Ground Floor

Hey, babe. I'm home.

- I'm in the office. - Oh!

Now I'm in the kitchen.

I can't hear you. I'm in the bedroom.

You know, I love that we can have sex

in every room of the house at the same time.

What you doing? I got my first take-home test.

Oh. It's the first test I've taken in years

that doesn't require a urine sample.

Ah!

- Econ 101. - Mm-hmm.

If you need me to look over your answers, I could do...

No, I feel pretty good about it.

Pretty good?

Multiple choice, huh?

Mm-hmm. Do you feel like you chose the right answer for number four?

Because I "c" what I would have done.

Do you...

"C" what I "c"?

I see what you're trying to do right now.

Yeah, you're right. It's totally your test.

But number nine, though, can you "b" sure?

I would... "B" wondering.

Brody, Brody. Yeah.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

If you would like to be with me and see me naked, stop being such a d... Ick.

All right.

Don't do it.

And I have to do it. God, I am such a d-ick.

Hey, babe.

Hey, babe!

Aww, this is a nice surprise. Aww, this is a nice surprise.

Mm. That's so sweet.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Does it bother you that you and Jenny

aren't the only happy couple around here anymore?

You're crushing my uterus!

Naughty.

Well, anyways, better get back downstairs.

I don't want the boss to know I'm gone.

- So, I have some big news. - Oh.

Guess who got an "A" on her first test.

Correct answer... me.

- Ah! We did it! - "We"?

No, like, whee! You did it!

Oh, hey, um, is Mansfield around?

I want to thank him again for paying for my tuition,

so I'm gonna invite him over to dinner.

And I'm gonna invite the pope over to watch "Scandal."

Okay, what's that supposed to mean?

Look, Mansfield has never accepted an invitation

to do anything social with any of us.

He always says it's his wife's birthday.

She had like 19 birthdays last year.

When I invited him over to watch the world series,

she had seven of them in two weeks.

Uh, well, I've got two things that you guys don't have.

I have a hat and a sweatshirt from the campus store that I bought, okay?

- You're gross. - What?

We didn't say anything.

I was thinking it.

So, so, so, Richard branson, Bono, and Joe Montana walk into a bar.

Ah, I love these jokes. What happened next, sir?

It's not a joke.

They invited me to join them, and we had a lovely evening.

You got us again, sir.

You think we would've learned our lesson when you told us

how you and the prime minister of Poland changed a light bulb.

Yeah, it, uh... it only took two of us.

He held the ladder, and I turned it.

Uh, sir, I wanted to thank you again for paying for my classes,

so I got you a couple of presents,

and I-I wanted to invite you over for dinner tomorrow night.

Oh, that's very nice.

As it turns out, it's my wife's birthday.

- Happy Birthday. - That was a fast year.

Yeah, I don't know.

Which she'll be celebrating with her sister,

so I'm free to come over to your place.

You'll be what, when, why?

Great! Okay. Um, so it's at 8:30.

There's my address. Oh, look at that.

Do you realize when I was a little boy,

this was the neighborhood where hobos went to die.

It still is.

- I'll see you there. - Okay.

He's actually coming.

Sir, I have two tickets to the Niners...

It's my wife's birthday.

I can't believe Mansfield's actually coming over for dinner.

This is the next logical progression in our relationship.

I went from employee to right-hand man and now... Friend.

You know, I wonder how many of his "friends"

live in a zero-bedroom, half-bath apartment

that was once featured in the show "cops."

Look, man, Mansfield knows where Jenny lives.

It's just gonna be a casual dinner with friends.

Mr. Moyer, about tomorrow night...

Now, Jenny invited me to "dinner"

at 8:30, which makes it supper,

so are we talking evening wear or formal wear?

It's obviously not casual.

Uh, I-I'll check with Jenny.

Great.

Now let's get down to business.

The financial news channel called.

They want us to do the on-air market wrap-up tomorrow,

and they asked me for my best man.

- Me? - No, me.

I'm my best man. Right.

But I have already committed to your very unusual supper-dinner hybrid.

Ooh, me.

- Who? Who? Who? - Me. Me. Me.

- Who keeps saying "me"? - I'm saying "me." Me, me, me, me.

- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me! - You do it!

Yeah! All right, Mr. Wen! Just don't screw it up!

Yeah!

Well, I'll see you tomorrow at, uh, "meal tbd."

Okay.

Oh, and... and I'm sure you already have

your menu prepared, but please write this down.

I am allergic to pheasant...

Pheasant... And grackle.

Well, we had grackle last night, so...

- What's grackle? - What's grackle?

I don't know.

Hey. Good news.

Instead of having Mansfield over to your place,

I made us a reservation at Solasse.

I can't afford Solasse.

Look, I get you. I understand you. I'll pay.

No, no, this is my thank-you present to Mr. Mansfield, not yours.

Babe, I am hearing you. I am listening to you right now.

Okay, okay, first, stop reading my Cosmo.

And you know what? I want to do it at my place.

That's the whole point.

You don't understand Mansfield.

When he sits down to dinner, he expects to see four forks.

Well, I've got five forks.

Per person.

Jenny, if we do it at your place, we're gonna have to rent forks.

Uh-oh. Awkward.

They're fighting.

We're not fighting.

Oh, you need privacy?

No. He needs a consultation with Dr. Love.

Brody, as another man in a sexual relationship...

Yes, my relationship has become sexual, but I do not want to talk about it.

I really don't want to talk about it.

Good. Because it's private.

And by private, I mean...

Spectacular.

So, I finally took Harvard shopping because...

He dresses like a lesbian librarian.

No, because he refuses to spend money on himself.

Wait till you see what I bought him.

He has such a rugged sensuality.

I mean, I don't have to tell you.

No, you don't. Ever again.

And as someone who is having coitus non-interruptus...

Harvard.

Did you just bring me over here

so you could tell me you're having sex with Lindsay?

No. Because that's private.

What I will tell you, though, is that Lindsay and I do not fight,

so if you need any help, I am here for you...

Mm-hmm... As a friend...

And a sexual being.

E-excuse me for a second.

Hey, uh, Jenny, I know you really want to have Mansfield over for dinner.

Don't you think that a dinner party

with three people is gonna be a little awkward?

Yeah, actually, you're right.

Hey, Lindsay, do you and Harvard want to join us for dinner tomorrow night?

We'd love to!

Great.

This will make it so much less awkward.

And the dow closed up six points, ending the week up 1 1/2%.

This has been Mike "Threepeat" Wen signing off from Remington Trust.

What do you think?

Be honest. Do not sugarcoat it.

That was the worst thing I've ever seen.

You could have put a little sugar on it.

I did.

Dude, I'm so screwed.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

It's dry-heave time.

Dude, come on. Calm down.

If you need some acting tips, I can give you some.

Oh, what do you know about acting?

I don't like to talk about this, but I used to be on TV.

You might have seen my work in the late '80s.

With nine kinds of lasagna and our endless pasta bar,

vito's has something for everyone in the family.

I love the pasghetti!

You were pasghetti kid? You were huge!

They played that commercial for eight years straight.

I bought all my weed at high school off of that.

Man, I-I've always wanted to be that famous.

You got to do it for me.