Inglourious Basterds

Chapter One

Once upon a time...

in Nazi-occupied France

Go back inside and shut the door.

Julie, get me some water for my wash up...

...then get inside with your sisters.

Ready, Papa.

Thank you, my darling...

...now you go inside with your sisters.

Don't run.

Is this the property of Perrier LaPadite?

I am Perrier LaPadite.

It is a pleasure to meet you, Monsieur LaPadite...

...I am Colonel Hans Landa of the SS.

What can I do for you?

I was hoping you could invite me inside your home...

...and we may have a discussion.

Certainly. After you.

Colonel Landa, this is my family.

Colonel Hans Landa of the SS...

...Mademoiselle...

...at your service.

The rumors I have heard in the village about your family are all true.

Each one of your daughters is more lovely than the last.

Merci.

Please...

...have a seat.

Suzanne, would you be so good as to get the Colonel some wine?

But no.

Merci beaucoup, Monsieur LaPadite, but no wine.

This being a dairy farm, one would be safe in assuming you have milk?

Oui.

Then milk is what I prefer.

Very well.

Julie, would you mind closing the window?

Merci.

Monsieur, to both your family and your cows...

...I say, "Bravo."

Thank you.

Please join me at your table.

Very well.

Monsieur LaPadite...

...what we have to discuss would be better discussed in private.

You'll notice I left my men outdoors.

If it wouldn't offend them, could you ask your lovely ladies to step outside?

You are right.

Charlotte, would you take the girls outside?

The Colonel and I need to have a few words.

Monsieur LaPadite...

...I regret to inform you I've exhausted the extent of my French.

To continue to speak it so inadequately would only serve to embarrass me.

However, I've been led to believe you speak English quite well.

Yes.

Well, it just so happens, I do as well. This being your house...

...I ask your permission to switch to English...

...for the remainder of the conversation.

By all means.

While I'm very familiar with you and your family,

I have no way of knowing if you are familiar with who I am.

Are you aware of my existence?

- Yes. - This is good.

Now, are you aware of the job I've been ordered to carry out in France?

Yes.

Please tell me what you've heard.

I've heard

that the Führer has put you in charge of rounding up the Jews left in France

who are either hiding or passing for Gentile.

The Führer couldn't have said it better himself.

But the meaning of your visit,

pleasant though it is, is mysterious to me.

The Germans looked through my house nine months ago for hiding Jews

and found nothing.

I'm aware of that.

I've read the reports of this area.

But like any enterprise, when under new management,

there is always a slight duplication of efforts,

most of it being a complete waste of time, but needs to be done nevertheless.

I just have a few questions, monsieur LaPadite.

If you can assist me with answers,

my department can close the file on your family.

Now,

before the occupation, there were four Jewish families in this area,

all dairy farmers like yourself.

Doleracs, Rollins, the Loveitts

and the Dreyfuses.

Is that correct?

To my knowledge,

those were the Jewish families among the dairy farmers.

Herr Colonel, would it disturb you if I smoked my pipe?

Please, monsieur LaPadite,

this is your house, make yourself comfortable.

Now, according to these papers,

all the Jewish families in this area have been accounted for

except the Dreyfuses.

Somewhere in the last year it would appear they've vanished.

Which leads me to the conclusion that they've either made good their escape

or someone is very successfully hiding them.

What have you heard about the Dreyfuses, monsieur LaPadite?

- Only rumors. - I love rumors!

Facts could be so misleading,

where rumors, true or false, are often revealing.

So, monsieur LaPadite,

what rumors have you heard regarding the Dreyfuses?

Again, this is just a rumor,

but we heard the Dreyfuses had made their way into Spain.

So, the rumors you've heard have been of escape?

Yes.

Having never met the Dreyfuses, would you confirm for me

the exact members of the household and their names?

There were five of them.

The father, Jacob.

Wife, Miram.

And her brother, Bob.

How old is Bob?

Thirty, 31.

Continue.

And the children,

Amos

and Shosanna.

Ages of the children?

Amos was nine or 10.

- And Shosanna? - And Shosanna was

18 or 19. I'm not really sure.

Well, I guess that should do it.

However, before I go, could I have another glass of your delicious milk?

But of course.

Monsieur LaPadite,

are you aware of the nickname the people of France have given me?

I have no interest in such things.

But you are aware of what they call me.

I'm aware.

What are you aware of?

- That they call you "The Jew Hunter." - Precisely.

I understand your trepidation in repeating it.

Heydrich apparently hates the moniker

the good people of Prague have bestowed on him.

Actually, why he would hate the name "the Hangman" is baffling to me.

It would appear he has done everything in his power to earn it.

Now I, on the other hand, love my unofficial title

precisely because I've earned it.

The feature that makes me such an effective hunter of the Jews is,

as opposed to most German soldiers,

I can think like a Jew

where they can only think like a German.

More precisely, a German soldier.

Now, if one were to determine what attribute the German people share with a beast,

it would be the cunning and the predatory instinct of a hawk.

But if one were to determine what attributes the Jews share with a beast,

it would be that of the rat.

The Führer and Goebbels' propaganda have said pretty much the same thing.

But where our conclusions differ,

is I don't consider the comparison an insult.

Consider for a moment the world a rat lives in.

It's a hostile world, indeed.

If a rat were to scamper through your front door, right now,

would you greet it with hostility?

I suppose I would.

Has a rat ever done anything to you to create this animosity you feel toward them?

Rats spread disease. They bite people.

Rats were the cause of the bubonic plague, but that's some time ago.

I propose to you any disease a rat could spread,

a squirrel could equally carry.

Would you agree?

Yet, I assume you don't share the same animosity with squirrels

- that you do with rats, do you? - No.

Yet, they're both rodents, are they not?

And except for the tail, they even rather look alike, don't they?

It's an interesting thought, Herr Colonel.

However interesting as the thought may be,

it makes not one bit of difference to how you feel.

If a rat were to walk in here, right now, as I'm talking

would you greet it with a saucer of your delicious milk?

Probably not.

I didn't think so.

You don't like them.

You don't really know why you don't like them.

All you know is you find them repulsive.

Consequently, a German soldier conducts a search

of a house suspected of hiding Jews.

Where does the hawk look?

He looks in the barn, he looks in the attic, he looks in the cellar,

he looks everywhere he would hide.

But there are so many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide.

However, the reason the Führer has brought me off my Alps in Austria

and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me.

Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of

once they abandon dignity.

May I smoke my pipe as well?

Please, Herr Colonel, make yourself at home.

Now, my job dictates

that I must have my men enter your home

and conduct a thorough search

before I can officially cross your family's name off my list.

And if there are any irregularities to be found, rest assured they will be.

That is unless you have something to tell me

that makes the conducting of a search unnecessary.

I might add, also, that any information

that makes the performance of my duty easier will not be met with punishment.

Actually, quite the contrary. It will be met with reward.