The Secrets

Mum?

Mum?

Mum?

Mum?

Can I ask you something?

Course you can.

I was wondering if you might help me to die?

What?

Help me call it a day.

I think you've had a bit too much Shiraz, Mum.

I went to see the consultant.

When?

Today.

This morning.

There appears to have been a bit of movement.

What do you mean?

Because the blood flows through the something-or-other...

...Apparently it's found its way to my liver.

Also...

...it...

It turns out I might be a little...

...shorter on time than we thought.

How short is shorter?

- I would have come with you, you know? - I know.

You don't have to give me an answer now.

But I would appreciate it if you gave it some serious thought.

- Oh, come on, Mum, don't be silly. - I'm not.

- Hey, guess what? - What?

No, you've got to guess.

No.

- Can you guess? - No.

I bought a spliff off, er, someone in the pub.

Do you want to smoke it, get stoned...

...like we used to, in the old days?

- I'm six months pregnant. - Nah, it's all right.

- Are you joking? - Nah, you can have a few, can't you?

No.

Once in a while.

You're going to be the least responsible parent ever.

I'm also going to be the coolest, aren't I?

Tony.

Makes me think of Tony Blair.

Horrible.

Erm, what about Graham?

- Bit World War II. - Yeah?

Walter?

Walter? I prefer Graham, I think.

- Yeah? - Thomas?

Nah, too posh.

Barry?

- Yeah, let's go for that. - What's funny about Barry?

- I don't know. - I'm serious. I like Barry.

I don't like Barry.

Er, Stuart?

- What's funny about Stuart? - I don't know.

I've got a cousin called Stuart, you know that.

- No, and he's lovely. - He is lovely, ain't he?

Maybe we should call him Stuart, then.

Shaun?

Mum's cancer's got worse.

You seem very calm. Are you all right?

I think so. And you?

Yes. It's a lot to take in, isn't it?

It is. A little less so the second time.

But there were some positives.

- Every cloud... - There was the palliative care thing...

...nurse, I thought was an interesting idea.

- Mum? - I could murder a pint of IPA.

Oh, you could at least pretend not to ignore the question.

Not to worry if you haven't the time.

I'm meant to be meeting Shaun.

- Oh, never mind. - Well, you can come, too.

Not sure I've got the energy for going out.

Well, how about dinner, then, back at the house?

I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.

At the moment you are, just about, but what happens...

I'd rather wither away in peace...

...than have to make endless small talk with...

This isn't funny.

I wasn't suggesting it was.

The amount of pain you're going to end up in...

...is going to be unbearable.

No-one's suggesting it's going to be easy, Pip.

But I won't be able to look after you.

And nor am I expecting you to.

No, well, actually...

...by not receiving any treatment or accepting any help...

...that is exactly what you are doing.

I think you know perfectly well there is an alternative.

All I'm asking you to think about...

...is having someone drop in on you once or twice a week.

That's all it is.

- That's all I want you to think about. - I understand all that.

I don't want to be driven insane with worry, Mum.

I don't wish to be dying. But there we are.

If you could give them a ring, maybe delivery on Tuesday.

- All right then. - I'd prefer it...

Can I have some help, please?

- Yes, what's happened? - I think he's been hit by a car.

OK. And what's his name? Her name?

- Bob. - Bob. OK. Do you want to come with me...

...and we'll... All right, darling.

We'll have a look. All right?

Where did it happen?

Thank you.

Apparently they have black skin.

Their fur isn't white, it's transparent.

It just reflects the snow.

Mental.

You all right?

Sorry, yeah, I'm fine, just a bit erm...

I ought to go, really.

- Sorry, what were you saying? - Doesn't matter.

- No, go on. - Just...polar bears.

I think you've forgotten the water, Mum.

It's actually surprisingly comfortable.

Is it?

Well, let's have a go. Budge up.

Yeah, it's great.

I spoke to someone. A nurse.

I'm really sorry I shouted at you. I mean it.

How was your day?

Long. I killed a cat.

Intentionally, I hope?

It was in a pretty bad state.

I know the feeling.

You hungry?

Not really.

I've brought sausages. You ought to eat.

Shall we?

If you insist.

Mum, you ought to at least take something for the pain.

I'm fine.

It's ridiculous!

'Shaun Boddy Trees, Shaun speaking.'

- Hi, it's me. - 'Oh, hello.'

Hello. Um, could I ask you...

...to pick up something for Mum on your way home?

'Yeah, yeah, of course. What do you want?'

You know the guy in the pub that you bought the weed from?

Could you get her a bag of weed?

'Get her a bag of weed?'

- Yeah, we're going to try something. - 'OK.

And we might need you to roll it for us.

- 'I can do that for you.' - Thank you.

- 'I'm intrigued.' - Huh?

'I'm intrigued.'

All right. Well, see you later.