Death of a Unicorn

Sorry about the delays today, folks,

but ground control is telling me

it's gonna be another 15 or so

until we can start the deplaning process.

So just sit tight

and we'll have you on your way as soon as we can.

Seatbelts.

Ma'am. Ma'am. Seatbelt.

Please stay seated until we're at the gate.

- (THUDS) - Ow! What the fuck?

Sorry. No, I had to grab--

- You fell asleep on me. - Why would I do that?

When did we land?

Me again, folks.

I'm now being told that the stairway they've got

on the tarmac here doesn't actually fit our aircraft.

So we'll get you on the ground

as soon as we figure out what that means.

- (PASSENGERS GROAN) - Oh...

I think I'm frozen here

because it's been saying six minutes.

I know we're close but--

- (RADIO STATIC) - Hello?

Can you hear me? Did I lose you? Hello?

Hello?

Oh, no. Navigation crashed too.

God, what the--

Hey, does your phone--

I don't have any reception. I can't--

Well, if you don't have service, why would I?

Oh, uh, wait. You know what? I ...

I have emailed directions.

Can you put your window up? The pollen is killing me.

Thank you.

So, hey, look, I just wanna say,

you know, thanks again for...

you know, being here.

Stop picking.

Hey, stop picking. Come on. Don't.

Did you just try to flick me?

Come on. There's no reason to be nervous. You're here to enjoy yourself.

That's definitely not... why I'm here.

Yeah. But you still can, right?

Huh? Take in some nature, maybe join me on a trail run?

Or not.

But it's your loss. (SCOFFS)

The mountains this far north,

pristine. Truly. Untouched by man.

Look, I get you don't wanna be here

but Odell, the Leopolds,

they have a big thing about family

and they just assume that you and I are particularly close

because of everything that, you know,

'cause of everything that's happened to us.

Because of everything that's happened to us?

Yeah.

Or are you just talking about the one thing?

Look, I'm sorry. I just don't feel like being a pity prop

- for the single dad thing... - Oh, come on. That's...

...that you've got going on with your bosses. That's all.

No. That's not what this is about.

No. We can-- We can own it though.

I mean, we could really milk them for their sympathy.

I could fake a limp.

Maybe I could prepare a, a weepy monologue about Mom.

But I don't know, you probably would have to give notes on it

and we need some more time for that.

Okay. That's it. Whatever this is,

just get it out of your system before we get there.

Are you talking about my personality?

Fine. I will sit there and smile

while they plan their predatory price gouging at the dinner table.

Their day-to-day is so far above drug pricing.

And they care about a lot of things, not just pharmaceuticals.

I mean, this entire nature preserve was donated by them.

Yeah, but you know that philanthropy is just--

It's reputation laundering for the oligarchy.

Yeah. Okay. All right.

Maybe on the arts quad,

but in the real world, you have to compromise.

Once I'm named proxy and I sit on this board

for five, six years,

ten tops,

then I will earn enough to make sure that we're okay

no matter what hits us, alright?

Right.

- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - (SNEEZING)

- Uh. Odell. - (ON PHONE) It's Griffin.

Mr. Leopold was expecting you over an hour ago.

What? Didn't you get my texts?

No. Oh God, roaming.

Um, no,

let him know that we will literally be there any minute.

Elliot, where are you?

Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Leopold.

- We-- It's been a whole... - You need to slow down.

No. I need service. Hello?

Elliot, how long is this drive going to take?

Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

He sounds like a robot

- getting waterboarded. - Hello?

Here. Call him back.

Do it yourself. This is all for you anyway.

What? What are you talking...

Oh, my God! Use a tissue. That's disgusting.

- (TIRES SCREECH) - (THUDS)

Are you okay? Are you okay?

You couldn't watch the fucking road?

Uh... It's okay. It's okay. We're okay.

I got the damage waiver. It's...

What the fuck was that?

I don't think it's dead.

Just wait there.

What?

- What? - (WHINES)

What, uh, I mean, uh...

It's suffering.

You, you think it's endangered or...

Um, we, we can't, we can't just leave it here, right?

I mean...

Fuck!

If a ranger finds it then--

I mean, no one uses this road.

God, I'm late and I'm going to prison.

- (WHINES) - (RIDLEY BREATHES DEEPLY)

(DISTANTLY) Ridley, are you okay?

Let go!

Ridley!

- (GRUNTS) - (WHINES)

- (SCREAMS) - (WHINES)

- Stop! Stop! - (GRUNTS)

Sorry we're late.

Welcome to the lodge.

Lodge? Wow.

Counselor! What happened?

You walk from the airport or what?

(CHUCKLES) You, you would not believe.

Forget it. That's a joke. I got it from here, Shaw.

Such a card, Shepard.

I'm so sorry we're late.

How are you? Your folks here?

Don't know where else they'd be.

I was about to hit the tub,

but come in here for a cut of the good stuff.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, this is my daughter, Ridley.

Shep Leopold.

- Good to know you. Is that Elliot?

Perfect timing.

I just got off a Zoom with the Foundation about the refugees,

we're evacuating them.

Or are we vaccinating them?

It's so good to--

Now, I need to apologize in advance.

Odell is very sensitive about word of his condition getting out,

hence the skeleton staff around here.

Oh, yeah. We're all making sacrifices.

Ah, here he is.

And we'd almost assumed the worst.

I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, Odell.

These things happen.

How was the drive through the pass?

Get lucky, spot any big game on the way in?

Uh, unfortunately, no.

But it, it was just lovely.

Uh, the mountains, right? The air...

You okay, my dear?

What?

Yeah. Sorry.

Just, um, just not feeling good.

Oh, no.

Do you need to lie down?

Griff can show you to your room.

- No. I, uh... Are you sure?

He loves doing it.