bodyguard is the sum of your ambition, go serve.

I suppose you want the sword back.

Keep it.

A one-handed man with no family needs all the help he can get.

How many Dornishmen does it take to fuck a goat?

Please don't.

Seems to me the smart place to meet travellers is in a tavern.

That way, one party is late, the other party can drink some ale inside.

This is the Prince of Dorne we're waiting for, not one of your sell sword friends.

If he's so damned important, how come they sent you to meet him?

There's bad blood between the Martells of Dorne and the Lannisters of Casterly Rock.

Has been for years.

And just in case the Martells of Dorne are looking to spill some Lannister blood,

- it may as well be yours, eh? - No need for cynicism.

I happen to be an accomplished diplomat.

Oh.

Ah, here we are.

Can you read the sigils?

Yellow balls?

Wild lemons on a purple field, House Dalt of Lemonwood.

A vulture grasping a baby in its talons, House of Blackmont.

A crowned skull, the Manwoodys of Kingsgrave.

Boy knows his Dornish houses.

I need a sigil.

And House Martell, a red sun pierced by a spear?

I don't see it, my lord.

Well met, my lords. His Grace King Joffrey welcomes you in his name.

My lord father, the King's Hand, sends his greetings as well.

I am Tyrion Lannister of Casterly Rock, Master of Coin.

Forgive me.

I don't see Prince Doran in your company.

The prince's health forces him to remain at Sunspear.

He sends his brother, Prince Oberyn, to attend the royal wedding.

The King will be delighted to enjoy the company of a warrior

as renowned as Prince Oberyn.

Will he?

Where is Prince Oberyn?

Arrived before dawn.

Not a man for welcome parties.

Very well. My lords, these fine men from the City Watch

will escort you to your quarters in the Red Keep.

You must be weary after such a long journey.

Some accomplished diplomacy that was.

Now where?

We must find Prince Oberyn before he kills somebody, or several somebodies.

How do you plan on finding a single Dornishman in a city this big?

You're famous for fucking half of Westeros.

You just arrived at the capital after two weeks of bad road.

Where would you go?

I'd probably go to sleep, but I'm getting old.

Look at this one.

How lovely is she?

Beautiful.

But pale.

We like them pale in the capital. Shows they don't work the fields.

Do I frighten you?

You like?

Timid bores me.

Hmm.

You're a bit of mischief, aren't you?

I think she likes you. (CHUCKLES)

She has good taste.

You're not timid, are you?

Not timid.

Do you like women?

When they look like her, my lord.

This one will do nicely.

Very good, my lady.

Oh, I'm not a lady.

A term of courtesy in this establishment.

A lie anywhere.

Why not use the right words?

I'm a bastard.

She is a whore. And you're what?

A procurer.

Any of the others?

The two girls can leave.

- (OLYVER SNAPS FINGERS) - You stay.

I'm afraid I'm not on offer, my lord.

Everyone who works for Little finger is on offer.

Take off your clothes. We'll be here a while.

- My lord. - I am a prince, boy.

Have you ever been with a prince?

Can't say I have.

- I'm wildly expensive. - (SCOFFS)

Take off your clothes.

Which way do you like it?

- (GASPS) - My way.

(SINGING) And so he spoke, and so he spoke.

That Lord of Castamere.

But now the rains...

Oberyn.

Weep o'er his hall...

Oberyn, don't.

With no one there to hear.

Yes now the rains weep o'er his hall.

And not a soul to hear.

You lost, friend?

Forgive me for staring.

I don't see many Lannisters where I'm from.

I don't see many Dornishmen in the capital.

We don't like the smell.

- Come with me, lover. - Gods, look at this one.

Sirs, if you follow me, I'll arrange for a private room.

Why are you wasting a woman like this on a Dornishman?

Bring him a shaved goat and a bottle of olive oil.

Hmm.

Do you know why all the world hates a Lannister?

You think your gold

and your lions and your gold lions make you better than everyone.

May I tell you a secret?

You're not a golden lion.

You're just a pink little man who is far too slow on the draw.

Longsword is a bad option in close quarters.

When I pull my blade, your friend starts bleeding.

Quite a lot, I'm afraid. So many veins in the wrist.

He'll live if you get him help straightaway.

So, decisions.

Prince Oberyn, forgive the intrusion. We heard there might be...

Trouble.

Apologies, my love.

I'm here to welcome you to the capital.

Ellaria Sand, my paramour.

The King's own Uncle Imp.

Tyrion, son of Tywin Lannister.

If there's anything I can do to make your stay at King's Landing...

What are you? His hired killer?

It started that way, aye. Now I'm a knight.

How did that come to pass?

Killed the right people.

We'll need a few more girls. Girls, yes?

You don't partake?

Oh, I partook. Now I'm married.

Prince Oberyn, a word in private?

Seems I visited the Lannister brothel by mistake.

- Oh, they take all kinds. - Even Dornishmen.

The King is very grateful that you travelled all this way for his wedding.

Let us speak truth here. Joffrey is insulted.

I am only the second son.

Well, speaking as a fellow second son,

I have grown rather used to being the family insult.

Why did you come to King's Landing?

I was invited to the royal wedding.

I thought we were speaking truth.

The last time I was in the capital was many years ago.

Another wedding.

My sister Elia and Rhaegar Targaryen, the Last Dragon.

My sister loved him. She bore his children.

Swaddled them, rocked them, fed them at her own breast.

Elia wouldn't let the wet nurse touch them.