Hustle

Yes, sir?

500 on Captain Ben to win.

Monkey on Captain Ben at 9 to 4.

Harry, five grand to win, Mr Sin in the next.

And it's Captain Ben a neck up on Mr Sin

with Blundering Blue and Open Water tucked in behind

as they pass the two furlong pole.

It's Captain Ben trying to stretch his lead on Mr Sin...

With Blundering Blue still in contention,

Open Water falls away. They hit the furlong marker.

Captain Ben bursting clear onto Sean O'Regan, and at the post,

it's Captain Ben two lengths too good,

followed by Mr Sin in second and Blundering Blue back in third.

Thank you very much.

Are you coming?

My goodness, I may have lost it.

Never mind, we'll sort it out some other time.

She put up a great fight.

Could have done with a rocket up its arse.

You have one of the runners?

I am in the syndicate that owns Ben.

You lucky old sod.

The going was perfect for him, he needs a bit of give...

Have a few quid on, did ya?

Oh, yes, yes. No hard feelings?

Na, don't worry, I'll be up there with you big boys soon.

I look forward to the competition.

Tell you what,

why don't you join me in the hospitality tent for a bottle of shampoo, eh?

Maybe I could pick your brains.

I'd be delighted. David Tyler.

Dickie Brennan... Girls!

Take Davey boy to the tent, give him a drink.

It's a nasty job, but someone has to do it.

Richard Brennan.

Runs a video production company, specialises in the adult market.

- Are we talking porn, Albert? - I believe that's the term used, yes.

Not a very nice gentleman, by all accounts.

What's going on?

Albert's found a mark.

Forgotten something?

- What? - Not what, who.

You can't start without your leader.

All right, all right. Albert's talking us through the mark.

I don't want anyone talking anyone else through anything,

unless I'm here to talk it through...

with ev-everyone, about everything, all right?

Not anyone, OK? Is that clear?

Er...I think so.

Albert, talk us through the mark.

You could have waited a minute.

Oh, I think we did just fine.

Children, please!

Richard Brennan, Dickie to his friends.

He made his millions in the adult industry,

starting with seedy sex stores and strip clubs.

Then he moved onto the adult film market.

Yeah, I think I've seen his work, yeah.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

So, how do we get to him then?

He has a passion for race horses.

He has three horses in training, but he's yet to win his first race,

and I think he'll pay whatever it takes to make that happen.

Then we'd better not disappoint him.

So, now all we need is a plan.

A plan? Yeah, OK, yeah, a plan.

OK, here we go, here it comes.

Here we go, the old... the old plan.

Listen up, gang.

What have we got? What have we got here?

I'll tell you what we got, we got a horse and we've got porn...

- No what? - I'm not doing it.

I ain't said anything yet!

I know what you're going to say, and the answer is no.

Right, clever clogs, what was I going to say?

That I get close to the mark by masquerading as a porn star...

- Liar. - All right, I admit,

I did think of that first, but then I come up with a much...

much better plan.

Which is?

Ready?

We sell him... a horse.

Yeah, go on.

Well, what? The rest is just details, innit?

Well, it's not much of a plan, is it?

We'll set up a big store, Moody Stables, we'll play him with a ringer -

he won't even know he's been had.

Albert, reel him in, tell him a tale about a young horse,

classic winner in the making.

Stacie, find me a horse that looks the part.

Ash, work the inside with me as an owner.

Find a racing yard we can use, dodgy kettles, the lot.

If you need anything else, I'll be at Eddie's.

We're a man short and I'm holding interviews, all morning.

I heard it, but I don't believe it.

Danny actually came up with a proper plan.

He almost sounded mature.

I never doubted it for a second.

Hold up, did he say he was interviewing people?

We don't need anybody else!

Yes, we do. Five's the magic number.

A roper, two inside men, a lure and a fixer.

What happens when Mickey gets back? Who says he will?

Oh, don't be silly! Albie?

- Danny's call. - Thank you, Albert.

Danny, Mickey's only been gone a few weeks.

Was I or was I not elected leader?

- Yeah, but... - Then unless I'm very much mistaken,

which I'm not,

like Albert says, it's my call, and I say we need someone else.

Eddie has put the word out, got grifters from all over London.

Yep, the first one should be here any minute.

And you used my very strict screening process, you know,

weed out the no-hopers? The wheat from the chaff.

Just like you said, Danny.

Bingo. Now if you'll excuse me, kids...

I'm not sure if I like the new mature Danny.

It won't last.

Running your own crew is a big responsibility,

good to see him taking it seriously.

- Hello, are you Hannah? - Yes.

- Yes. - Mr. Blue...

- That's not... - I think it is.

Hello! Hello, Hannah.

Daniel. How are you?

Lovely...very nice. Thank you, Edward, that will be all.

That's a beautiful...

OK, right, a few questions. Have you got a boyfriend at the moment?

Have you ever worked the wire?

A no there. What about the rag? Shake of the head...

The Pigeon drop even?

What about the Jamaican switch? No? Guess that's a no.

We're looking at playing, who knows, the Spanish Prisoner with a twist...

How many is that now?

Oh, 11 brunettes, nine blondes, one redhead.

So, Eddie, what exactly was this screening process?

Well, he said they had to be A, a bird and B, well fit.

Lovely, lovely pair of...

diamonds.

And I called him mature?

But they had to be grifters though, right?

Well, yeah, but he said he'd be willing to train the right person

as long as they were A, a bird and...

And B, well fit?

You got it.

Go on, off you go, go on...

Yeah, definitely, got a lot of potential, that one.

- For what? - Well...

she ain't actually worked the con before,

but she has worked in a bank so,

you know, she's well used to nicking money off of people.

Right. Please tell me you're not going to hire any of those girls.

Why not?

Because it's shallow, sexist and slightly seedy.

All the S's, very good. But you forgot,

superb, sexy...

..Sambuca.

So, are we doing any work today or what?

Ah, the voice of reason.

You're the ones who gatecrashed the party.

You've all got your jobs to do.

On my way.

Do not employ anyone until we've talked about this properly.

- The redhead was cute. - Lovely, weren't they?

Shit! Shit!

What the bloody hell was that?

I could have run it quicker meself,. Get her back out there,

and use the whip on her or I'll use it on you!

Something wrong, Dickie?

Oh, you haven't got a decent jockey spare, have you, Davey boy?

You got a problem?

This lot are a bunch of fairies. They think more of the horse's feelings

than the money I'm ploughing into 'em!

It's an expensive hobby.

A lot of people did a lot of disgusting things to pay for these nags,

the least they can do is pull their finger out.

I couldn't agree with you more.

I mean, your lot had the right idea.

My lot?

Spurs,

like the Old West - that'd liven 'em up a bit!

Well, it's a novel idea. I doubt if the Jockey Club would agree with you.

Stuff them!

Anyway, what you doing here?

Sniffing out the competition, are ya?

No, just passing by, I thought I'd buy you lunch.

Ah, top man.

Give me five minutes, I'll just scrape the horse shit off me boots.

Imogen, all right, sweetheart? It's Danny Blue.

Were you now, you naughty little monkey?

I call with great news.

Yes, I'm pleased to tell you that you have made the short list.

But I will need you for a second interview.

I was thinking maybe over dinner?

Hello, Archie.

Bloody hell!

I've had better welcomes.

Bombay Sapphire and slim-line tonic on the rocks, please. Twist of lemon.

Half a lager for the lady.

If I didn't know better, I'd say that you weren't very pleased to see me.