Charlie and His Two Chicks (Charlie et ses deux nénettes)

-Do you have any qualifications? -No.

-Not even the school diploma? -Well, no.

Why? I need a diploma to carry cases of Coke?

Having a diploma never hurt anyone.

I'm sorry, I don't have one.

You want to know where I was on the day of the exam?

I was fishing with a friend.

And on exam day I went to see a dirty movie.

-Do you have any ID? -Sure thing.

There.

It's out of date.

Yeah, and?

Get it reissued, or come back with a passport.

Are you nuts? You can see it's me on the front.

It's more than enough to fill in that form.

Are you single? Married?

Single.

Do you have a wedding ring?

Yes, I'm single, I wear a ring, now piss off.

Any more questions?

Daft cow.

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY

Are you laughing at me like that?

Why not take a picture? It'll last longer.

Say, mister. My sister and I are looking for work.

Do you know where we might find some?

Right here.

We just had an argument with a secretary in there.

You too?

It's the third time. We never bring the right paperwork.

-You're looking for work? -No, I just came to take a look.

-What do you do for work? -I don't.

I'm a hairdresser. She works in sales.

And you're out of work?

-We got ourselves fired. -That's no good at all.

She slapped her manager.

She slapped both her boss and his wife.

Why?

He kept touching me with his fat fingers.

Mine said they saw me with my hands in the till.

We always copy each other's behavior anyway.

-D'you think we look alike? -Huh?

Sure… I guess maybe a little.

Do you have a minute?

Sure.

How about having a chat in the cafe? That might be better, eh?

Well?

-If you like. -Let's go, then.

There's a cafe over there.

So, you're looking for work.

We can't seem to stay in one place.

-Why? -No idea.

We'd like to so something else, but we don't know what.

I chose to be a hairdresser, thinking it would be fun.

Same for me and sales.

I don't mind cutting hair, but the old biddies…

-Are they a pain? -You sure have to be patient.

They never stop talking about stuff, their periods, their abortions,

problems with their lovers, and husbands.

After they've asked me to take their dog for a piss.

Josyane will tell you.

She's worked with me twice now.

The first time was in Neuilly at a salon.

I asked her to come help rinsing. We were gone in three days.

We couldn't handle it.

-The best one was in Belleville. -That was crazy!

We were working in the men's underwear department.

All day, the oldies would ask for underwear recommendations.

We managed to get them to try on women's underwear.

We had so much fun that they gave us the boot.

It's funny that at your age, you don't have a job.

-You think? -Guys your age all have one.

Well, not me.

What's up with that?

-You don't want to say? -No, it's fine.

I had a job.

I ran my own company.

And?

I got tired of it one day, so I sold the lot.

Why's that?

I got fed up.

-What kind of business was it? -A bike shop.

Semi-wholesale, with my wife.

And your wife, what about her?

She remarried, and runs a shop now.

And are you happy?

I have more freedom.

-So, you don't have a full-time job? -No.

I tried my hand at a few things, but none of it worked.

-It isn't easy. -You don't think.

How old are you?

-Twenty. -I'm nineteen.

-You live with your parents? -Yes.

I'm from Créteil, and she's from Raincy.

-And what are you doing now? -Nothing.

Lunch together sound good?

Damn it, I can't, I have to make lunch for someone.

-How about you? -I'm going with her.

-Do you need a lift? -Okay, sure.

Good job I remembered. I nearly forgot.

It's my granddad. I have to prepare his food.

Normally my mother does it, but she's on calls today.

Noon. I have to go. Can we go now?

As you wish.

-Is this one yours? -Yes.

-It's really nice. -Go on, jump in.

I like it. You can really fit a lot in here.

Anything I like.

-So, we're going to Créteil, right? -Yes, please.

-Does the radio work? -No, it's broken.

What do your parents do for work?

Dad works on the metro, and mum in a hospital.

My dad works at the post office, and mum in a cafeteria.

And you don't want to be like them?

Metro, sleep, back to work, no thanks!

-Any holidays planned this year? -Of course.

-Whereabouts? -The same place as always.

-St. Tropez? -Ah! This guy's crazy.

Do we look like St. Tropez girls to you? It's pretty rubbish, I heard.

Our friends go every year. They rabbit on about it.

St. Trop here, St. Trop there, it was like this, it was like that…

And my ass, is that St. Trop, too?

It's totally outdated.

We go to St-Quay-Portrieux, in Brittany.

What hick-town is that?

It's not a hick-town, it's a seaside resort.

It's okay, but we want to try somewhere new.

Maybe overseas.

Before the holidays, we met a guy who wanted to take us to Spain.

And?

He wanted us to send the lift back to him.

I didn't get it, but she did.

Roger wanted to break his nose.

-And who's Roger? -Our friend.

Careful, the trench is out. Make sure to step on the boards.

Come in.

Hi, Granddad. I've brought some friends.

Please, sit down.

I'll heat up his soup. Josyane, could you get the cutlery?

You were right, the cupboard's full.

Sardines in oil, ragu, saucisson.

See, I told you.

-What's wrong with him? -He's paralyzed.

Say whatever you like, he won't understand a thing.

Who's that guy?

I don't know. Don't you think he looks like Gerard?

You're crazy, he's way too old.

-Who is it then? -Don't know.

In any case, I've heard dying cats sing better.

You like singers?

Depends. We prefer pop music.

English groups are awful.

-The Shadow Boys, you know them? -Nope.

-And The Electric Childs? -Nope.

You know nothing then?

That guy looks like a right gay.

Wasn't Roger meant to pop by this afternoon?

Yeah. Oh well, I'll be out.

You had something planned?

No, someone was supposed to pop by.

-Are you far away? -No, ten kilometers before Rouen.

We're going to Faubourg St-Martin for the dresser. Then we're off.

How much do you make for one of those?

I'll pay 1,050 for it and sell it on for 2,000.

That's amazing!

Sometimes it works out even better than that.

Sometimes I'll make 3,000 on a single item.

Great. Put it down over here.

-The old guy's got some cash to spend. -It's presents day.

I don't want to sound rude, but those hats don't suit you.

That's why it's funny!

If you had as much money as him, what would you buy?

I'd buy a massive house, and I'd move in my whole family.

And then what?

I'd go wandering. I'd travel the world.

I'd do the same. You see, we've always got the same ideas.

Damn it, not again!

What's the problem?

I don't know. It did this to me two days ago.

We're about to break down. What fun.

Are you a good mechanic?

I haven't the first clue, aside from fixing bikes.

That's unlucky.

-I'm sure it's coming from this. -I think it's this.

Well, I've got a feeling it's the ignition.

If it's the ignition, then it's no problem!

It might be nothing at all, but that doesn't mean I can fix it.

I need a garage.

Ah, shit!

I'll try again, but I'm not sure it'll work.

There's no need to force the matter.

Let's get going.

-Can we come with you? -Of course. You should, in fact.

There's no guarantee of a quick fix.

You see, it's a good thing we broke down.

My dad says roadside cafes serve the best food.

-You often go to the restaurant? -Once a year.

-What do you like to eat? -I love paella.

When I'm rich, I'll eat one a day.

I really like salmon.