Claws

Previously on "Claws"...

We start home salon parties with Oxy

and have reps out there selling for us.

Breathe in light.

Breathe out fear.

Do you want to get coffee?

I would very much like that.

Filthy betraying bitch, get the hell out!

Bye, girls.

I assembled a tough-a-shit brigade of loyal soldiers

to be our corner boys.

Meet my old prison softball team.

Ladies.

Somebody OD'd at a Claws Up party.

Press shock button now.

- -

I've started a business with some of my clients,

and we could use your truck to, uh,

make some deliveries for me.

What kind of deliveries?

Tony: Oh, shit, what is this?

Well, this is your reward

for delivering all those Claws Up kits.

Oh, hell yeah.

Mm.

Wait, not so fast.

I've got one more job for you, baby.

Ooh, Ebony Man! Where you going looking so fine?

I'm about to see someone special for a meeting of the minds.

Okay.

Well, you sure it's just your minds

that's gonna be meeting?

Ha ha ha. I-I-I can't move as quickly

or as loudly as you and Tony.

I'm a bit more measured when it comes to intercourse.

Well, don't hate.

So...spill the tea. Who is this young lady?

Well, she's a lady, but young, she's not.

I believe she almost qualifies for Medicare.

I know you lying.

She's 62, but she's a very youthful spirit,

and she follows a diet based on the paleolithic era.

Who is this dinosaur?

Dessie, dinosaurs have been extinct for 165 million years.

Dean Simms, what is her name?

Oh, Eve, and she's the instructor

in Quiet Ann's birthing class at the community center.

Whoa, pump the brakes.

You're going to Quiet Ann's birthing class?

Yeah, I-I volunteered to be her partner.

In fact, we -- we have a class tonight.

Dean! Why would you do that?

You know I don't deal with that quiet traitor.

Well, you're not allowed to dictate what I do

or -- or who I associate with.

You signed a contract for our adult sibling relationship,

and it was notarized, making it legal.

Okay, okay.

You're right.

We both grown.

Do you, boo.

Besides, meeting Eve helped me discover my life's purpose --

midwifery.

Mid-wif-a-what?

Midwifery.

Dean, this is crazier than the time

you let Melba rebirth you.

W-Well, maybe that led me to this new dream,

the dream I never knew I had, and now --

now I'm going to be late to meet with Eve.

There's a late-night birthing class

that coincides with the waning gibbous moon.

We're discussing the maintenance of the nursing nipple.

It's a very needy structure, Dessie, very needy.

You don't know nothing about birthing no babies!

Well, I don't know what to do, Pol.

I mean, Dessie is being so extrathese days.

She always has to be right.

Y'all still arguing?

Girl, there ain't no arguing.

If I want to be her number two,

I've just got to shut up and do what she says.

Yeah, but she's been like that before Claws Up.

I mean, she wears that boss necklace like a bookmark.

Hey, Smooth Criminal, what you got in that box?

Oh, nothing, just some new, uh...underwear.

Big box for a couple of thongs.

Claws Up consultants reporting for duty.

Here by command of the queen.

So what does Desna want with the top tier?

Well, she had to step out for a hot sec,

but she's going to fill y'all in.

Yes, as soon as she's done with her little afternoon delight.

Ooh! I hope hot boy don't break mama's back.

Don't be jealous because I got a youngster

in my bed sweating out my edges.

But that's not the only reason I ran home.

I wanted to pick up...this.

Ooh!

It's the very first Claws Up Consultant of the Month award,

and I am presenting this to...

Bambi! -Oh!

Oh, my!

All: Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Let me tell you, you are killing it.

Not only did you sell out two complete nail kits,

your ass recruited seven new people to join the company.

I want y'all to put y'all hands together

for the sharpest claw in here.

Yay.

Thank y'all so much.

You don't know how much this means to me,

how much this job means to me.

Lou and I have been sleeping in the back of his auto shop.

We can't afford to pay rent.

We have a shit ton of medical bills.

It's been real tough, and this extra money

has been such a blessing.

-Aw, Bambi, we love you. -We've got you, girl.

Stop crying. Stop crying.

We are not having a "Waiting to Exhale" moment right now.

-Oh, okay. -All right?

Now I want y'all to get out there and push them nail kits.

I'm going to outsell you, boo,

and I'm going to steal that chain.

Oh, not before I beat you to it first, bitch.

Skippy!

Can't fight it!

Boy, she going to smack you bald.

Executive team, we are going out tonight to celebrate.

Up in the club!

-Oh! -Ladies!

Quiet Ann: ...if you want to hang out by the Kmart place.

Bridget, you're going to stay by the Highway 301.

So now we have Cherry's turf,

which is east of the homeless camp,

south of that new cardio barre place,

and that's everybody.

Hey, you guys -- you guys started without me?

Hey, Bryce.

I had an idea about how to divide up territories.

I'll tell you what, Bryce, maybe if you showed up on time

with your own lesbian prison softball team,

you can call the shots.

All right, ladies.

You were the baddest bitches

in the intramural corrections league.

Am I right?

-Yeah. -Yes!

Let's bring that same hustle slinging these patches.

Bryce here will give you your stash.

Let's get to work.

All right now.

Damn.

Uncle Daddy: Ladies looking formidable.

Look at you, Monica, what do you bench press, 200, 275?

-At least. -Yeah. All right.

Ann.

-Making some money. -Hey.

I just wanted to say that I'm happy to be working with you.

It's great to have you.

You were the best glove in the infield, Cherry.

Maybe we can grab a drink, and I can show you

that I'm still good with my glove.

Why don't you get back in line, and we can talk later?

Definitely.

-What was that all about? -Nothing.

-That didn't look like nothing. -No, nothing.

That filly is lifting tail for you.

You've got to jump on that, little mama.

Arlene just died, man.

Oh, s-- I hear you. I hear you.

Okay, my heart and my loins, they --

they ain't been the same since Toby left

and Brenda went on the campaign trail with Trump.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe it's time to hop back on that horse.

I'm pregnant.

That don't mean you can't screw.

Look, maybe it's time for both of us

to rip that Band-Aid off the wounds

and find someone to be with.

Not forever. It can just be for tonight.

When you worked for Desna,

you never got to take time to enjoy yourself.

Come on now, Arlene wouldn't want you to be all alone,

hurting and celibate like some, uh, drug-dealing nun.

I know that Toby and Brenda wouldn't wish that for me.

You're right.

Maybe it's time.

Pinky is waiting.

Hey, are you still interested in going out?

I was thinking mini golf tonight.