Max Keeble's Big Move

IN A WORLD WHERE THE MESSENGERS OF TRUTH,

THE COURIERS OF JUSTICE, BRAVELY GO FORTH

TO COMPLETE THEIR APPOINTED ROUTES...

ONE LONE HERO STANDS OUT AMONG THE REST.

ONE FEARLESS RIDER HAS THE FORTITUDE

TO DELIVER THE GOODS.

TO STAND UP TO THE FORCES OF DARKNESS,

THE LEGIONS OF DOOM, THE ARMIES OF OPPRESSION,

AND THE EVIL ICE CREAM MAN.

PAPERBOY.

WELCOME TO THE ICE AGE, PAPERBOY!

WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!

NUTS! I FORGOT THE SPRINKLES!

HA HA HA HA HA!

HEY, MAX.

A TONY HAWK SUNDAE!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

THAT ICE CREAM MAN SURE IS EVIL.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HAH!

I WILL DEFEAT YOU

WITH MY COMPLICATED FIGHTING MOVE.

WE SHALL SEE WHOSE KUNG FU IS SUPERIOR. HYAH!

YAH!

YAH!

PAPERBOY POWER!

AAH!

HA.

DIDN'T HURT!

YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE, PAPERBOY!

WHOO-HOO!

YEAH!

PAPER?

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

I, STOPPED FOR SOME ICE CREAM.

AAH!

GET OUT OF BED, JABRODIE.

GET OUT OF BED, JABRODIE.

GET OUT OF BED...!

HEH.

OK, I DREAMED IT.

SO MAYBE MY LIFE REALLY ISN'T LIKE THAT.

AND MAYBE I'M NOT THE COOLEST KID EVER.

BUT TODAY WAS THE FIRST DAY OF JUNIOR HIGH,

AND I WAS SURE THAT THINGS WERE GONNA BE DIFFERENT.

YA-HA-HA!

I HAD A NEW LOOK.

I WAS A BALLER, A SHOT-CALLER.

I WAS A PLAYER WITH PHAT ATTITUDE.

OR, AS I LIKE TO CALL IT...

PHAT-ITUDE.

HI, MOM.

IT'S FINISHED. THE HOUSE IS PERFECT.

JUST AS I'D ALWAYS PICTURED IT.

BUT LET'S KEEP THAT BETWEEN YOU AND ME, OK?

MEET MY MOM.

SHE'S BEEN PUTTING THE "FINISHING TOUCHES"

ON OUR HOUSE FOR, LIKE, 6 YEARS.

YOU COULD SAY SHE'S A BIT OBSESSED.

THIS IS MY HOUSE. MY KITCHEN! MINE!

MORNING.

THIS IS MY DAD.

HE WORKS IN ADVERTISING. HIS BOSS, MR. FOGE,

MAKES HIM WEAR GOOFY COSTUMES SOMETIMES.

LUCKILY, HE'S GOT US FOR SUPPORT.

WHAT IS THAT?

HEH.

I'M, LIEUTENANT LOBSTER.

FOR THE LOBSTER SHACK PITCH TODAY?

DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO WEAR THAT?

LILY, COME ON.

FOGE HAS GOT A DOZEN JUNIOR AD EXECS

LINED UP BEHIND ME

WHO'D BE HAPPY TO BE LIEUTENANT LOBSTER.

FOGED AGAIN.

BUT JUST FOR THIS PITCH.

I BETTER BE OFF.

OFF TO JUNIOR HIGH,

MY LITTLE SOLDIER ALL GROWN UP..

GOOD LUCK, HONEY.

THANKS, MOM.

DON'T BREAK ANYTHING. OK, MOM.

HEY, MAX? YOU WANT A RIDE?

UM... THAT'S OK.

I'M GONNA TAKE THE BUS.

YEAH, THE BUS. RIGHT.

YOU KNOW THAT KID EVERYONE THINKS IS WEIRD,

BUT HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT EVERYONE THINKS?

THIS IS HIM. HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

HIS NAME'S ROBERT, BUT WE CALL HIM ROBE. GUESS WHY?

HEY, YOU GUYS!

THIS IS MY OTHER BEST FRIEND. HER NAME'S MEGAN.

SHE NEVER GOES ANYWHERE WITHOUT HER CLARINET...

AAH!

EVEN WHEN SHE TAKES A TRIP.

YOU OK?

YEAH, I'M TOUGH LIKE A TANK.

YEAH, THE SEPTIC TANK.

SAYS THE FREAK IN THE ROBE

THAT SMELLS LIKE DIAPERS.

MAX, WHERE'S YOUR BASSOON?

UM... MY BASSOON...

I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA TAKE BAND TOGETHER.

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

IT'S JUNIOR HIGH. IS BAND STILL COOL?

COOL? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SINCE WHEN HAVE WE BEEN COOL?

ALL I'M SAYIN' IS,

LET'S TRY TO ACT COOL.

SWEET! A CAN.

BLECH! EWW!

FOR THE YEARBOOK.

HOW'S THIS? "SHEEP ARRIVE FOR SLAUGHTER"?

NO, NO, NO! PLEASE! PLEASE!

DON'T MAKE ME GO!

I DON'T WANNA GO! I DON'T WANNA GO!

DOES HE KNOW SOMETHING WE DON'T?

HERE THEY COME.

WITH THEIR PIMPLES AND THEIR BRACES

AND THEIR RICKETS AND THEIR LICE.

THEIR SNOT-NOSED, BAGGY-PANTSED,

HIGH-PITCHED, SQUEALING VOICES.

AND YET, EACH ONE A RUNG

ON THE LADDER OF MY SUCCESS.

A LADDER THAT ENDS IN A VAST NEON SIGN

THAT STRETCHES ACROSS THE NIGHT SKY.

PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE?

THESE CAME FROM YOUR REAL-ESTATE AGENT.

THE SIGN, MRS. RANGOON. WHAT DOES IT SAY?

"SUPERINTENDENT JINDRAIKE."

THE SIGN ON MY OFFICE DOOR.

THAT'S WHAT IT SHOULD SAY.

SOUNDS SO MUCH BETTER

THAN "SUPERINTENDENT KNEBWORTH."

IT'S CLASSIER, TOO.

WHEN KNEBWORTH SEES WHAT I'VE DONE HERE

IN HIS HONOR, THE OLD DINOSAUR

IS SURE TO MAKE ME HIS SUCCESSOR.

BUT, FIRST THINGS FIRST, MRS. RANGOON.

SET UP THE VIDEO BROADCAST MACHINE DEVICE.

I WANT TO ADDRESS THE ACNE-STRAFED MASSES.

AAH!

CURTIS JUNIOR HIGH HAS A LONG

AND FASCINATING HISTORY OF COLORFUL BULLIES.

YOU'RE LYING.

AM I?

IN 1985, TOMATO-FACE CALLAHAN.

HE'D WALK RIGHT UP TO YOU

AND SHOVE A TOMATO IN YOUR FACE.

1991, WEDGIE JACKSON.

HE INVENTED THE WORLD WIDE WEDGE.

WHICH BRINGS US TO THIS YEAR.

TROY McGINTY.

WORD IS, HE'S GONNA POUND

ON A DIFFERENT KID EVERY DAY.

AND HE'S DEVISED HIS OWN SPECIAL WY

OF LETTING THE WORLD KNOW

WHO HE'S COMING AFTER.

MAX KEEBLE?

HERE.

ALL RIGHT. JULIUS KLINGHOFFER.

HERE. ALL RIGHT.

LIL'... LIL' ROMEO?

YO, WHUZZUP? I'M OVER HERE, WO DAT.

OK.

LIL' ROMEO'S IN THE HOUSE.

I'M DOWN WITH THAT.

TINA MICHAELS?

AND NOW...

THIS IS PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE.

ALL STUDENTS WILL REPORT TO THE ASSEMBLY HALL

DURING THIRD PERIOD FOR A SPECIAL PRESENTATION.

ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY.

ALL MUST ATTEND.

NOT ATTENDING IS PROHIBITED.

THAT IS ALL.

THANK YOU.

YES! THE REVIEWS ARE IN.

HAA! JINDRAIKE, 2 THUMBS UP.

I LAUGHED, I CRIED.

THE MAN'S A GENIUS.

PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE!

WHAT IS IT NOW, RANGOON?

THE RED LIGHT'S STILL ON.

I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT.

DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!

GOOD MORNING.

I'M MS. DINGMAN, AND WELCOME TO LIFE SCIENCE.

YOU OK?

I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS.

LIKE THIS.

PHEROMONES.

NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.

ODORLESS, COLORLESS.

IT'S HOW MANY SPECIES ATTRACT MATES.

A CHEMICAL PROCESS WHICH CAUSES

AN IRRESISTIBLE ATTRACTION...

IN THE... AHEM... OPPOSITE SEX.

ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE.

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