Seinfeld

I had glasses when I was 10.

Anybody beat that? Anybody got them younger?

- Seven. - Seven?

Two?

Anybody born with glasses? Come out...

Actually come out of the birth canal and go:

"That was a hell of a delivery, I'll tell you that.

Can I clean these?

Does anybody have one of those little cloths?

I was just born. They're a little...

A little smudgy."

- Fantastic. - I told you. How good is this?

- It's good. - How good?

- Very good. - I know.

They put real blueberries in this. What kind did you get?

Coffee. They grind up the coffee beans and put it in!

Let me test-taste that.

- And it's non-fat. - How could this not have any fat?

- It's too good. - You wanna taste mine?

- Oh, you wanna taste mine. - No, I don't.

If you wanna taste mine, you don't have to offer me some of yours.

All right, let's just forget it.

Kramer's gonna clean up on this place.

- What do you mean? - He invested in it.

- No kidding? - We've been coming here every day.

This is so f*****g good!

Jerry!

Oh, I'm sorry.

- That's nice. - All right.

We should get going, but I'm gonna get a little bit more, okay?

- Oh, God, look who's here. - Who is it?

This guy from my old neighbourhood, Lloyd Braun.

He's a big adviser to Mayor Dinkins. He thinks he's so cool.

Really?

Hey, George.

Hey, Lloyd!

Hey!

My friend Jerry.

So I hear you're living back home now, or something?

Yeah, there was a fire in my apartment.

A fire.

There's a lot of major chicks in this place, huh?

Something wrong with your arm?

Yeah, actually.

I bumped my elbow on a desk and injured something...

...and now it sort of moves involuntarily.

That's a bitch, huh?

- So how are your parents doing? - Oh, pretty good.

- This place does some business, huh? - Yeah, this is my first time here.

Hey, she's a doll.

Hi.

- Hello. - Elaine, this is Lloyd.

- Hi. - Hi. Very nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Boy, I'm really sorry I gotta run now.

- Well, take it easy, huh, George? - Yeah, yeah.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

- Boy, he is really cute. - He's a jerk.

- He's gone, George. - All right, all right.

So there were a lot of people there?

That yogurt place- You're gonna make a fortune.

- They're doing incredible business. - I told you to go in on it.

- How did you know? - Well, I tasted it at the one downtown.

It's got a remarkable texture.

You'd never know it was non-fat.

- Yeah? - Me.

Hey, I had the show of my life last night.

- I ad-libbed, like, 10 new minutes. - Yeah, but did you tape it?

- Yeah. - Right there. I got it.

I did this thing on the Ottoman Empire:

What, was this a whole empire based on putting your feet up?

I'm telling you, I got a whole new Tonight Show here.

- Hi. - Hey.

What's the matter?

I was having lunch and I bit down on the fork.

It's hard to believe with so much biting experience...

...a person could still make a mistake like that.

- What? - You're getting heavy.

- What? - You look like you put on 5...

...10 pounds.

- Kramer! - I'll tell you something else...

...you're looking a little chunky yourself.

- Me? - Yeah.

- No. - Where's your bathroom scale?

Oh, my God! I've gained 7 pounds!

- I've gained 8! - I told you.

I thought I'd put on a couple, but 7 pounds, how did I gain 7 pounds?

- How did I gain 8? - I don't get it.

I've been doing the same exercises. I haven't been eating different.

Me either.

Wait a second. Maybe it's that yogurt.

- No, no. That's 100-percent non-fat. - How else could this have happened?

- Maybe it's the Oreos. - I don't eat Oreos.

You don't eat Oreos? The way you break them open...

You're practically having sex with them.

- What about me? - You? You're getting old.

- Maybe your yogurt isn't so non-fat. - Oh, guess again, tubby.

There's gotta be a way we can find that out.

There must be a kind of lab that would do that.

I've got it! I'll call the Food and Drug Administration.

Hey, I'll tell you what, chubs.

If that yogurt has fat in it, I will put myself on an all-yogurt diet...

- ... for a week. - Well, let's start the insanity.

Giddyup.

"Tommy Tune is a very good dancer."

You ever see Tommy Tune dance?

- No. - I like tap-dancing.

Tap-dancing. Anyone can tap-dance. It's those shoes.

Are you kidding? They practice for years, those people.

What's for supper?

Somebody's at the door.

Tommy Tune is very tall.

That helps. It makes him lankier.

- Lloyd! - Hello, Mrs. Costanza.

Georgie, Lloyd Braun is here.

- Hey, Lloyd! - What are you doing here?

Well, I was just visiting my mother, so I thought I'd drop by, say hello.

Georgie, come here and say hello.

How you doing? I hear you're a big adviser for Dinkins.

- That's right. Hey, George. - Hey, Lloyd. How's it going?

I ran into George yesterday in the city.

What's the matter with you?

So how's the arm?

- Oh, it's good. - What's the matter with your arm?

- Nothing. - Yeah, his arm moves like this.

Your arm moves like this? I've never seen your arm move like this.

- Me either. - Well, it comes and goes.

It's like some kind of...

- ... a spasm. - Yeah.

I asked Mr. Dinkins if he knew any good orthopaedists.

He said he had the best. So I made an appointment for you. Dr. Dekter.

Mayor Dinkins got an appointment for him?

You mentioned George's name to Mayor Dinkins?

You discussed George with the mayor of New York?

Dinkins was talking about you. He was discussing you!

You know, Lloyd, I've been to the doctor.

- There's nothing they can do. - Hey!

Mayor Dinkins set this up for you.

You know what kind of a doctor he must be?

All right. All right, I'll go.

Well, that's great.

And I'll be very interested to hear the diagnosis.

Okay, well, we're coming down. All right. Okay.

I got a place that can analyze it. It's in Brooklyn.

- They said they could do it? - Yeah. It's 45 bucks.

All right, let's go to the yogurt store and get a specimen.

- Well, I hope you're satisfied. - What?

Every word out of my son's mouth now is f**k, f**k, f**k.

You know what he said to me five minutes ago?

"Where's my f*****g cupcake?"

Gee, I'm really sorry.

He wants to be like you because you're a comedian.

- Maybe you could talk to him. - I'd be happy to.

Thank you.

Mary, we've been eating a lot of your husband's yogurt...

...at the yogurt place. Does that have any fat in it?

No f*****g way.

- It was very nice seeing you again. - Oh, it was good seeing you.

By the way, who was that gorgeous woman I saw you with the other day?

- Just a friend of mine. - You must mean Elaine.

- Isn't she adorable? - She is, she is.

How about giving me her number?

You know, Lloyd, I really don't have it.

She works at Pendant Publishing.

Elaine Benes.

- Great. Thanks a lot. - Yeah.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

Oh, that Lloyd Braun, he is something, isn't he?

I wouldn't hear of it. I said, "Nice try, granny"...

...and I sent her to the back of the line.

Hello, Newman.

Hello, Jerry.

Say, this yogurt is really something, huh? And it's non-fat!

I've been waiting for something like this my whole life, and it's finally here!

Hey, Seinfeld.

I'd appreciate if you'd stop using obscenities around my son, huh?

It was an accident. I'm gonna talk to him.

I'll have a small plain vanilla in a cup to go.

- That's non-fat, right? - That's right.

I'm on a special diet.

- The doctor said I can't have any fat. - Yeah, well, there is no fat.

Hey, another round of strawberry for me and my friends!

- Hurry, Jerry, hurry. - How's it doing?

Not so good.

You can't have this tested now. It's melting.

- So what? - It changes the molecules.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Hey, fatso, I got a 90 in biology.

You call me fatso again, you're gonna be walking back.

Hi. I called earlier about getting the yogurt tested?

Oh, right. Would you fill this out, please?

- Does it matter if it's melted? - No.

- This is gonna take a couple of days. - That's okay.

Hello there.

Hello.

Test tubes.

Cool.

- What do you got there? - Actually, this is Mr. Giuliani's blood.

We're doing a cholesterol workup on it.

Okay, I'm done.