Perrier's Bounty

The ocean. Huh?

Never fails to provoke a person to musin' on philosophical shit.

Heavy shit, like life and death and faith.

and all that bewilderin' shit.

The fuckin' universe. the individual's seemin' insignificance in it?

But are we insignificant?

I mean, take, for example -

this individual.

Waster, name of Michael McCrea.

Last night. he imbibed to beat the band -

- and today. he's payin' the seedy price.

It's evenin'.

He's havin' himself a little siesta. Yeah.

Little catnap.

Now, relax yourself and pay close attention.

There's a point to all this drivel.

Very peaceful in repose there, Michael.

You know your deadline's 10 tonight?

Er...

So what are you doin' in bed?

Were you out last night?

I was, yeah.

Gettin' ripped instead of hustlin'. man? Fuck me!

I'd call that a gross abuse of your time.

- What little you have... - ...and gettin' less.

Now, you miss the aforesaid deadline, man -

- Darren says you've to pay a particular price.

Two bones to be broke, your decision which.

And digits don't count. you understand?

- Fingers. toes... - ...they don't count at all.

You wouldn't happen to have it, would you?

No.

Suggest you get out and get lookin' then, Michael.

- Beg, borrow, steal... - ...only get it and bring it.

You've four more hours before Perrier's judgement comes down.

You don't mind if we take these pistatchees, man, do you?

No.

Fuck...

Wow, are those for me?

No, they're from Shamie.

He got me them as an apology for all the lates he's been working.

Good one.

- So relieved. - Yeah? What about?

You know...

Oh, the fact that you thought he was losing interest.

What an idiot. Because he's not, Michael.

- Well, I'm glad to hear it. - He's not, you know.

We're as strong as ever. I mean, the passion, the fire...

Oh God, how are you?

- Oh, I'm fine. - Are you sure?

- I just got paid, I can give you... - No, Brend...

- ...Two hundred? - No no no, Brend, it's cool.

I'm gonna meet a dude by the name of The Mutt, he'll sort me out.

- The Mutt? - Yeah.

You know, like a loan to pay off a loan, it's...

Fair enough. Well, call in later, let me know how it goes.

I will. See ya.

Easy, Apollo! Easy! Heel, heel, heel.

It's only cos he's fond of you, Michael.

Yeah, he wants to fuck you.

Michael McCrea!

Witness a righteous fuckin' ricochet, man.

Good one.

Er, The Mutt been around?

You missed him, man, and the tiff he got into.

Some fuck slaggin' his snooker skills, yeah?

Come here.

Fuck's laughin' to beat the band, right.

So he gets bet, see the evidence?

Jesus. What's the other stain?

The brown one? Couldn't tell you and wouldn't like to guess.

So, I help you in any other way?

Some shit. say. no?

- No. - Fair enough.

- Any idea where he went? - I haven't.

- Fuck! - But listen, man.

You change your mind, you know me whereabouts.

- Man, youse are barred! - Fuck you! We're taking table nine.

Just remember to keep them dogs the fuck off it, do you hear me?

I never got that stain out of twelve.

- Shut the fuck up, Mullo. - Achilles! Get off that table!

- The fuck are you doin'? - This yours, yeah?

Get that away from me wheel, man.

- Pick it up. - Yeah?

Man, I'd fuckin' heft you.

I'll haul you harder than you fuckin' hauled that.

Go for it. Come on, go for it.

Fuck him, Lar. We'll get him again, yeah?

We've got your reg, pal, and your fuckin' face.

You are under surveillance big style.

Face.

What the fuck are you doin' here?

We need to have a chat.

Why the fuck would I want to have a chat with you?

Cos I'm dyin', Michael.

What?

I'm dyin', son, and I thought...

You're fuckin' dyin'?

What is it, cancer?

It's cancer. yeah.

Ah, man.

You gonna talk?

Man. I would if I knew what to say. This is...

Yeah, I know. And I hate to appear like this right out of the fuckin' blue.

but you know, there's shit between you and me is unresolved.

And your mother, of course.

And I just thought, the situation now bein' what it is, that we could talk...

Listen, dad...

What's up, Michael?

- I'm workin' on it. - I was you, I'd work harder, man.

Either that or just resign yourself.

Try and find a state of Zen, of acceptance, yeah?

Right. Or resignation.

- Cos we're gonna be comin'... - ...swoopin'.

...descendin'. Like time and tide, we wait for no man.

All I owe's a grand, man.

Might as well be a mil, the chances of me gettin' it by tonight.

Like I said, if I had it, Michael...

You off the drink?

Just have a yen for some java, man.

- So, what other options have you? - Well, apart from shootin' meself -

- there's this one dude who sharks occasional, name a' Muttley, man.

Ah, The Mutt.

That's right. You know the fuck?

Hear he drinks down at The Millers bar.

The Millers?

- What about our talk? - Wait here. I'll be back in an hour.

- And then we'll talk? - Yeah, we'll see!

"We'll see"? I'm only fuckin' dyin', Michael.

- Nice flowers you got Brenda, man. - How are you. Michael?

How am l? I'm sick of fuckin' seein' you and your bitches!

Excuse me!

Listen, Michael. I know Bren's your mate and all, but, you know...

- ...fuckin' spark's gone, man. - The "spark"? So end it, you fuck, you!

Sever your ties and show her some fuckin' respect.

- Tosser. - Are you gonna take that shit?

Aye, there he is. You see him?

- That fella? - Yeah.

Look at that bitch, man. What do you think?

Dirty, like a bag o' carrots.

- What about that one? - Ah, looks a bit horsey, man.

It's the horsey ones like you to give them a gallopin'.

- I know you? - No, and I don't mean to interrupt.

But I heard tell you give the occasional loan.

When I'm flush I do. which at the moment I'm far from.

- Sorry pal, can't help you. - You serious?

Fair enough.

That shit you were sayin' back there, man, yeah?

Callin' me chick a bitch and all? I didn't like it.

- You weren't meant to. - Well, I want an apology.

Fuckhead.

It's not forthcoming... no?

No.

Ok, then...

Fuck!

I would happily fuckin' burst you now, you know that?

Now, you gonna call Brenda?

- I am! - Well, do it tonight.

And you fuckin' let her down gently, you hear me?

Well done, man. What the fuck was that about?

I wouldn't like to say.

I wouldn't like to hear you say, cos that'd mean you'd a big fuckin' mouth.

What?

Now let me peddle you somethin' here.

Dinny here and meself are on a job tonight.

little break-and-enter up in Dalkey.

Financial reward's pretty much a cert.

and that's pretty much the extent of me peddle.

Question is, do you wanna purchase?

So Dinny's out one night, this wanker's there. Loudmouth.

Goes to the toilet...

- The dude? - No, Dinny, but the dude's in there.

His phone rings. The wife, they chat.

The alarm system's broken on their house.

the alarm dude can't get out until Monday.

Back upstairs he's talkin'...

- Dinny? - The dude, man! Will you pay attention?

This new restaurant they're goin' to Friday night.

so tonight bein' Friday. the house is empty.

and not only, but also alarmless.

Now, the thing is we need an extra man.

- Why? - Well, Dinny's the watchman.

But say the dude has a 50 inch plasma screen?

I can't fuckin' hump it solo now, can I?

Also, we halve the exposure time. Two men inside, you with me?

Yeah.

Michael, come here! Check this out!

Stack of filth, man, under the wardrobe. Look at that one.

"Voluptuous". For heifer-lovers only.

Look at the udders on that.

Nice.

You like a bit of volup, do you? You dirty rip!

The fuck is that?

Oh, he's fuckin' around on the missus. Look.

Maybe that's the missus.

That's the missus, the pinch-faced cunt.

No wonder he's gone round looking for the bit of heft.

We could blackmail this fuck.

Put them back under the wardrobe.

Hey, wait, wait, wait!