Slugs (Slugs: muerte viscosa)

So you weren't kidding when you said we were going fishing, huh?

That's what I said, darn it!

Look, this is boring. Let's go swimming or something.

It's cold. Besides, we passed a sewer outlet on the way here.

Please! They don't dump the sewers in this lake!

- They get the water from it. - Whoa! Hey!

There's something slimy down there. I don't like it.

Oh, you're trying to scare me.

- Hey! - Oh! Wayne?

Come on, Wayne.

Cut it out. You're crazy.

Wayne... Wayne?

Wayne, you're making me nervous. Come on.

Will you just stop kidding around?

If you don't stop, I'm just gonna row away.

Come on, Wayne.

Move it, scumbag!

- (HORN HONKS) - You son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

Hey, hey, Case, come over here. Come here, Casey.

You're a good dog. You see that, Casey? Did you see that?

Them goddamn kids could've killed me, but they didn't. I survived.

Come on, we'll grab a couple of snorts,

and you'll cry on my shoulder, and I'll cry on yours.

Come on, come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Come on.

Come on, come on.

Oh, oh, OK.

You want a swig, huh? You want a swig?

Come on in. What's the matter? You don't like my house?

It ain't good enough for you, huh?

Oh, shut up, you goddamn mongrel!

"Eviction notice. Last warning."

You assholes.

Ugh! (SPITS)

Shit! Ugh!

No, no! No! Get off! Not at me! No!

Hey, don't spill any, buddy.

- Just in time. I'm very sorry, ma'am.

- Your beer, sir. - Thank you.

- Mmm. - Come on, Maureen.

Slow up a little, eh?

Excuse me for trying to have a good time.

- You wanna dance? - Uh-uh.

What about you, Mike? Wanna boogie?

Oh, no thanks, Maureen. I'm not much of a dancer.

- That's for sure. Terrific!

Another fun-filled night in Ashton. Hmm!

The armpit of America and centre of boredom for planet Earth, right, honey?

- I think we better go. - You know, I think you're right.

I've got to see Sheriff Reese in the morning at Ron Bell's house.

- See you all. - Bye.

- See you, Mike. Bye, Kim. - Good night.

- Mike! - Hey, Don! How are you?

I'm fine. You guys aren't leaving, are you?

Yeah, I've got an early appointment first thing in the morning.

Oh, Don, this is my wife, Kim. Kim, Don.

- How do you do, Kim? - Nice to meet you.

- And this is my wife, Maria. - Hello.

Hi, Maria. Nice to see you. Uh, Don's our county sanitation supervisor.

Uh-huh.

Which is just a college-educated way of saying that I crawl round in sewers,

and that I get paid about a quarter of what I made as a plumber.

Good to meet you.

Funny, but you don't look anything like the Wicked Bitch of the North to me.

What?

I'm Rick and Danny's mother.

Oh! Oh, oh. They're in my junior and senior classes.

They don't like my homework.

- You're sure I can't buy you a drink? - Oh, no. No thanks.

- We'll see you all later. - Good night. Nice to see you.

- Bye. - Nice to meet you. Bye-bye.

Michael? - Yeah?

Do you think Maureen's attractive?

She drinks too much.

That's not what I mean.

Do you like?

Yeah. Very much.

Mmm. Also, don't forget I'm known as the Wicked Bitch of the North.

I won't forget.

- So, Teacher... - Mmm...

What do you say we start our homework?

Mary Anne, I can't just drop everything here, and come home to kill a few snails.

Snails, slugs. What the hell's the difference? Baby, I'll see you tonight.

- Morning, Mr Brady. - Good morning, Dobbs.

You're late, Brady.

Uh, go right in.

Give me a break, Sheriff. It's two minutes after eight.

That's right, son. After eight. Our appointment was for eight o'clock.

I got a lot more important things to do than spend my time evicting drunks.

Great. I get your point.

Let's take my car.

Sheriff, you don't mind if I smoke, do you?

I sure as hell do, Brady.

You can muck up your own lungs, but don't mess with mine, goddamnit.

- Today's your lucky day, Brady. - Oh, really? Why's that?

Littering's a $500 fine in this state. Don't let me catch you doing it again.

Sheriff, you know what they found in those candies you're eating?

- Rat shit and maggots' eggs. - (SPITS)

Oh, but Sheriff, littering! It's a $500 fine.

Son of a bitch.

It doesn't even look like anyone lives here.

We'll see about that.

There's an open window.

Whew. Look at all this shit.

Man, what stinks like that?

Oh, my God.

Saw nothing like it before. Not even in 'Nam.

Something ate the sucker's eyes right out.

Not only that, the coroner said his liver, kidneys and heart are all gone, too.

- Dobbs, get out of my sight! - Huh?

I said get lost! Damn it!

Sheriff... I'm gonna go back in there.

OK, but don't touch anything.

So, Sheriff, what do you think?

I don't know. Wild dogs maybe. Racoons driven out of the hills by the cold.

I don't buy that.

Something that big would've done a lot more damage to the inside of the house.

What's your bright idea, Mr Health Inspector?

Oh, rats maybe.

Rats? You willing to go on record with that?

How can I do that? I'm not sure that it's rats.

Well, there's finally something you're not sure of. Fancy that!

Excuse me, Mr Brady. Sorry, but it's that woman on the phone again for you.

- What woman? - Florence Fortune. Called four times.

What does she want?

Something about the sewers being backed up.

Oh, Jesus! Now since when are the goddamn sewers my business?

Tell her to... to call the Sanitation Department.

Those guys get paid just like we do.

I'm not an idiot, Mr Brady. I've already told her that, but she won't listen.

All right, I'm sorry. Put her on the phone.

Yeah. Yes, it's Mike Brady.

Yes, ma'am.

No, ma'am.

Why don't you just give me your address then, OK?

- She called the Health Department, too? - You got it?

- Come on. I'll show you how to do this. - Great.

It's gonna be a piece of cake. - Oh, yeah.

- Hi, ma'am... - You took your sweet time!

- Hi, Mike Brady. I'd... - I don't care who you are.

I want something done about that smell.

I'm not on welfare. I pay my taxes.

Do you suppose we could start at the beginning?

We can start anywhere you want, young man.

As long as we end up getting results!

Didn't you hear about it? It was awful.

Whatever got him ate his eyes right out of his head.

Or what used to be his head. His face was all bloody...

For God sakes, Madge, that's enough. I don't wanna hear any more.

So, we're done. Are you going off to the moon or going down in the sewer?

You'd be... You'd be surprised at the similarities.

There's more methane down there than there is on some of the planets.

Mmm. That's why you got on the cute mask, huh?

That's one of the reasons.

I've got another suit in the truck if you wanna come down with me.

Oh, no thanks. I'm not big on the tight spaces.

Ah, well, I guess that's why they pay me the big bucks.

I guess so.

And what exactly do you do, hmm?

Right, any thoughts on how Romeo and Juliet might've solved their problems?

Pam.

Well, I think they should've talked to their parents about it, you know.

Like, if they would have been honest with their feelings,

maybe their parents would have understood.

- Fat chance. - You have something to add, Donna?

Oh, no, Mrs Brady.

Well... parents never seem to listen to their kids,

unless it's when we're agreeing with something they've just said.

- (BELL RINGS) - Hold on. Not so fast.

I want Act Ill read by tomorrow, and be prepared for a ten-minute quiz.

The Wicked Bitch strikes again.

- Hi, beautiful. How are you? - Hi, honey.

- All right. - Where's for lunch?

Well, I had one hell of a morning, and I'm not too hungry.

Besides, I've gotta check these new houses after we eat.

Oh, I heard about Ron Bell. Do you wanna talk about it?

Not if you wanna enjoy your lunch, I don't.

# You're with me every single day and every night

# I dream of when you're gone... #