Seinfeld

Professional tennis-

I don't understand the shushing. Why are they always shushing?

Don't the players know that we're there?

Should we duck behind the seats so they don't see us watching them?

To me, tennis is basically just Ping-Pong...

...and the players are standing on the table.

That's all it is.

And that goofy scoring.

You win one point, all of a sudden you're up by 15.

Two points, 30-love. 30-love.

Sounds like an English call girl. "That'll be 30, love.

And could you be a little quieter next time, please?"

Are these seats unbelievable, or what?

- Hey, where's the sunblock? - Here.

Twenty-five? You don't have anything higher?

- What, are you on Mercury? - I need higher.

This has PABA in it. I need PABA-free.

- You got a problem with PABA? - I have a problem with PABA.

- You don't even know what PABA is. - I know enough to stay away from it.

Thirty-love.

- So you going to Todd's party? - If somebody else drives. You going?

- Gwen really wants to go. - You're bringing a date to a party?

No good?

A party's a bad date situation. It doesn't matter who you're with.

You could be with J. Edgar Hoover.

You don't wanna sit and talk with Hoover all night. You want to circulate.

Why'd you pick Hoover? Is he that interesting to talk to?

Well, with the law enforcement and the cross-dressing...

...seems like an interesting guy.

Yeah, I guess.

What can I do? I gotta take her with me.

Todd introduced us. I'm obligated.

That woman is absolutely stunning.

- Who, the Croat? - No, not the Croat. The lineswoman.

That is the most beautiful lineswoman I've ever seen.

Yeah, she's a BL.

- BL? - Beautiful lineswoman.

I'm gonna go to the concession stand to get some real sunblock.

You want anything? Jerry?

Jerry?

You know, I just heard the Lexington line is out.

You are kidding me. How am I supposed to get to this meeting?

Take a car service. We have an account.

No, forget it. I hate those.

Every time I've taken one, the driver will not stop talking to me.

No matter how disinterested I seem, he just keeps yakking away.

Why does everything have to have a social component?

See, the stagecoach. Now, that would've been a good situation for me.

I'm in the coach, and the driver's way up there on the stage.

You're not gonna get a cab now, 4:30 on a Friday afternoon.

Bring a magazine. Keep your head down.

Yeah, I guess that could work.

And that is it. Match to Ms. Natalia Baudone.

Coming up next, men's singles.

But for now, let's stop and look at our beautiful tennis-centre backdrop.

Hey!

There's George.

Holy cow. It's a scorcher.

Boy, I bet you that guy could cover a lot of court.

Hey, buddy, they got a new invention. It's caled a napkin.

Wel, we'l tak e a station break and continue with more action.

Dag Hammarskjold Plaza, huh?

Pendant Publishing, that's books, right?

Miss?

- Pardon me? - Books. That's what you do?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't read much myself. Well, you know, besides the paper.

Yeah, a lot of people read to relax. Not me.

You know what I do?

You know, I'm having a lot of trouble hearing you back here, so...

I said, you know what I do when I want to relax?

The jumble.

Hey, do you make a book of jumbles?

I'm gonna have to be honest with you.

I'm going deaf.

- Going deaf? - What?

Oh, I... I'm sorry.

It can be very frustrating.

Hey, what about a hearing aid?

Am I fearing AIDS? Oh, yeah, sure. Who isn't?

But, you know, you gotta live your life.

No, no, no. I said-

Forget it.

I can't take my eyes off this lineswoman.

The woman is absolutely mesmerizing.

- Boy, you are really smitten. - I gotta talk to her.

- What do you think? - Cold?

How you gonna do that? You're not one of those guys.

I'll psych myself into it like those people that walk across the hot coals.

But they're not mocked and humiliated when they get to the other side.

I have to. I won't be able to live with myself.

Wait. Jerry, there's a bigger issue here.

If you go through that wall and become one of those guys...

...I'll be left here on this side.

- Take me with you. - I can't.

What are you gonna say?

I don't know."Hi."

You think you're going to the other side with "hi"?

You're not gonna make it.

- Base to 92, come in. - Yeah, this is 92.

Yeah, after this, go back to the city for a 6:00 pickup.

Rightio.

749 Bleek er. The party's Hanks. Tom Hanks.

Tom Hanks?

After me, you're picking up Tom Hanks? I love him.

So I guess your hearing goes in and out, huh?

- Yeah. Yes, it- - Yeah, you know what I think?

I think you made that whole thing up.

- No, no. I- - Yeah, yeah. I know your type.

You're too good to make conversation with someone like me.

Oh, God forbid you could discuss the jumbles.

But to go so far as to pretend you're almost deaf?

I mean, that is truly disgusting, miss.

And Mr. Tom Hanks-

May I say he, too, would be disgusted by your behaviour.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh, that's nice.

That's right, ignore me. That's real polite.

Yeah, nobody's even talking to you. Oh, you're a big lineswoman.

Oh, like that's some kind of a cool job. I know your type.

Think you're too good for everyone. But it's women like you-

Oh, well- What, are you deaf?

Bingo.

- And you're saying she's deaf? - I'm not saying she's deaf. She's deaf.

- Can't hear a thing. - Can't hear a thing.

- You're gonna go out with her? - Isn't that something?

- Hey. - Hi.

- Yeah, you know, I know how to sign. - Really?

When I was 8, I had a deaf cousin who lived with us for about a year.

Of course, you know, I haven't been able to do it in a while.

What is this about?

I met this deaf lineswoman at the tennis match.

You are kidding. That is amazing.

I just took a car service from work.

To get the driver not to talk to me, I pretended I was going deaf.

- Good plan. - It didn't work. He caught me hearing.

All right. It's terrible, but I'm not terrible.

- No. - No.

No. When I shoo squirrels away, I always say, "Get out of here."

I never, ever throw things at them and try to injure them...

- ... like other people. - That's nice.

Yeah. And when I see freaks in the street, I never, ever stare at them.

And yet I'm careful not to look away.

See, because I wanna make the freaks feel comfortable.

- That's nice for the freaks. - Yeah.

I don't pouf my hair when I go to the movies...

...so people behind me can see.

I gotta make it up to this guy. I won't be able to live with myself.

- What can I do? - Why don't you get him some tickets.

- Your friend works at a ticket agency. - Yeah. Pete.

- He can get you tickets to something. - Really?

Like a rock concert. Whatever you like.

- Oh, great. Thanks, Kramer. - Yeah. You got it.

Hey, Jerry, do me a favour. Next time you see that lineswoman...

...ask her how those ball boys get those jobs.

I would love to be able to do that.

I think perhaps you've overlooked one of the key aspects of this activity.

It's ball boys, not ball men. There are no ball men.

I think he's right. I've never seen a ball man.

- Well, there ought to be ball men. - All right, I'll talk to her.

You wanna be a ball man, go ahead. Break the ball barrier. Hey!

A friend of mine from work said she saw George at the tennis match...

- ... on TV yesterday. - Yeah. Yeah, me too.

He was at the snack bar eating a hot fudge sundae.

He had it all over his face.

He's wearing that chocolate on his face like a beard.

And they got in there really nice and tight, and he's:

- I'm sorry, George. - But...

...I don't understand. Things were going so great.

What happened? Something must've happened.

It's not you. It's me.

You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me"routine?

I invented "it's not you, it's me." Nobody tells me it's them, not me.

- If it's anybody, it's me. - All right.

- George, it's you. - You are damn right it's me.

- I was just trying to- - I know what you were trying to do.

- Nobody does it better than me. - I'm sure you do it very well.

Yes, well, unfortunately, you'll never get the chance to find out.

- But I thought things were going great. - Yeah, so did I.

- Did she say why? - No.

She tried to give me the "it's not you, it's me"routine.

- But that's your routine. - Yeah.

Well, apparently word's out.

Hey. Hey, Georgie, I saw you on TV yesterday.

Really? At the tennis match?

Yeah. You were at the snack bar eating the hot fudge sundae.

Get out of here. I didn't see any cameras there.

Oh, the camera was... there.

And the announcers, they made a couple of cracks about you.

Cracks?

What were they saying?

That you had ice cream all over your face.