Deinfluencer

Hey guys, it's Kelly.

Hey guys, it's Kelly.

Hey guys, it's Kelly.

Hey guys, it's Kelly.

Hey guys, it's Kelly.

Hey guys, it's Kelly.

Help!

Someone get me out of here!

Help!

Stop!

Stop, stop!

Help!

Help!

Someone get me out of here!

Help! Help!

Stop!

You must be Kelly.

No, no.

Help!

Help, someone get me out of here, please help.

You must be Kelly.

What do you want?

You must be Kelly.

You must be Kelly.

What do you want, you freak?

- You must be Kelly. You must be Kelly.

- Listen to me, you fucking asshole-

You must be Kelly!

- You must- - Yes, yes!

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm Kelly.

Kelly.

Nice to meet you. It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Charles.

- Pleased to meet you too, Charles.

Pleased to meet you too.

Do you know what that was?

No, I don't.

- We were being polite to each other.

It's a courtesy, Kelly.

We made one positive presumptive notion

that it was nice to meet each other even when we don't

know each other.

Do you know what somebody my age has to do

to get some undivided attention from you?

I got to tie you up. I got to kidnap you.

That's how I make you focus.

What do you want?

- I want to release you from this prison.

- I politely request you to tell me what it is you want

from me.

- All right, I'll cut to the chase;

you're an influencer, right?

Yeah, I guess.

You guess?

You guess?

You have 467,493, followers right now.

You're an influencer or not?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And I would like you to think of me as a de-influencer.

- That's why you're wearing a mask?

That's for your protection.

That ugly, huh?

Start listening!

Start listening like your life depends on it, Kelly,

cause it does!

- You're going to kill me anyways.

Am I?

Yeah.

- Really? - Yeah.

And how do you know that?

- Because no one would go that far

just to release them after.

- Oh, I didn't say you wouldn't have to earn your freedom,

Kelly, you do.

But your freedom is possible.

Unharmed, I promise.

How?

Well, just be yourself.

I am myself.

No, the real you. This you.

What?

Who's that?

It's me.

- Don't be stupid, Kelly, who's that?

Who is it?

It's me.

- No, but it's it's not, is it? Look at it.

It's a more airbrushed,

filtered, like romantic soft version of you.

It's not the real you.

You that manipulates little girls

into thinking that they need to look this beautiful

on the outside with nothing on the inside.

I wish those little girls could see you now.

Not so soft. Look at that hard look in your eyes.

Looking at that weapon on the floor, wondering if you could

get to that pipe, maybe beat me to death with it.

Maybe escape out of here.

You think those lies, about how soft you are,

are better than the cold hard truth?

They're not.

It's not soft.

So why do you project that lie

when the truth is much more interesting?

- Pretty please with a fucking cherry on top.

What the fuck do you want?

- Kelly, I just want to collaborate with you.

Help!

Please, I'm in here!

Fuck!

Help!

Shit.

Please!

Please!

Shit.

- Do not attempt to escape, Kelly;

if you do expect nothing less than a bullet in your head.

You're wasting precious time, Kelly.

Take the fucking picture.

- No, Kelly. We're not looking for a proof of life.

This isn't some ransom request.

What?

- Take one of your normal photos.

Something worth 1,000 likes.

Come on, play the game.

No.

No, no.

I've just been kidnapped, I'm not going to post just

a casual selfie.

What are you so worried about?

The number of followers you have has jumped by thousands.

It's going to make taking this kind of photo

easier and easier.

- You're messing with people's mind.

Acting all normal. Who does that?

- Messing with people's minds, isn't that what you do

on social media all day long?

This is messed up.

- Play the game. Something worth 1,000 likes.

You know what?

Fuck this shit.

This is disappointing.

Now I'm going to have to escalate things.

No!

Hey, what the fuck did you do?

Answer me, what did you do?

- A lesson. I taught you a lesson.

What?

- I need you to engage with your task.

My task?

1,000 likes in an hour.

Christ, Kelly, you have half a million followers,

have you any idea how easy a thousand likes from that

would be?

But what did you do?

Hey, what did you do?

Nothing.

So what?

So I took a toe.

You did what?

- You can live a perfectly normal life with nine toes.

I'm sure lots of people do it.

- What did you do that? What do you need?

Do you need followers? What do you need?

- Not followers; listen, Kelly, likes.

I need likes from your account.

This is your audience.

I need you to show me

that you can get a message out there

and they will react to it.

- Look, I get it, as you may be all new to this, granddad,

but I shouldn't be judged on how many likes,

I should be judged on how many followers I get.

This is what you need from me, right?

- Not followers, you're not listening, Kelly.

Likes. And I don't need them, you need them.

These are likes from your account.

We're going to post from your account.

This is your audience, you should be cherishing them.

They're the most important thing in the world to you.

- I don't give a shit about followers.

My followers are the most important thing

in the world to me.

My followers are the most important thing

in the world to me.

All right, stop!

Jesus Christ.

Do you understand me now?

- I understand that you're fucking sick in the head

and now you're got to fucking kill me, so fuck off!

Easy, easy.

You're straining yourself.

You're going to rip the stitches in your foot.

- Good. Then hopefully I'll bleed out.

You can't escape this.

You're a liar.

I will never lie to you. Ever.

You're going to kill me.