Futurama

♪ Two... two, three...

Good news, everyone!

Well? What is it?

What is what?

Oh! Right!

Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be delivering this mysterious crate to Peebles Alpha.

Peebles Alpha? The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers?

Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it.

I have no idea, Leela.

But I'll tell you the same thing they told me...

Stop asking questions, old man, and we'll slip you an extra five grand

that your crew doesn't need to know about.

Now, listen carefully.

This planet is controlled by two rival gangs...

the Blips and the Cruds.

You can tell them apart by their colors... red and blue.

Which gang's red, and which gang's blue?

Both!

The delivery is going to the Blips, so when you meet them,

you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.

Not these jerseys.

Because if you're wearing these, you'll be killed on the spot.

Okay, here are your jerseys.

No, wait. Here.

No. Wait...

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious?

Nope. He's too dumb, and I don't care.

Well, I'm smart, and I care too much.

I want to know what's in that crate.

But we're not allowed to open it!

I know that! Go get me a crowbar.

Please, use mine.

I just need it in case, uh, Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey.

And in the meantime, if I should happen

to bump into the crate and open it... whoopsie!

Bender: Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey!

Oh, bother.

Not now!

What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms?

Firearms!

That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence.

Before we deliver these weapons,

we're going to disable them so they can never be used.

Bender, bend the barrels.

But I love guns!

Then pretend they're little human necks.

What?! Let me at 'em!

A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard.

Okay. I hope I never see you again.

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood.

There might be spiders!

We must have made a wrong turn.

We should have reached Blip turf by now.

You think we walked straight out of Blipton?

Wait, there's some Blips.

Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds!

They have the red on the left.

Oh, no! What should we do?

Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs!

Turn your jersey inside out.

Oh. Show me again.

Yo, what you doing on our turf?

Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang.

We Cruds.

Well, we Blips, and we over here.

We put up that mirror because this is a blind intersection.

It's considerably reduced the number of accidents.

It don't do nothing for the murder rate, though.

Now get down on your knees so we can blow your Crud brains out!

Um, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess

what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face,

and you said I'd probably crap my pants?

- Well... - Excuse me, Sir?

We're not actually Blips or Cruds.

We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate.

So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight?

Oh, it's far from a'ight.

Man: Now, hold up!

It's a'ight, all right?

It's a Crud, and he's got a gun!

Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror.

It was self-defense.

We are the Cruds, but we're over here.

And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us.

- What?! - Huh?

For real?

There's been enough violence on these streets.

Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.

So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust.

Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy.

- Giant spiders. - I knew it!

Man, that's a nice gesture.

We accept your offer of peace.

Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons.

I'll test it out on that innocent bystander.

Ow!

Yo, you just shot yourself again!

It's a trick! Get 'em!

Ow. Oh.

Look, let's just agree that gang violence

is an important issue with no easy answers.

Okay.

Anyway, the ship's still here.

- And nothing was stolen. - Bender: Yeah it was!

I got bot-jacked!

All I have left is my cigar.

Wait...

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes.

I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking.

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed.

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him.

Female voice : Locating... locating...

Male voice: Located.

It's a robot chop shop.

That's some primordial evil.

This Skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down,

and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

Naw, it's just a piece of junk.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head!

My head?! Slap me upside it!

Ah, home, sweet head.

That's it? Where's the rest of him?

All other parts sold.

But I have list of buyers.

You drop charges, I give you list.

No dice. Justice don't work that way.

Wait. Wait.

What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer?

Hmm...

Thanks for all your help, officer!

My pleasure.

Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts.

I didn't even know you had a wishbone.

I had a lot of magic things.

And we'll never get them all back.

Oh, sure we will.

If we live a really long time.

Let's get started.

Come in, come in.

Close the door. You're letting the smut out.

Bender: All right, buddy.

We know for a fact that you received a stolen item.

A certain sensitive part of my Anatomy.

What, you mean your antenna?

Shh! Watch your language.

This ain't a church, lady.

Except for tax purposes.

Anyway, I can't help you.

One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna.

Oh, excuse me... Robo-Dong.

Who was it? Can you give us a name?

Certainly not.

I could never betray a customer's privacy.

All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

I'll get right to the point, Senator.

You purchased our friend's...

: Antenna.

We'd like it back.

You may have it. I'm through with it.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable.

You may want to get it disinfected.

Can do.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg.

It's my body.

Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty?

Fair enough. Fry, beer me.

It's empty!

I'm 40% back, baby!

Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck...

With the cards...

And with the ladies.

Sir!

But those are my arms!

That's Gropey, and that's Cheaty.

Cheaty?!

Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can...

Oh!

Well, then, I'll just collect my winnings and be on my...