Flame

Let's go have a little drink.

What's that? Wife's wedding present?

Let me in there... I wanna get in first!

All right, chaps? How are ya, eh? God bless.

- Have a drink, eh? - Thanks mate.

Yeah, cheers.

- What do you think you're doing? - What's he doing?

Goodbye!

- Look after the gear! - Watch him!

They was 'round for you dinner time. Said you were six weeks behind.

Said they'd be back Friday, so you'd better have your pay handy.

Can't expect us to keep them off your back forever!

- Did you hear what I said? He wants those drums back. - Well he ain't having them.

- Where do you think you're going with that lot then? - - Out.

Out? You haven't even been in yet!

Say hello to your father.

Hello to your father!

Next!

Next!

Not your actual Gene Krupa, is he?

- Who's she? - Before your time.

Next!

- Eh, who's this cat? - Oh, that's Russell.

Shut up!

Wasn't that all right, then?

- You on the phone? - Not really. - Sorry.

- How's it going then? - Load of old rubbish.

- Just say your name's Gene Krupa. - Who?

- Is that it then? - Well I thought you'd have some.

Look, son, if I had a drum kit, I'd have a drummer behind it, wouldn't I?

You could lose anything, Jack.

I tell you what. What we need is a drummer with a kit like that.

All the threes, thirty three. One and four, fourteen.

All the eights, two fat ladies.

Get on then. This is it!

Oi! Round the back!

- Hey look I'm sorry, Gordon. - Out! Go on, out.

Oh no look, Gordon, is that nice? House!

Sorry!

- Hello, love, hiya. Is he in? - You'll have to wait. Mr Harding's busy.

Hello, my darling. What you doing then? Straining your brains?

How do you spell 'genius'?

Hey, what you doing? That's Mr Harding's money. Put it back!

I'm sorry they called you down the nick, John.

I'd assure ya, it won't happen again.

You get any other little problems just give me a call.

Mr Harding, I need to introduce you to my drummer, Charlie. Charlie introduce your...

- Not now! - But Mr Harding, what about me gigs?

- Busy man? - Oh yes, he's very busy.

Thanks, Mrs B. Two pubs, four socials,

and the bloody Jackoranda Club.

- Not a bad week though. - Not a bad month.

See ya, love. Come on, Charlie!

That's me with Del Shannon, when I was playing bass. Hey they were the days.

- That's Bill Haley and me, on the first UK tour. - Oh mum was a great fan of his!

- Where are you? - Down the front, one of the stewards.

Ah yes, they're early days. As I've always said, Charlie,

when you've been in this business as long as I have, you start to learn to take the rough with the...

...smooth.

Here we are, Charlie. Your first gig. The Jackoranda Club.

Shall we go round the back?

All right lads, get all the gear out. I'll sort out Woolley.

- Don't push yourself, mate! - No chance!

Hello, Frank.

- Got a nice 30 minutes for you tonight, Mr Woolley. - You got 60 minutes or no pay.

- Cut that P.J. Proby rubbish out. - Come on, Mr Woolley, you know me.

- Yeah, you're in there. - All right.

Here he comes. The King of Rock'n'Roll! Give him a big hand!

Oh bloody Nora.

How's the beanstalk, Jack? Still growing?

Shit!

- Who've I just seen then? - Not your mate, Elvis. - Bloody Roy Priest!

- Who? - The Undertakers. Them who got at my stage suit at the Commodore Club.

Yeah, best part of the act!

Eh, Barry, come 'ere. Come on!

- Try not to nod off again, eh? - So when do you want me to come out then?

Same as always. After four verses, right?

- Where's Dodger? - Gone for a pony.

Tell him to move his arse, you're on in two minutes.

- All right? - Yeah. - Come on.

Thank you very much indeed ladies and gentlemen it was really wonderful to be here. This is Jack Daniels saying...

- Thank you and goodnight. - Piss off. - Up yours.

Well boys and girls, while they're clearing the stage I've got one or two announcements to make...

- All right, fellas? - All right?

- Hey, Roy. - What. - Will you do me a favour?

- What's that then? - Next time you're going past the crematorium, will you burn this lot?

- Piss off, will ya? - What's the problem here?

Oh nothing at all, Mr Woolley. No I'm just teaching my, uh, fellow artistes a bit of respect.

- Just, uh... just the matter of fifteen pounds, Mr Woolley. - Fifteen arseholes.

Oof! Sorry love. 'Ere, come hold of my gear!

Ten quid for a talent like ours. It's a bloody crime!

Ten quid for a talent like yours is a bloody miracle!

Hey, Barry. Share that out will you?

Did you fix Priest?

Did I fix him?

Hold up! What you doing in there?

- I'm trying to get out! - Yeah?

- Come on! - Hang about, I'm doing me best!

Here, the bastard thing's locked!

What the bloody hell was that?

Poxy bastards!

- Is it flat? - Is it bloody flat? It's as flat as a witch's tits!

Come on now, settle down a bit. Settle down.

All right, Stoker! Hang on to your equipment!

Where is he?

Two gallons, chief. All right?

Check the tyres will ya, mate?

- Oi! - New ones!

Come on, we're gonna lose them!

Right that's, uh, one egg and chips, 3/2.

Oh and five teas, 1/3. Oh and the two new tyres are a fiver a piece.

Well that's three quid each! Don't worry about the rest, though, you see, I'll make it up.

You can all pay me back later.

- Pay ya back? - Yeah, well, share and share alike.

- How come we always have to pay for your cockups? - Well who else is gonna pay?

- How about The Undertakers? - Yeah!

Angie!

There's the car! They must be inside!

- Hey, have you left a tip? - Don't push!

- What's the hurry? - Come on! - Watch out for the bricks!

Thanks very much me old son! Good luck.

- Here! It's fifteen quid. - Come on, let's go! - That's all right, you can keep the change!

The back! Round the back!

Quick! They're bloody coming!

- Come on, Stoker, get a bloody move on! - I'm moving! What's the matter with ya?

- Come on, it must go faster than this! - It won't go any faster.

Come on Jacko, you old tart. They're all over our backside!

...it's flat on the floor!

He's driving like a madman!

- Can't you turn off? - Bleedin' hell!

- Stupid bastard! - It's burning!

Lads! I'm bleeding.

You're bleeding lucky I'm there then, Jack.

- Get me out, Stoker. - Get the gear!

Charlie! Get me out!

- Get the gear! - Give us a hand, Roy!

I think he's gonna faint!

Very nice.

Don't know why I'm helping you, son.

For Christ's sake, this thing's on fire! She's all right!

I wish he'd learn to park better.

Come on, Jack, have a nice lie down.

- What's going on here? - Women and drums first!

- Nothing, officer! - We do it all the time! - Oh really?

All part of life's rich pattern, isn't it Charlie?

Yeah.

Ah, Ron'll get us out of this.

Yeah.

Would you mind being quiet in there? I've been trying to get some kip.

Shouldn't bother to wake up, mate!

All right, Rogers and Hammerstein, your fairy godmother's arrived.

Eh listen I don't know anything about this lot, I only come down for a couple of 'em you know.

- Russ, I'm really sorry. - Come on.

- I mean, what's all this lot? - It's not all these.

- Right! Who'd you want? - Well you'd better ask him!