Son of a Critch

Adult mark: The provincial drama festival

Was the stanley cup for theatre nerds,

And I wanted to be the gretzky of the stage.

Like jerry lewis and charlie chaplin,

I was directing!

We decided to write our own play,

But my friends were as bad at writing as they were at acting.

I have the test results.

You're pregnant.

but I'm only 16!

A-- a child having a child?!

What'll I tell my parents?

-That's not all. You also have...

Herpes!

Adult mark : We put the "drama" in drama festival.

-It was supposed to be just one kiss!

But then I had just one beer, and now I'll have just one baby!

Mark: Fox!

Come on, this is the cue to cue!

You're on lights. This is for you!

-Frig off, you're not a teacher!

You can't tell me what to do.

I'm the director.

That's exactly what I'm supposed to do.

Tina...

That was a little big.

-A little big? What's that even mean?

This play sucks!

-Guys! We can still win this.

I mean, teen sex, drugs, pregnancy!

We're a shoe-in.

The adjudicator had a role on degrassi!

Adult mark: Stacey devine!

A newfoundland actress on national tv.

Unheard of!

Stacey: no running!

Adult mark : It was only one line, but still!

This could be my big break!

-My back hurts. Can I get up now?

Fine.

Adult mark: If we were going to win,

They didn't need direction, they needed inspiration!

Guys...

Who else is writing their own show?

This a collective.

A troupe. This is a family.

Other schools may have bigger casts or bigger sets.

But...

We've got something they don't.

Us!

Now, let's take it from the top.

Adult mark: This could be my big break.

Action!

Ritche: Uh...

Line?

Adult mark: We didn't stand a chance.

-You're late gettin' that turkey in!

He's gonna be here soon!

I'm goin' as fast as I can.

Adult mark: The festival wasn't my only

Acting challenge.

Pop's brother was coming home from the states,

So we all had to act like we were normal.

-How's your play? Mike, we need to get tickets.

Mark: Oh, don't bother. It's a disaster.

I'm working with amateurs.

I know what you mean.

Stuff it! Don't beat it to death.

-Where does your brother live, again?

Newfoundland...

New jersey.

-There's a newfoundland in new jersey?

-A lot of newfoundlanders moved away

During the depression.

Now, your great-uncle leo is a big success.

He managed a steel plant. He's the only rich critch.

-So why's he coming back here, then?

Pop: Good question!

He hasn't shown his face around these parts in 25 years.

'cause he's a stuck-up arse.

-Whatever the reason, he's coming,

And we want him to feel at home.

That's why we're throwing him a nice thanksgiving dinner.

Isn't thanksgiving in October?

-Americans celebrate in November.

That's what you call "multiculturalism," hm?

-Well, if he's so rich, maybe he'll bring us

Something nice from new york, huh?

-Heh. Good luck.

He's tighter than a cod's arse.

He could peel an orange in his pocket.

Mary: Oh, pack!

I lost me ring!

Where?

Where do you think? Up its arse!

-You can't serve a turkey with a ring inside!

It's not a box of cracker jacks. Find it!

Ah!

Oh.

It was in the dressing.

-Stuffing, not dressing! Stuffing!

It's an american thanksgiving.

I will stuff you!

Never seen an american before.

-They're like mainlanders, only louder.

Hm.

Were you in my room?

No.

Swear to god...

-Then why are you wearing my turtle neck?

It's my director aesthetic.

-Ah. Nerd. I'm gonna kill ya!

-No! -Come here!

Mike sr: Boys, boys! Now, stop your skylarking!

Mark: Not the face! I am an actor!

Mary: If I drop this friggin' turkey...

mike sr: Give it up!

Come here! Give it up!

Alright, quit it! Give it up!

Give it up!

-I knocked! -Leo?

You never answered.

It's not always about you, leo.

Brothers.

Leo: So I told him, "I run this steel yard,

"you're workin' for me, you're on time.

"you're fired!"

-You know, I'm currently dealing with some staffing...

Incompetencies, myself.

-In this world, the only person you rely on is yourself.

Adult mark : I'd never seen american bravado before.

He was like john wayne and frank sinatra mixed together.

Leo: Hey, boys.

Something to remember me by.

A little greenie.

-Oh... -American money!

-There's always been two critch brothers.

Me and pat...

Your dad, poor brendan...

And now, you two boys.

No more fighting?

Yes, sir.

There you go.

-Alright, stop playing the big shot, leo.

There's no need for that.

Ah, who's it gonna hurt?

I got plenty anyway and no one to give it to.

Hey, that reminds me.

Mark, will you bring that big box from the hallway?

Mary, darling, come in here!

-Ah, supper-- I mean, dinner, is almost ready.

This is for you.

Oh...

When my jenny died,

I started giving her clothes to the goodwill.

Then I decided to come home and I thought,

"here's where they'll do more good."

Oh...

oh...

Well, that is...

Quite a dress.

Pop: Did you forget to pack the penicillin?

Where do you think this is?

We don't need your care packages!

It's very kind of you, leo.

-Yeah, you know, mom, you should try it on.

Oh, not while I'm cooking.

I wouldn't want to get a stain on it.

-But, mom... It's from america!

Pop: Careful in the kitchen.

Looks flammable.

Mike jr: my god!

An american thanksgiving in newfoundland.

They'll never believe me back home!

So, pop,

You ever wish you went off to live in the states like leo?

He did.

Ah, that's enough of that.

-Did you see the empire state building?

Leo: See it? We built it!

We worked in the high steel together.

-Alright, alright, if the story's gonna be told,

I'll tell you the story.

He'll only arse it up.

So, we went to new york.

Nobody had built that high before.

The yankees recruited the newfoundlanders

Because we weren't afraid of heights.

We were used to climbing the rigging of the schooners.

There was no work back home, so off we went,

To new york to work the high steel.

They laughed at us and called us "fish,"

But it was the newfoundlanders that built new york!

All we had was each other, and our only inheritance...

Our late father's watch.

Just in case we had to hawk it.

-So, did you have to sell the watch?

I was tempted...

Many a time.

But I just couldn't bear to part with it.