The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

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Why don't you go back to bed? I'll keep the kids quiet.

You know I never can get back to sleep.

- Is there any coffee? - It's not finished yet.

Have some orange juice. You'll feel better.

This house is damp. Doesn't the dampness ever bother you?

Any house by the sea is bound to be damp.

No. This house is special. It'll always be special.

It'll always be that damp summer place on Gloucester Island.

Two-and-a-half months here,

it'll take two-and-a-half years for my bones to dry out.

Here, listen to my back.

There. Did you hear that?

- I don't hear anything. - Listen! There!

Tomorrow, we'll be going home.

You'll be nice and dry.

Your back won't make a sound, and we'll never go anywhere again.

Ever.

We'll go.

Dad! Mom! There's some men outside!

- There are what? - There are men outside! Lots of men!

- There are? What are they doing, Pete? - I don't know. They're creeping!

- They're creeping, are they? Listen... - I think they're creeping up on this house!

But, Dad!

Pete! Annie's asleep upstairs.

- They've got guns! I saw their guns! - Maybe it's an ambush.

Why don't you go outside and play some tennis?

Okay.

I warned you.

I know.

- Bacon and eggs all right? - No. I'll get dressed first.

It's too damp to eat.

Honey, I have to work today, I really do. What's the plan? Do I have to pack?

Walt, you don't have to do a thing.

Alison's coming. We're going to spend the day packing.

I'll keep the kids away, and you can work.

You know Larry's going to scream if I don't get that second act worked out.

I told him last Wednesday I already had it. I don't even have an idea for it.

You will. You know you will.

You know how producers are. He'll say it's a masterpiece.

And it probably will be.

You get dressed, eat a good breakfast, and just do it.

All right?

Yeah.

They're hiding out by the garage now.

And there's this great big one, like Uncle Harry.

Like Uncle Harry?

Okay, Pete. You keep an eye on them.

I'll never get any work done today.

People running around the house.

Hello, good morning.

Okay?

- How are you? - Very good.

Annie was awake till 10:00. I'll let her sleep.

The toast is burning.

This darn thing.

Why I ever let that agent talk me into $125 for the dampest house in the...

- I counted them. There are nine of them. - Come on.

Two of them've got Tommy guns,

and they're all talking some foreign language.

- They could be Russians or something! - Sit down and eat your breakfast.

- You don't even believe me! - Just eat.

Okay.

Someone at the door.

You always know everything.

- What? What do you mean? - It's probably Alison.

- I'll get it. - I'll get it.

Alison, this early in the morning? No, I'll get it.

Good morning, sir. A pleasant good morning to you.

Good morning.

Please permit me to apologize for this unusual disturbance,

but we are hoping for some conversations, please.

Lady, and a young boy.

Good morning, also, my dear lady. Good morning, young boy.

We are two strangers in this island,

and we wish to speak with you about boats.

Boats?

- About boats? - Yes, that is most exactly correct.

Boats.

I don't understand. I mean, who are you?

- I didn't hear a car. How did you... - Please, not to be afraid. We are nobody.

We wish only to inquire where to find powerboat.

Motor-powerboat for private use for some brief little time, you understand?

Sorry, but I still don't understand. There are no boats around here.

- No boats? - No.

This is an island with no boats?

There are boats, some boats, but not around here. In town.

In the harbor in town, but there are none around here.

- Big boats? - Yeah.

- Motor-powerboats? - All different kinds of boats.

Ask them if they're Russians.

A nice little boy there. Which way to harbor, please?

It's five miles down.

- Ask them if they're Russians! - Peter, be quiet.

A clever little boy, very clever, to see that my friend and I are foreigners here.

But of course, not Russians, naturally.

What would the Russians be doing on United States of America island

with so many animosities and hatreds between these two countries?

It is too funny idea, is it not?

No, we are, of course, Norwegians.

Norwegians?

On a small training exercise for the NATO countries...

- NATO. - NATO countries, of course, yes.

To reach place of power motorboats

is necessary to make borrowings of automobile for short time only, sir.

- May I ask you something? - Yes, of course.

Are there nine of you out there? Are you all Russians with machine guns?

And does one of you look like Uncle... I mean, look like a wrestler?

I'm sorry to comply with your statement, but misfortunately

all of the answers to these questions are yes.

He's got a gun!

- Please, to step inside the house. - No, just wait a minute.

- You can't come in here. - Lady, not to worry, for no harm is coming.

No harm. Absolutely no harm.

Don't be frightened. There's an explanation. I'm sorry I didn't believe you, son.

- All to keeping calm. - Yes.

I repeat, no harm is coming. All now, please, being seated.

It's all right, just take it easy. Pete, don't be scared.

- There's no need to be scared. - I'm not scared.

Good boy. Now, to answer some few questions

very quickly, so that there is no necessity howsoever...

- Whatsoever. - Whatsoever!

So that there is no necessity howsoever

why everybody in such a nice American family

should get shot to little pieces.

You understand? Yes. Good.

- What else people are in this house? - What?

There's only our little girl. She's asleep upstairs.

But she's only a little baby.

So. First is necessary to make borrowings of automobile.

Where are keys?

In my purse.

Bag.

If you don't mind, please.

Very good.

What is population of island, please?

- It's about 200 people. - Honey, there's more than that.

In September? You're thinking of the summer.

No, in West Village, all the farms. You forgot to count the farms.

No matter! Not many people.

Please, you know of no boat except at boat place?

No boat close to where we are here?

No, there just aren't any boats.

Very few questions more.

Don't tell them anything! We'd be traitors!

Pete, just keep quiet. Here.

There is no establishment of US Navy or Army or Coastal Guardians on island?

No US of Air Force?

No, there are no bases on Gloucester.

Gloucester.

Police constabulary? How many members of police department here? 20, 40?

No, there are not that many. Maybe three or four.

Don't tell them anything. He hasn't even tortured you yet!

- Pete. - Listen. No one's going to be tortured.

Couldn't you at least give us some idea what this is all about?

I know it's none of...

None of my business, but...

It is necessary for you to remain in this house,

I hope, most vigorously, for short time only.

- We're not going anywhere, so that... - Good.

Please, to remain absolutely good-behaved, so that this man here,

a marksman of prize-winning caliber,

will not have the necessity of shooting you to small pieces.

- I forgot. I meant to, but I forgot. - Listen, there isn't much gas in the car.

The gas. Petrol.

- Gasoline. - No time for stupid tricks.

Just to keep absolutely good-behaved, yes?

Madam, once more, I apologize for all this.

Why'd you let him do that? What'd you let him kiss your hand for?

- I didn't know what he was going to do. - You could have pulled it away.

I didn't want to make him mad.

- Pete! Come back here! - Walt!

I'll call the police, that's what!

It doesn't buzz. They must've cut the telephone line.

Is true. Now, please to sit down with Mama and Papa, all together, yes?

Listen to me. You're not to try anything like that again, do you hear?

- It's Annie! - It's my sister!

Good morning, Mommy.

Good morning, darling.

I'm hungry. I want my breakfast.

All right, Annie.

All right, you'll have your breakfast.

Please, Mister and Missus.

I am most sinceriously sorry for incident with little girl.

Suddenness of noise...

What's your name?

Alexei Kolchin.

My name's Annie Whittaker. I'm going to be four.

Where did you come from?

From Soviet Navy submarine boat.