The Nanny

Oh, this is for you.

Your old modeling agency is having a reunion

Oh, look at that.

Boy, you know, I don't know how I ever lasted as a model

I mean, every week, piling on all that hair and makeup..

squishing into those tight clothes.

I'll tell you, I don't miss it at all. [KNOCK ON DOOR

-That's Ma. -How do you know?

Pie's done.

Oh, Fran, I'm so upset.

I don't even know how I got here.

Well, I see some Ray's pizza sauce,

some sauerkraut, and some sprinkles from Baskin and Robbins.

I'd say you took the subway to 59th Street

and walked Lexington Avenue.

Go ahead. Make fun.

Meanwhile, my life is over.

Your father is not attracted to me any more

I even tried surprising him at the door, naked

-Ma, you didn't. -I did.

Meanwhile, you will never see

another Jehovah's Witness in my building again

Ma, why don't you just relax? I'm sure it's just a phase.

Honey, we haven't had relations in two whole weeks

-Two weeks? -Two weeks?

Please, tell it to someone who cares.

I'm crying bitter tears over here.

So, I've decided to have some cosmetic surgery

I'm having my arms done.

Look at this.

It's... It's just like Tapioca pudding.

Ma, that is Tapioca pudding.

Well, you know what, Ma?

Not many people would trust a plastic surgeon..

whose office is between Miller's Outpost and Hickory Farms

This doctor did aunt Ceil,

and I think she looks like a work of art.

Yeah, Ma, a Picasso.

Fran, I'm gonna go pick up something at Brooks Brothers.

Why? What do you need there?

The tie salesman.

I'll tell you, if I died tomorrow,

I'd feel like I accomplished something.

I'll meet you at the shoe store.

I'm gonna go cruise the chicks at the Limited.

Okay. Oh, B, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Your wallet's sticking out. All your cash is showing

Oh, no. That's right.

That's for when they tell me to take a hike

I want it to hurt real bad.

You want to go with your sister or your brother?

No. I love a doctor's office.

The smell, the magazines, the drama!

It makes me feel so alive.

Oh, isn't she adorable?

The kid is weird.

Ladies,

I'm Dr. Roberts.

Now, who's the patient?

Oh, I like him already.

How old do you think I am?

I don't know. Well, 55?

I'm 50.

That's because I can't go to me.

Doctor, can you make me look like this?

Linda Evangelista, Ma? He's not Dr. Bombay.

Ladies, nothing is impossible.

You have insurance, right?

Own your own home? -Now, Ma,

don't get carried away.

He's gonna try and talk you into a bunch of stuff you really don't need.

Now, you're a beautiful woman. I hope when I'm you're age, I look like you

You will.

What do you mean?

Aging is determined by your genes.

Look at the bone structure, look at the jaw, look at the eyes, the lips.

Behold, the future.

Can't something be done? -Oh, calm down.

That's what I'm here for;

To prevent the inevitable.

Chocolate?

Enjoy it today. We can suck it out tomorrow

Oh, Fran, you've got to read this.

Do you know what happens when you get as old as you

You lose your tolerance for little children

No. Your feet get bigger.

Actually, everything keeps growing, your nose, your ears, your feet

Your tush. It grows like a weed.

Yeah. But you can't control that. That's glandular

There's nothing you can do about glands.

You cannot help that.

Have another chocolate. -Thank you.

Oh, these are gorgeous.

Oh, I can't afford them.

Fran, you know, we wear the same size.

I can put these on Dad's charge for me,

and you could... borrow them.

Don't tell the others, but you're my favorite

Fran, my feet grew a whole size!

Remember what that doctor said?

I'm getting old. I'm turning into your mother

Sweetie, sweetie, relax.

Let's talk about it.

I'm here for you.

Get me these in a seven.

Gracie, getting older can be very exciting.

I mean, change and growth

could be something to look forward to.

They're too small. You need an eight.

I don't think so.

Miss_

They're fine, very comfy, like slippers.

Oh, Niles, you don't know how lucky you are

And, look, you still got such nice small feet

Say; You know what that means, don't you?

Never mind.

In England, we go by the hands.

What you doing, honey?

Looking at pictures of myself when I was young

Look at how tight my skin was. Nothing sagged

Oh, I don't know.

Those diapers look like they're hanging pretty low

Fran, I don't want to get older.

Oh, what are you complaining about?

I'm the one with the size-eight foot in the grave

Fran, are you a lot older than me?

Well, let's put it this way.

When you're 20, I'll be 40.

When you're 30, I'll be 40.

And when you're 40, you'll understand why I'm still 40

It's the new math. Learn it.

Miss Fine, did you get shorter?

Oh, no. I'm aging, and now I'm shrinking?

You know, it's genetic, too.

I had a great-aunt that would come in through the doggy door

Oh, wait. Look, I'm wearing my slippers.

My feet were killing me.

Some stupid salesman sold me a pair of shoes that must have been mismarked

Maybe your feet have gotten bigger.

You know, when you get older, they tend to..

I don't think so.

Fortunately, the Babcock women age gracefully

Well, you've always been a rebel.

Miss Fine, everyone's looks fade eventually. It's...

It's what's inside a person that really matters

What kind of a bizarre world are you living in

With age comes wisdom.

Yeah. And for a man, wisdom and a 20-year-old bimbo

Well, he didn't say life was fair.

I am serious;

My foot went up a whole size.

And Ma's doctor said that as you get older,

your appendages keep growing.

More good news for men.

Why are women so vain?

Oh, I guess you're right.

I mean, look, you're not the least bit concerned..

about that little bald spot right there on the back of your head

What?

Oh, you know, it's nothing. Nothing.

Just, well, when you go out in the sun,

you might want to smear a little Coppertone on it. That's all

Stop! Get me a mirror. Quick! Quick!

-Get a mirror. -Oh, would you relax?

Wasn't it you that just said it's what's inside that counts?

I was talking about you. Not me!

Do... Do you know why I'm successful?

I mean, anyone can throw on a revival,

drag out some old musical,

but people want to do business with me

because I'm, well, cute.

Big bushy hair, English accent.

I'm a one-man mop-top British Invasion.

Down, Ringo.

Meanwhile, I'm the one that's got to go to the big modeling reunion..

with these clodhoppers.

Oh, Miss Fine, come on, you're a beautiful woman

No one's gonna be looking at your feet.

Oh, yeah? I was a foot model.

I haven't seen these girls in 10 years.