Nurse Jackie

This is weird.

What?

Us making out on my mom's roof.

Whatever.

Our parents are probably making out downstairs.

Hey, she isn't here, right?

- Who? - Your friend Antoinette.

Well, she's not my friend and she's not here. Why, what's up?

Oh, fuck.

Uh, okay.

Uh, that coffee yesterday wasn't just a coffee.

She was on a tear. She said you were using.

She was gonna go to Akalitus.

So I took her out to dinner.

And you slept with my sponsor?

I'm an asshole.

It was wrong. A total mistake.

And it's never happening again,

which is exactly what I told her.

And that did not go over very well.

Hey, if it's not my pal from Miami.

I think Jackie is using again.

What are you talking about?

- She just got clean. - Come on, Frank. Wake up.

She's already dumped me. She kicked you out of the house.

It's like she's having a fire sale

getting rid of all of us.

I'm not gonna let this happen.

She's the type of woman that doesn't tolerate being pushed away.

Nine calls from her since midnight.

See? She's not backing down.

Guess who I just got off the phone with.

Oh, no. She called you, too?

Hey, Frank. Listen, maybe I should go.

No, Eddie, you're all right.

Jack, Antoinette claims you're using again.

Oh, does she really? I'm also the Queen of England.

She's pissed off at Eddie 'cause he kicked her out of bed.

- Hey. - What the fuck is wrong with you?

Okay, I'm done trying to help.

I'm leaving. I'll see you at work.

All right.

So this Antoinette thing, this is just crazy time, right?

What do you think?

Hey.

Everybody sleep okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah, I was up all night studying.

- All right, let's go. - Tommy, stop.

Bus is leaving.

Had a good time last night.

Either I have low blood sugar,

or that jacket is making me sweat.

Question.

Should I go back to school and get a master's degree?

Yes?

Sorry, what?

Every year I write down the deadline

for the Nurse Practitioner programs.

And then at 4:00 this morning, I was like,

"Zoey Barkow, go for it."

Thoughts?

Jackie.

I think it's a great idea, Zoey.

- When's the deadline? - Tonight.

Wow. Okay.

Other problem, there's an essay.

You love writing. You have a blog.

- This is different. - No, it's not.

We'll find you a patient. You'll write it up just like your blog.

Well, I am still thinking about our helicopter sex.

What do you have planned for us today?

Happy birthday, Dr. Cooper.

- My birthday. - Yeah, I know.

Happy birthday.

People!

Our friend the DEA agent is back with us again

investigating Nancy Wood.

He will be conducting interviews.

I am installing him in my office

so that together we can all figure out

who the hell stole Dr. Roman's prescriber number.

Everyone must comply.

Female, 40s. Fell down a flight of stairs.

Her name is Joan. She has MS.

- Hi, Joan. - Here's a list of her medications.

Her last relapse was three months ago.

Call radiology and let's get some blood tests.

On three. One, two, three.

- Mark. - I'm here, hon. I'm here.

- It's my fault. - Oh, come on.

You were clumsy before MS, remember?

You have a very dedicated husband.

How's the foot? Do you need a pill?

Uh, yeah. Just one.

- Thank you. - Next topic.

Your friend Antoinette. She called wanting to meet. What's this about?

You have got to be kidding me.

She knows that you've been winning at poker.

She wants to sell you a condo.

Why would I want a condo?

That's what I told her.

This woman has no boundaries.

You got your hands full with the DEA.

I will handle this, okay?

Oh, God. Jackie?

Do not call me.

Do not call my friends.

Do not show up at my work. I fucking mean it.

- Don't hang up. - Do you understand?

Look, I shouldn't even be talking about this.

I should be talking to my sponsor,

who will not pick up her fucking phone.

I... I'm sorry. I need a drink.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Hold on a second.

All right, I'm here. Talk to me.

No. God, I am such a shitty sponsor.

Let's just focus on you for a minute.

No, we should focus on you.

I haven't even gotten you clean yet.

Let's just forget about sponsors,

forget about programs, just tell me what's going on.

I'm just such a fucking mess.

I haven't been dumped in years.

I haven't even slept with anyone in God knows how long.

Do you have any idea how hard this is to deal with sober?

Look, take a breath. Can you make it eight hours

without drinking, do you think?

Maybe.

All right. I'm gonna get off work,

I'm gonna take you to dinner, and I will talk you through this.

- You got it? - Yeah.

In the meantime, go shopping.

Okay? Go to Saks. Call me when you have spent 500 bucks.

Great, I'll call you in 15 minutes.

Oh, no. Running in heels.

It's Coop's birthday? I totally forgot.

How? He save-the-dated us all weeks ago.

I don't read group e-mails.

Look, full disclosure. We slept together last night

and twice this morning.

And that's not gift enough?

I think I have real feelings for him.

That said, I totally don't have a real gift.

- Okay, any gift. - Is there a point here?

You know Coop. Is there anything that I can get him

within, like, a two-block radius?

Come with me.

- Say it's from you. - What is it?

Do you really care? It's wrapped.

Should I write a card?

Were you raised by wolves?

Patient stories from today.

Kidney stone. Appendicitis.

MS lady. Chest pain guy.

You should write about something nonemergent.

The essay is about primary care, right?

It's Grace.

Hi.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can talk.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I think you need to speak to your mother about this.

Um, do you want me

to see if I can find her, wherever she is?

'Cause she's not near me. Hello?

Did she hang up?

What's up?

Grace wants me to help her get birth control.

Are you fucking kidding me?

She's 15.

Yeah, she is.

But does she have a boyfriend or a guy that she likes?

Oh, shit.

Frank's son stayed over last night.

I put him in Fiona's room, but the two of them

were looking a little chummy this morning.

Oh, that fucker.

Yeah, that's tricky.

It's not tricky if it's not happening.

I go, "Hey, Jesus is in your subway.

Now it's your problem."

Hey.

Your boys cannot be at my house.

I need the room.

You need to control your fucking son.

Grace just asked for birth control.

All right, first of all, calm yourself.

Tommy's a gentleman and he just met her last night.

So you can't hang this on him.

Did you ever consider for a second she's asking for some other guy?

Wow, we're done.

This isn't working.

Oh, hold on. We're done?

Yeah, I need to protect Grace right now.

Bullshit. Whatever this is, it ain't about Grace.

You know what? You're right. It isn't.

This is about me not wanting to be with you.

Wow.

Okay.