South Park

Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!

- - Stop it, Cartman.

That's so funny.

God damn it, Cartman!

Stop throwing those stupid poppy things at me!

Come on and take a look, folks.

We've got a lot of knives for sale here.

Oh, my God! Look!

"Martial arts weapons from the Far East."

Wow. Cool.

Dude, we should each buy a weapon,

and then we'll be like ninjas.

Yeah! We won't have to take crap from anybody!

Our parents won't let us have weapons, dude.

Who's gonna tell them, dumb-ass?

Yeah. Our parents are gonna be at this stupid fair all day.

They'll never know what we bought.

I'll get the tonfas. Those are so sweet.

I'm gonna get those killer sai.

Look, Kenny, there's something even you can afford...

a ninja shuriken for $1.99.

Mrph rm!

Can I help you boys?

Yeah. We want to get one of each of these ninja weapons.

Okay. You need to have your parents here when you buy them.

I can't sell to anyone under 18 without parents' permission.

Parents?

Parents?

Oh, God!

W-What's the matter?

No!

We're brothers, see, and our parents died

in a car accident last year.

Why?!

- Why?! -

Why did you have to take them both?!

Why?!

Why do people have to keep reminding us

of what we don't have?!

It's... It's all right, boys. Don't cry.

I'll... I'll just go pack these up for you, okay?

God damn. That's like the 12th time that's worked.

Kyah! Kyah!

Tai-yo!

Gyah!

Shut up, hippies! I'll kill you!

Yah!

With my tonfa of Takanawa,

I become the great and powerful ninja Shadowhachi...

born to fight evil and people I don't like.

Yeah, and my powerful nunchucks make me into Bunraku...

a deadly but compassionate ninja who protects those in trouble.

What's your ninja name, Kenny?

Mrph rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Yes, and I am Bulrog...

a tough, brute ninja who has dedicated his life

to eradicating the world from hippies.

All right, ninjas. Let's go protect the world.

Kick-ass.

You guys, you know what we should do?

We should go show our weapons to Craig and those guys.

They'll be so jealous.

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

No, dude. We can't go around showing our weapons to people.

Our parents might find out we have them.

Ugh. You see, guys, this is why Jews can't be ninjas.

They've got no spine.

You don't know anything about Jews, fat-ass!

My mom took me to see Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion,"

and Mel Gibson says you are snakes and you are liars.

And if the Road Warrior says it, it must be true.

Don't worry, Kyle. Craig's not gonna tell on us.

Come, ninjas. Let's go.

All right. This is it.

Yes. The residence that belongs to the one called Craig.

I still say this is a bad idea.

Ninja positions.

Ha!

Hello, Craig.

Look what we got.

Where'd you get those?

We can't tell you where. It's secret ninja stuff.

Ooh, is that jealously I see in your eyes, Craig?

Mm, yes.

Drown me in the sweet water of your envy.

Uh, th-they're not that cool.

Yeah, they're not that cool.

These are real, authentic weapons from the Far East.

But don't tell anybody we have them.

Ugh.

- Whoa! Where'd you get those? - Let me see!

Uh, we'd love to hang out, guys,

but we have important secret work to do.

Yes, the life of a ninja is complex and full of peril.

Come on, ninjas.

- Ho! - Mrph!

Oh, man, did you see the look on Craig's face?!

That was awesome!

Dude, we're like the coolest kids in the whole state.

Hey, fellas. What's happening?

We're playing ninjas, Butters.

Wow-ee! Hey, can I play ninjas with you?

No, Butters.

We are a very select elite fighting team sent

to protect the world from evil, and you can't play with us.

Yeah. You wouldn't make a very good ninja.

Come on, guys. We have a lot of work to do.

Yes, and no time to do it.

No time.

I think I'd make a really good ninja.

Geez, those guys never let me play with them.

They just shun me all the time.

I'm a lost soul...

a dark, lonely shadow of a person.

- Hi, Butters. - Hi, Mom.

A castaway forced to live his life out in solitude.

It is because of times like these

I was forced to a life of evil.

Society cast me out,

and so I vowed to make them all pay!

And pay they did.

Nobody knows that beneath

this sweet, eight-year-old little boy lies the most evil,

most destructive supervillain of all time!

Professor Chaos!

Let's see how you like dealing with me, ninjas!

Bah!

Bah!

Ooh, Butters. Are you going out to play again?

Yeah, Mom, I'm just going outside for a little while.

Well, could you be a sweetie

and take that pie over there to the Thompsons?

I made it to thank them for babysitting you last week.

Oh. Ok... Okay, Mom.

Gah! Aah!

Buh! Ugh!

Buh!

Hmm. This doesn't seem to be the right way.

My ninja sense is telling me

we might be heading in the wrong direction.

Okay. Hang on, guys.

I'll use my special power to see into the future

and find out where we should head next.

Hold on, you guys. I actually have another power.

I can see into the future, too, but better than Kyle.

Let me try.

God damn it, Cartman, you can't keep making up powers!

Yeah, dude. That's like the fifth power you've come up with.

I am Bulrog, and I have lots and lots of powers.

No, asshole! From now on, you only get to have one power.

So what is it?

I have the power to have all the powers I want.

That doesn't count, fat-ass!

Yeah, that's it, Cartman. You don't get any powers.

Hah! Ha ha ha ha!

Well, well, well. If it isn't the four ninjas.

- Who the hell is that? - I don't know.

Craig, is that you?

Fools!

I am Professor Chaos, bringer of destruction and doom!

Your feeble ninja powers are no match for me!

Whoa.

Looks like we have a sworn enemy, you guys.

Mrph!

Very well, Professor Chaos. We'll play along.

Now feel the fiery sting of my tonfa of Takanawa!

Hyah!

Hey, kid, that knocks you down.

Nunh-unh.

Yeah-huh. I got you.

Nunh-unh, because my cloak is made of a titanium alloy

that shields me from heat!

That's bullcrap! Titanium alloy, my ass.

Well, let's see how he likes the icy blast

of my nunchucks of Kuramoto!

Ha!

Aah!

Uh, nice attempt, ninja.

But now both of you shall feel the power of my Web of Holding!

- Aah! - Aah!

- Ugh! - Ugh!

Now you are both trapped in spider webs.

All right, dick hole. Time for you to pay.

Oh, no. I have no powers. Kyle took them away from me.

Kyle, give me back my powers so I can fight this evil villain!