Up All Night

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Both: Aah! Wooo!

So friggin' awesome, right?

I love you, babe.

Aw, I love you too, honey.

Yeah!

Woo!

Oh, dude, what's the noise for?

Well, this pizza's a goner.

You want to order Chinese or Indian?

What, and wait 20 minutes for it to be delivered?

No, honey, I'll never make it that long.

All right, then I say

that we go with frozen tupperware surprise.

Whatever you say, baby.

Well, here we are. Another boring-ass Friday night.

- Yeah, it's Saturday. - Oh, it is?

Last night we ate cereal, watched half a judging Amy,

then I clipped my toenails, then you clipped your toenails.

Well, our feet are ready to party,

but here we are sitting at home.

Honey, we are in a rut, seriously.

I mean, when was the last time we went anywhere?

It's been a while. I'm going to say... fireworks.

The fourth of July? That was like three months ago.

We didn't even make it.

We came home, we youtubed "fireworks."

Aw, man!

We need a Saturday night out.

Yeah, I know.

What kind of soup is this?

Cream of breast milk.

Ah, that's so gross.

Hello.

Honey, look who's here.

Vanessa, Amy's most favoritest babysitter

that we loved and trusted above anybody else.

Hi, Mr. Brinkley.

Oh, please, Mr. Brinkley is Billy Joel's ex-father-in-law.

Call me Chris.

I thought you were babysitting for the pearlmans.

Yes, she was, but Allie and Steve are divorcing,

so she is available again.

That is awesome...

ly upsetting for every... all parties.

It's just so sad.

So I was saying to Vanessa how impossible it's been

for us to find a good babysitter for Saturday nights.

We haven't had one in months.

But I also told her that we would give her

back to the pearlmans, like, in a second

if it would keep them together.

Right?

- Right? Right? - Yeah.

Oh, Allie and Steve, why?

- Why, right? Why? - I know.

- Why? - They seemed so great.

I'm sorry, dude.

If the cranberries are playing, I'm singing.

No, I just... I found out Connie's dating someone.

Like, seriously dating.

Some guy that owns a chain of ski shops...

The kind that look like chalets.

It's bugging me more than I thought it would.

You guys were married for six years... of course it hurts.

She added "outdoors" to her interests on Facebook.

That bastard's brainwashing her.

It's hard to move on. I get it.

To me it sounds like she's got you

seriously, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

All right, listen, you have to rise above, dude.

Find somebody new.

You know what, I might have the perfect girl for you.

Our babysitter Vanessa.

She's cute, funny, studying to be a cpa,

which means she could eventually do your taxes.

All things I like in a girlfriend.

Yeah, she's great.

You know, I think you guys would really hit it off.

Cool. Thanks, Chris.

we are out, baby.

Without a baby! Um, hi, there.

I would like to have your strongest

and fruitiest drink, please.

And in a novelty cup like a tiki or a Buddha.

Something like that.

Just whatever holds the most amount of vodka.

And I will have a Martini, dirty.

- Also in a Buddha. - Buddha, nice.

Yeah, great call on the cab, babe.

Right? You know what?

Let me, um, text Vanessa right quick.

Oh, come on, babe, Vanessa is awesome and Amy is fine.

So just phone down and drink up.

And... done. There, drink on, baby.

Oh, there's Ava and Jerry.

- Hi. - Oh, Jerry.

Don't... Be nice, okay?

Ava's very excited. This is their first night date.

I can't believe we don't have any veto power over Ava's dates,

that there's not like a kill switch or something.

- Here they are. - Hello, brinkleys.

- Hey! - Hey, the Brinkley family.

- Hi. - How are you?

There's my dawg, Chris t.

Oh, God, Jerry and I just had the most exhilarating

hot yoga sesh.

It's the best yoga studio in all of L.A.

My buddy kresh plays live sitar there,

and today he was just wailing.

He was like...

Hey, so how sweet is this, right?

What do we decide on?

Fantastic four, fab four, or four horsemen?

Oh, we were kind of going no name, like,

just no-naming it.

- Nothing is good. Yeah. - Nothing's great.

Oh, no way! My buddy is the bartender.

He's gonna totally hook us up.

We used to play disc golf together.

I'm gonna get you a dirty Martini.

Are you into the gin?

I love the gin. Yummy.

Danny broth, you old frisbee-tossing sack of turds.

Honey, you hate gin.

I only hate gin because it tastes like pine-sol.

And Jerry told me that I have a very naive palate.

He's really opened me up to so many wonderful things.

Plus, I love that Jerry knows so much about everything.

- I think he's my satsang. - What's a satsang?

It's yoga for "truth company."

Well, a satsang says so much.

- I'm getting another. - Hey, man.

Uh, was there actual vodka in this? Because we need more.

My God, has alcohol gotten "strongler" or what?

Has it got... did I say, "strongler"?

It's been a while since I boozed it up,

and it's definitely working on me.

Honey, is it weird that 'nessa hasn't texted me back yet?

I'm going to text her really quickly.

"How's Amy?"

Oh, my God, it just auto-corrected to "anus".

"How's anus?" It's not funny.

It sent it, I sent it.

Mmm, calamari. My faves.

Mmm, mine too. Nummers.

Mmm-eww-oh. Oh, I just like to...

Mmm, hold it in my mouth...

Just for a little bit... Blah!

- Both: Oh! - Oh!

Oh, that's okay. It's tricky.

Ava, please, just be yourself.

Will you just tell him that you hate calamari?

What? No. Reagan.

That... That is, uh...

With a passion. I hate it so much.

Ava, you don't have to do things you don't like

just to impress me.

What I like most about you is you.

- Aw. - Gross.

That is so sweet.

I really hate gin too.

Well, then you should just order whatever you want, babe.

Great. Pinot greej, rocks, pilsner glass. Go.

Did she text you back?

- What's going on, seriously? - I don't know.

I think that maybe the anus auto-correct thing,

like, freaked her out or something.

Why is she not texting me back? What's going on?

Oh, my God, what's happening?

- There might have been a tragedy. - We gotta get outta here.

- Oh, my God, we got to go. - What?

Sorry, we got to get out of here, you guys.

All right, excuse me. You have to move!

- There's this emergency. - All right, sweetie.

- I'll call you. - There's an emergency!

'Scuse me. Oh, wait. You know what?

I do need... these'll look really good holding our toothbrushes.

Or even pens. Or just, you know, like...

- Chris! Oh, my God! - Right, we gotta go.

Scott? What are you doing here?

Get your things off of each other.

- What is going on here? - We're just eating popcorn.

Hey, come on. They're just having popcorn.

What are you doing in my house

with your mouth on my babysitter?

She's supposed to be here alone focusing on

taking care of my child.

You know what, Vanessa, I've been texting you.

I texted you.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, my gosh.

Chris, Vanessa's great.

Wait a minute, wha...

You set them up?

Who's... uh...

I guess I did, technically.