Breaking In

So let me get this straight...

You can hack into the FBI mainframe

and put the hamburglar on the most wanted list,

but you...

But I managed to lock my keys in my car.

Yes, we've established that.

Can you stop making fun of me and help me break in?

Why don't I just teach you?

I don't need... A-actually,

it's a good idea to learn new things.

You think you're so cool, don't you?

Yeah, I do.

You're pretty cool.

Melon ball!

Hey!

Hi, baby!

You left your celly in my ride.

Mm. How am I supposed to text you my love haikus?

Hey, there he is. My girl's asexual bestie.

Totally nonthreatening. I love this guy.

What's with the suit?

Well, Dutch got a new job at a nonprofit.

Yeah, we, uh, we build wells in countries ravaged by poverty.

And the most fulfilling part...

I get crazy paid!

Dollar dollar bills, y'all!

Yeah.

Hey, a hybrid?

What happened to your gas guzzler?

Going green, Broheim.

Yeah, I saw this intense movie

about how we're killing our planet.

"An Inconvenient Truth"?

"Water World."

Yeah, the great Kevin Costner plays this fish dude.

Really opened my eyes. So... I bought this puppy.

Then I ripped out all that electric crap,

dropped in an ass-ton of ponies.

Well, I gotta Michael Bolton. Giddyap!

Isn't he the best?

That guy is the worst! What does she see in him?

I mean... when it comes to romance, the man is a God.

You should see the epic stunts he pulls.

Oh, my God! I can't believe you made us our own muppets!

Yep, only took me six months to hand-stitch.

Check it! Oh!

Now let's party!

Whoo!

Just no way to compete with that.

Listen, love is a numbers game, okay?

I'm with Melanie ten hours a day.

Dutch gets the rest of her time, but she needs

eight hours of sleep, plus time for showering, working out,

miscellaneous body maintenance.

That means Dutch only gets to see her 3.8 hours a day tops.

Yeah, but don't they spend most of that time going to pound town?

Hey, we on for hoagies today?

It's a date. Numbers game!

Pound town!

Paper jam on tray nine? Where are the first eight trays?

Just call the tech, and he'll fix it.

No need, baby. Gadget man is right here.

No. Oz specifically told you not to.

Every time you try and fix something, you go way too far.

Dude, my stuff. What did we discuss about the pranks?

Wasn't me. They even took your ergonomic chair.

It's from Oz?

I've been moved to the I.T. annex?

Ugh. God, those guys are creepos.

Oz, we gotta talk.

Hey, there's my guy.

How's your morning going?

Not well. I just came from the I.T. annex,

where you moved my desk.

I don't want to be in there with the computer monkeys.

But you are a computer monkey.

Not like them!

I like your face. You have a sister?

No.

How about a wig?

I believe that your skills are best served behind a desk,

not out in the field.

What?! I do great out there.

This is ridiculous, and you know it!

What's ridiculous is you spending all your time

focused on your little numbers game with Melanie.

How did you... that's not...

It doesn't matter. I'm still focused.

I always do whatever it takes.

Really? Remember Cash's shoulder?

It dislocates all the time. Just pop it back in.

Come on. Pop it back in!

Okay. Oh, it's like a wet noodle. Oh!

That's just a bad example.

Come on, you know I always do what it takes.

Let's put this theory to the test.

Tase yourself in the face.

What?

Come on. You said you're willing to do whatever it takes.

It's for the job. Prove it. Put some fuzz on those kiwis.

Okay, they're... they're plenty fuzzy,

and what does that have to do with me getting my job done?

I'm hearing a lot of yap yap and not a lot of zap zap!

That's crazy. Nobody would do that.

Josh, tase yourself in the face. It's for work.

Roger that.

Now there's a guy who gets things done.

Now if you don't mind, my 2:00 appointment is here.

You just scoot along back to your nerd cave.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Is it a new client?

I'll do whatever it takes to get the job done.

I swear, I'll crush it.

Let's see what you're made of, champ. Client's waiting.

Hey, I'm Cameron. I'll be handling your job.

Hey, man. Jimmie. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too. So, uh, what do you do?

I'm a driver. Oh, you're the limo driver.

I'm sorry. I-I thought you were the client.

Prom's coming up. Busy time for you,

huh? So, um, how much do you know about NASCAR?

You mean the one where the guys with the mullets

drive around in a circle and call it a sport?

Not a fan.

Why do you ask?

Holy balls!

Ho ho ho ho!

NASCAR superstar Jimmie Johnson!

Number 48 in the flesh! Oh!

It's Superman. I can't believe this is happening.

Yeah, I can't either. This is crazy. Racecars!

Get 'er done!

Hey, man, we're testing out at auto club speedway this week.

You're clearly a fan.

Why don't you come out and, you know, see what we do?

Oh! I'm more than a fan, man.

You're my second favorite human on the planet

right after the guy who invented boobs!

Classy. Dutch, why are you here?

Double J., looking good.

How are you, bro? Good to see you, O-Dog. Whoo!

It's quite a crew you got here.

Yeah, they're an eclectic bunch.

I don't know what he's doing here.

Oh. Oh, actually, I-I don't work here.

See, I got a sweet new job at a nonprofit.

We build wells.

Yeah, he's a saint.

Mr. Johnson, whatever you need, no matter big or small,

I will get 'er done.

No one says that.

Very excited to work with you, sir.

Come on, Jimmie. I'll show you my office.

Is it weird I got a boner?

Our newest client... one Jimmie Johnson,

best known for being... being

5-time consecutive NASCAR Sprint Cup champion

and the Associated Press' Athlete of the Year 2009.

Looky here. Someone figured out how to type "NASCAR"

into their little computer machine-y.

Just doing what it takes to win.

Fun fact... NASCAR's largest growing fan demographic... Latinos.

Another fun fact... Shutty.

Mm. Now all NASCAR communication between the driver

and the crew chief is on a secure channel.

Look what happened on lap 37. 27 coming up on your side.

Mid-race, Jimmie's comm channel was taken over by that music.

Jimmie had to finish second place.

And for Jimmie, there is no second place.

Now the only people with access to radios were Jimmie's crew.

So you think he's got a mole on his team?

Well, at least he doesn't have a mole on his lug nuts.

Doopa, doopa, what! What!

Ha ha! Come on. Gimme...that... Self-shutty.

Your job is to infiltrate the crew,

set up hidden security cameras,

and figure out who did this.

Not a problem. Okay, so we've got a mole.

It could be anyone, so we've gotta stay under the radar.

What?

Do you have a sweatshirt or cargo pants? Maybe...

Ah, we can make it work.

Does that feel good? Right in the sweet spot.

Hey. Hey. I told you to stop fixing things around here.

I know, I know, but hear me out.

Look, I gave the copier a fully robotic brain.

So now it has a F.P.G.A. neural cluster with monster computing power.

Can it still make copies?

It's a work in progress. I'm fixing it.

Good God, is it possible?

I did it.

I finally did it!

Yes!

Okay,

here are the bullet cams Cash designed.

Now Dutch said we should really try to blend in

before making our first move.

I appreciate Dutch's help,

but I was online all night researching NASCAR.

I think I'll blend in just fine.

Hey. You all right?