The Letdown

Dadda's gonna miss you.

- Yeah. - Well, she could always stay.

Yeah, I wish.

What have you got planned, anyway?

Well, I'm gonna go check out the footy this arvo with Pete...

- Mm-hm. - ... and then, catch up on some sleep.

Actually, maybe she could stay.

Maybe that's better.

No. No, I think, you know,

it's good for Lois to meet her great-granddaughter, isn't it?

- We'll just be cleaning all weekend. - All weekend?

- Pretty much. - Yeah?

Last year I spent a whole day doing the windows

with just one bucket of cold water and a capful of vinegar.

Think about the dust, she might have your allergies.

No, no, she's got no problem with dust.

- It's more about... - We don't know.

... getting the good country air, isn't it, into those little lungs?

What? We'll be inside cleaning the whole time.

Well, I'm really happy for her to stay here, with me,

but I think Lois is getting older and, you know,

God forbid if she was to die and then Stevie hasn't met her.

I doubt that, I've got good genes. Aunty Irene died at 107.

- Oh, yeah. - We've got plenty of time.

She can stay.

We probably don't really have enough food here, though...

- We have breast milk in the freezer. - You got a lot?

Yep. And I've just fed her. How many would... ?

How many would you need? One...

So, it's probably not enough, is it?

Eight, nine... You'll be fine!

- This will be good for you two. - Yeah.

That makes sense. Yep?

- Yeah. - OK.

It will be great, won't it?

So long as you're not just fleeing 'cause you're still mad at me.

If I were fleeing, I'd be fleeing to a very expensive boutique hotel,

I wouldn't be driving five hours

to clean my grandmother's putrid cottage, would I?

Just don't baptise her.

Yeah, don't go to mass with any strange men.

- Well, have fun, you two. - Oh, we will.

Mamma's gonna miss you.

Where's my pump?

OK, bye, love you, drive safe.

How the fuck did that just happen?

- Thanks for paying, darling. - That's alright.

I don't know why you don't just tap and go, so much easier.

Yeah, I do, just not as often as you, clearly.

Anyway, this weekend will be fun,

a proper catch-up, just the two of us.

Well, Mum will be there, are we just gonna ignore her?

Apparently she has news.

She's not sick, is she?

Oh, God, she'll be annoyed I didn't bring Stevie.

No, she won't. She hates babies, prefers foals.

I'll just catch up on sleep.

I only had three hours last night.

- I might nap in the car. - No.

No, you're driving. I... I need to study.

Hey, Mum, I'm... I'm actually pleased we're going away.

I, uh...

I did a... really stupid thing...

... the other day, even for me.

You know the dad in my mums' group?

Mum?

Mum?

- Mum?! - Oh, what?

What? Audrey, I'm reading, darling.

Reading.

You'll make a great therapist, Mum.

Oh, thanks. Thanks, darling.

- Hi. - Oh, hi. You OK?

Yeah. We are having a great time together.

Pretty sure she just...

Jeremy?

Jeremy, are you there? Jeremy?

I'm just having a bit of trouble getting her to take the bottle.

- Jeremy, are you there? Jerem... ? - Hello?

Aud? Audrey? Audrey?

There's no reception. Shit!

Yeah. Hello, darling.

- Thank you so much. Hey? - Don't worry about it.

Happens all the time.

- We're not made for multi-tasking. - No.

- Hello? - Mum?

Oh...

Oh, Lordy, that smell!

Get used to it.

- Lois, we're here! - Mum?

Oh. I'll make tea.

Yeah, check if she's made a slice.

Huh.

God, remember how many times

you made me watch this when I was, what, 11?

- What's that? - Kramer vs Kramer.

Oh.

Yeah, it was when we were thinking of getting a divorce.

Divorce? Huh.

And was Tootsie because Dad was secretly cross-dressing?

Oh, that's funny. You know, he did used to like putting on...

- Stop. Don't... - ... all of my...

Don't do... No.

Oh, can you make sure she hasn't died in her sleep?

Yep, alright.

Oh.

Hi.

Where's the baby?

She didn't bring it.

Oh, she's a stunner, sweetheart.

Make the picture bigger.

- Yeah, she's a real mix, isn't she? - Oh...

- I think that's Dad's nose. - Mm.

Obviously my cheeks. And maybe Jeremy's jawline?

Or maybe that's Mum.

Oh, she's nothing like your mother.

Oh, now, there was an ugly baby.

All this thick mop of hair, practically hirsute.

The neighbours thought we had a new puppy.

And big features.

Oh, took her years to grow into them.

And when she did, as we all know,

she grew very fond of her appearance.

Oh, that's lovely, that is.

You'll have some more? Oh, you've gotta try for a boy!

They're much easier.

Is there anywhere I can get reception?

I really should call them. Yeah. Yeah, up the back.

You go up the bridle path, past the Hamiltons' place,

and you'll get a signal when you get up to the top.

You know where I caught you rolling around with Mac?

When she was a teenager?

No. Last spring, wasn't it?

I'll take you up there tomorrow morning.

- Can we go now? - Darling, just... give them a night.

Right, I've cleaned out the shed

and there's a pile of stuff out there on the patio for the tip.

Unless you want some of it.

Well, are there my paintings?

Ah.

OK, well, I'll get started on the dusting.

Why is she clearing out the shed?

You don't think she's preparing for... death?

I don't think she's that considerate.

Oh, God, the flies.

Hate the country.

Oh, I hope they're OK.

But not too OK,

it would be good for Jeremy to experience the real hell of it.

Thank you.

- Cheers. - Cheers, mate.

- This isn't too bad, is it? - Yeah.

- Oh! - Can you imagine tackling Leilua?

- Be like trying to tackle a horse. - Yeah, like a working horse. Like a...

- Clydesdale. - ... Clydesdale.

- That's on steroids... - Yes!

... that's being ridden by another Clydesdale.

That's a jock... Yep.

Ugh. Ugh.

Ugh.

It's not that bad, is it?

- I'll change it at half-time. - Mate, you are immune.

Mate, your baby stinks, change its nappy.

Alright, mate, mind your own business.

He's right, it... stinks.

Hello?

Hello?

I just need to change my daughter's nappy.

It's a man, by the way.

Come on. There we go. Whoo.

How are we looking?

Whoa!

I need you to pop around the corner and just get us, um, some nappies.

No, not at half-time. Like, now would be...

Alright, after the kick. Oh, he's missed?

He's having a shocker. He's on my fantasy team.

Ugh.

Oh, come on.

Oh, good God.

Come on, can you help, please?

I've inhaled so much bleach, I've just had a nosebleed.

- Is that you? - Yeah, it's an old school selfie.

Ha! Are these all yours?

Yeah. Look at the legs on this one.

- Who's that you're hanging off? - Oh, gosh, I can't remember.

Handsome, though, look at that jaw.

He looks half your age.

Come on, I thought we were gonna knock this over this arvo.

Yeah, in a sec. Have you stripped the beds?

No, she said they're clean.

Well, by clean she means she's dusted them with baby powder.

Well, that would explain my leaking. Oh, I remember.

Darren Finch.

He wrote me letter after letter, till his wife found out.

Oh, charming.

You want to see something really dirty?

- No, not really. - Oh, Audrey, go on!

- Read that bit there. Just that bit. - What bit?

There. That bit. Read it.

Oh, wow.